Curious and Creative

Category: embrace uncertainty

  • Do You Fear Failing?

    March 7, 2025

    Do you feel drained and fatigued? Do you have low energy? Are you dissatisfied with life? You may not realize it, but what you’re feeling are effects of fear on your body and mind.

    Fear is one of the most powerful forces in life, wrote Theo Tsaousides, Ph.D. Fear affects the decisions you make, the actions you take, and the outcomes you achieve. Fear also comes in different forms. If you are seeking success, the fear of failure could have the most direct impact on you.

    Dr. Diane Hamilton described fear at its core as a reluctance to delve into the unknown. Fear is defined as being overly cautious or reluctant to act to avoid consequences.  The reasons could range from the ridiculous to deadly serious. It includes fear of failure, fear of making life altering changes, fear of looking stupid or ignorant, and fear of reexperiencing something negative from childhood.

    Did you know that there is a word for the fear of failure?  It’s called “atychiphobia,” and according to the Cleveland Clinic, atychiphobiais an intense fear of failure. There are three key points about the fear of failure: it has a paralyzing effect, it involves emotional distress, and it brings procrastination.As the anxiety and anticipation of potential failure can be more debilitating than the aftermath of a mistake, it often leads to avoidance behaviors and missed opportunities to learn and grow. 

    The constant worry about failing can prevent people from taking risks, trying new things, and holding us back from achieving goals.A fear of failing can often make us feel worse than actual failure. Personal experiences with failure can cause us to develop an intense fear of failure in the future.

    Researchers have found that the fear of failure is multifaceted. According to Dr. Tsaousides, there are different types of consequences that we fear we will suffer, should we fail. Each time we experience the fear of failure, it may be for a different reason. Some of the reasons included, but not limited to, is the belief that failure is embarrassing, you don’t have what it takes to succeed, you are stuck, you will let people down, or that you are irrelevant.

    According to the Cleveland Clinic, fear of failure is self-fulfilling. Those that fear failure might put off tasks or important decisions, due to an anticipation of potential negative outcomes.

    According to Dr. Tsaousides, fear of failure is the emotional, cognitive, and behavioral reaction to the negative consequences you anticipate for failing to achieve a goal.

    Behavioral scientists, psychologists, and counselors encourage us to not shy away from fear, but instead, move toward risk. From my personal experience, that is easier said than done. Fear of failure is a psychological barrier that prevents people from taking risks.

    Podcast host Paul Colaianni of “The Overwhelmed Brain” has said that the fear of failing can be imagined as so traumatic and painful to some, that they literally do nothing instead. What does failure mean for you? If you define it, you might have a better understanding what we really fear.

    Our natural inclination to fear might be to pull away and avoid facing the fear. I found this  quote from Marc Jabobs: “Curiosity is what draws you of your comfort zone; fear is what draws you back in.”

    Jacobs makes some key points: curiosity is a positive motivator and driving force. But fear is a restraint. It holds you back from venturing too far of the comfort zone. There is an internal struggle to stay safe and our desire to explore.  We need to find a balance.

    “Fear of failure keeps you safe, but small,” wrote Dr. Tsaousides.

    Psychologist Dr. Lisabeth Saunders Metlock points out that our mistakes and failures are gifts, gems, and guideposts in our learning and growth as people. Rather than shy away, we need to instead embrace failures, mistakes, screw ups and shortcomings, because they not only make us uniquely who we are, they also teach us powerful lessons.

    Dr. Metlock shared a few ways of changing our perspectives:

    • Mistakes can teach us what we really want and help us reevaluate our lives. Mistakes and failures can help us focus on issues and problems that take us off track.
    • Mistakes and failures give us a reality check. When we experience consequences of our actions, we can get a clear message of what efforts are working and what efforts are not.
    • Mistakes teach us to accept ourselves that we can be flawed and be loved. Mistakes also teach us about responsibility.
    • Admitting and facing our mistakes and failures can take us straight to the hear of our fears.

    “Taking responsibility for a failure may not be fun. But the act of doing so points out what we can do differently next time,” wrote Dr. Saunders Metlock.

    As my research continues, I have found that we cannot beat a fear, failure, or mistake until we face it. We cannot face a fear until we can define it. I have discovered that since beginning this blog writing journey curiosity has indeed become antidote to my fears and anxieties. My curiosity has grown and evolved. I noticed a level of decreased anxiety. My personal experience is that curiosity can indeed be a counterforce to my fear of failure.

    In my journey to learn and be curious, I came across a terrific interviews was from the radio show “On Being,” with host Krista Tippet and author Elizabeth Gilbert. The interview took place in September 2016. While the interview was eight years ago, the wisdom that was shared touched my heart.

    “I think curiosity is our friend that teaches us how to become ourselves, said Gilbert, “and it’s a very gentle friend, and a very forgiving friend, and a very constant one.”

    Fear can cause us to make terrible decisