Curious and Creative

Category: Asking Questions

  • Finding a Purpose in Your Life

    Monday, July 21, 2025

    Do you struggle to find or discover your purpose in life? I have as well. Does anyone have just one purpose in life? Or does it change and evolve over time? I know many people who do have purpose: One has passion for creating personal care boxes for those with substance abuse and addiction while moving into homes. I know another who has worked tirelessly to find options for the homeless. I have met people through volunteer work tutoring adults with literacy challenges. I admire these individuals, yet I hate to admit it, I envy them as well.

    At present, I am struggling. When I was younger, I focused on creating art and writing outside of my paid job. Later as a young parent, I saw my purpose to be a nurturing parent of my two sons. As they grew older and required less immediate attention, I sought purpose as an outreach volunteer and coordinator at church.

    Jeremy Adam Smith, editor of Greater Good magazine, wrote that for decades, psychologists have studied how long-term, meaningful goals develop over the span of our lives.

    “The goals that foster a sense of purpose are ones that can potentially change the lives of other people,” said Smith, “like launching an organization, researching disease, or teaching kids to read.”

    A sense of purpose has evolved in humans, so that we can accomplish important things together.  Those things are associated with better physical and mental health, wrote Smith. Purpose is adaptive as it is evolutionary. It helps both individuals and the species to survive.

    In 2016, I founded an arts ministry at my church that lasted six years. Artful Spirit Connection arts ministry was my purpose. I poured my energy and focused on it wholeheartedly. Once that arts ministry ended a few years ago, I floundered, and I lost my anchor. I have felt that my soul and spirit break apart in little pieces. I know logically that not all things last a lifetime. Yet it was hard to say goodbye.

    As Smith points out, finding purpose or discovering our purpose from our unique gifts is only part of the truth. Our purpose also grows from our connection to others, which is why a crisis of purpose is often a symptom of isolation.

    I find this part intriguing. After Artful Spirit Connection ended, I pulled away from my church family. In my mind, I thought it was best as I was burnt out. I was also grieving, as my biggest cheerleader and supporter, our priest, became ill with cancer. Eventually, he sadly passed away. In my grief, I pulled away. Instead of feeling relief, I felt alone. My anxiety increased, as well as my depression. I isolated myself from doing so, it exacerbated my feelings of being lost. In the last year, I have done some soul searching, though purpose would be fulfilled in trying to create a business of selling my art. It did not, it failed. As much as I wanted a key focus, I was not driven emotionally. I am still seeking it. It is one of the reasons that I started this blog.

    Discovering your life purpose, according to Jeremy Sutton, Ph.D., involves exploring passions, values, and strengths to create a fulfilling and meaningful existence.

    Over time, psychologists have increasingly begun to realize the importance of meaning to our wellbeing and happiness, wrote Sutton, adding, recent research suggests that people with increased meaning are better off. They are happier and exhibit increased life satisfaction, and lowered depression.

    “Meaning in life may be defined as the extent to which a person experiences his or her life as having purpose, significance, and coherence,” wrote Sutton.

    Smith suggested that there are a few ways to help with the feeling of crisis for the purpose of life:

    • Read-find books that matter to you and inspire you.
    • Turning hurts into healing for others. Finding purpose is not just an intellectual pursuit. It is something we need to feel. Sometimes another person’s pain can lead us to our purpose.
    • Cultivate awe, gratitude, and altruism. An experience of awe helps feel connected to something larger than us. Awe alone is not enough, you need to feel driven to make a positive impact; this is where gratitude and generosity come into play, wrote Smith.
    • Listen to what other people appreciate about you. Giving thanks can help you find purpose in what people thank you for. Appreciation for what you do for others can fuel a sense of purpose.
    • Find and build community. We can find a sense of purpose in people around us. Interestingly, the nobility of our purpose reflects the company we keep, noted Smith.
    • Tell your story. As I noted earlier, reading can help you find your purpose but also writing.

    Psychologist Kendall Bronk, leading expert on purpose, wrote that research by William Damon, Robert Emmons, and others have found that children and adults who are able to count their blessings are much more likely to try to contribute to the world beyond themselves.

    According to Smith, Purpose often arises from curiosity about your own life. Creating a narrative can help us see our own strengths and apply those strengths to be effective in the world, which over time increases our sense of self-efficacy.

    Adopting a growth mindset can help lead to increased purpose in life. Look at your strengths, explore your weaknesses, accept mistakes are part of learning, and find ways to motivate yourself noted Sutton.

    Dr. Jordan Grumet wrote that, “By identifying our purpose anchors (activities that energize and inspire us), we gain insight into what purpose can look like in our lives. Sometimes this means reflecting on regrets, recalling childhood joys, or simply experimenting through trial and error—”

    Bronk noted that through working with adolescents, some teens found purpose through hardship. However, most people find purpose in a more meandering way through a combination of education, experience, and self-reflection.

    Bronk said finding purpose can get jump started.

    • Identify the things that you care about. What are you good at? What have you done that gave you a skill that can be used? What do you care about in your community?
    • Reflect on what matters most. Sometimes it is hard to single out one or two things. Value will be increased if you can narrow down your purpose in life to something manageable.
    • Recognize your strengths and talents. What is unique about your skills or strengths? What are you particularly good at? What do you enjoy?
    • Try volunteering. Try new things, see what activities enable you to use your skills.
    • Imagine your best self. What are you doing? What is important to you? What do you really care about and why? The “why” part is key.
    • Cultivate the positive like gratitude and awe.
    • Look at the people that you admire.

    Grumet notes that purpose is not passive. It demands courage to take what you care about and turn it into something active, something meaningful. He suggested that we follow activities that light us up. Connect with people with shared interests. In time, you may be able to connect, collaborate, and grow together. That is how purpose builds community.

    I will dive a little deeper into Finding Your Purpose in my next blog as well.

    “There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It is why you were born. And how you become most truly alive.”–Oprah Winfrey

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 7/20/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/business-flat-design-style-illustration_16359264.htm”>Image by rawpixel.com on Freepik</a>

    Grumet, Jordan, MD. “Purpose Isn’t a Destination, It’s A Climb.” Psychology Today. 6/30/2025. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-regret-free-life/202506/purpose-isnt-a-destination-its-a-climb/amp

    Smith, Jeremy Adam. “How to Find Purpose in Life.” Greater Good. 1/10/2018. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_find_your_purpose_in_life

    Suttie, Jill. “Seven Ways to Find Your Purpose in Life. Having a meaningful, long-term goal is good for your well-being.” Greater good. 8/6/2020. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_ways_to_find_your_purpose_in_life

    Sutton, Ph.D. Jeremy. “15 Ways to Find Your Purpose of Life & Realize Your Meaning.” Positive Psychology. 10/15/2020. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://positivepsychology.com/find-your-purpose-of-life/

  • “The Importance of Asking Why”

    January 26, 2025

    “Our behavior is affected by our assumptions or our perceived truths. We make decisions based on what we think we know,” wrote Simon Sinek, author of the book Start with Why.

    Many know the importance of asking “why “ questions. Many have sought knowledge and better understanding, which is perhaps why Simon Sinek’s TED Talk “Start with Why” has over 9 million views, and why his book Start with Why has sold over a million copies worldwide.

    As a toddler and young child, humans ask many questions, particularly ones that begin with “why.” Asking questions helps the toddler and young child develop language and understanding. The average 2 to 5 year old may ask over 400 questions per day.

    During Andrew Vincent’s 2019 TEDx Talk, he stated, once a child enters and proceeds through the educational process, questions start to no longer be asked or questioned. When a teen enters secondary school, they start chasing exam results. As teens, students may not think about the question at all. The focus becomes getting an answer that is required to get the grade that the student wants.  

    “The question is no longer questioned, and the question is set by someone else,” commented Vincent.  Yet, questions will arise, and answers matter. Vincent pointed out that questions matter even more. The questions of discovery are the beautiful questions, and they can never be used too much.

    I found several resources outlining benefits of asking questions, including ones that Andrew Vincent notes his TEDx Talk. Asking questions helps us:

    • Forge connections
    • Emphasize.
    • Get to know people.
    • Understand why things are the way they are.
    • Clarify underlying motivations.
    • Encourage critical thinking and critical thinking skills.
    • Build stronger relationships.

    This brings me back to Sinek. In his book, Sinek highlighted the concept of the Golden Circle. Think of three concentric circles:  In the smallest inner circle is the word ‘why”, in the next circle is the word “how,” and the outer circle is the word “what.” Many organizations and individuals may be able to answer what they do and how it is done.  Yet, there are many, perhaps even yourself, your organization, or your business may not have answered the why of what you do. Answering the “why” we do what we do could help us understand better, plus, motivate us and others. Most particularly, we differentiate ourselves and stand out from our competitors.


    The Golden Circle as described by Simon Sinek

    Resources:

    Carew International. Retrieved on 1/25/2025 from https://www.carew.com/why-should-we-ask-why-20-creative-ways-to-ask-why-that-you-can-use-today/

    Sinek, Simon. Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Act. Portfolio/Penguin.

    Vincent, Andrew. “The Art of Asking Questions.” TEDX Bollington. TEDX Talks. July 15.2019.

  • How do you ask questions?

    January 16, 2025

    I once heard that there is no such thing as a “dumb” question, but one that is not asked. Many people hold back from asking questions, because they are afraid to look foolish or be embarrassed. If a question is in your mind, it might be one that others have as well. Ask the question.

    In my last blog, I asked my readers, “Do you ask questions?” In this blog, I am focusing on how you ask questions. The way you ask questions will give you the direction to the possible answers. How we ask questions of others and ourselves impacts and affects communication. I have learned that lesson many times over, particularly as a parent.

    As a child, my younger son did not ask “why” questions as often as he asked “how” questions. He wanted to know how to do things. If I asked if he cleaned his room, an overwhelming feeling of “where do I begin?”  would wash over him. Rather, if he could pick up the towels in his room and take them to the laundry room; he was able to do that.

    My younger son is now 26 years old. He was diagnosed twenty years ago with Asperger’s syndrome, more commonly known now as autism spectrum disorder. Over the preceding years, he was also diagnosed with audio processing challenges and attention deficit disorder (inattentive type), which can cause some communication challenges.

    Over the last two decades, I have learned to phrase my questions better, so I can help my son understand what I am asking of him. I am learning to speak more slowly. Admittedly, in the rush of the day, I am still working on slowing down, calling out his name and waiting for a response before asking a question or listing things to do. I am working to reduce what we call in our home, “drive by instructions.” I admit it some communication habits are hard to break without practice. I have learned that how we phrase questions can matter.

    I would like you to take a few moments to read the following scenario. Take your time. Here is a scenario:  You are in a tight financial position this month, as an unexpected expense came about. You’re stressed and finances are spread thinly.  If you asked yourself, “what should I do?” How would your mind process an answer? You may draw a blank, or panic, or just stare at a computer screen. Instead of asking yourself, “what should I do?”  Ask yourself “what could I do,” or,  “How am I doing now?”

    Phrasing questions may impact your brain’s information, an internet search, or something else from other individuals and sources. Take the time to consider the types of questions that you want to ask.

    Writer J. Robert Parkinson once heard a talk radio guest comment, “ask the wrong question, and you’ll get the wrong answer.” Parkinson wrote that although no one deliberately seeks a wrong answer, you might get one, if you do not give enough forethought to what question you want to ask.

    Parkinson suggested asking open-ended questions with “how,” “why,” or “what.” Using open-ended questions can collect a lot of info from the other person and about a particular subject.

    As I continued my research, I came across a blog from the Curiosity Tank.

    Here are some tips from that blog:

    • Identify and avoid leading questions, these are any questions that contain bias.
    • Remove any industry jargon or acronyms. Simplify.
    • Eliminate any unnecessary words.
    • Phrase questions in layperson terms.

    Here is some other advice: ask one question at a time. Pause after each question. Give the other person time to reply. Do not jump in after the initial reply. Pause again after hearing the initial response. It takes practice. Before asking a question, think about how you will ask it.

    Resources:

    Curiosity Tank blog “Question wording is Important.” Retrieved on January 15., 2025 from https://www.curiositytank.com/blog/question-wording-is-important

    Parkinson, J. Robert “Phrasing questions to get right information is a necessary art.”January 4, 2014. The Herald Tribune. Retrieved on January 15, 2025 from https://www.heraldtribune.com/story/news/2014/01/04/phrasing-questions-to-get-right-information-is-a-necessary-art/29220850007/

    “Question Phrasing’”. Retrieved on January 15, 2025, from https://wp.stolaf.edu/iea/question-phrasing/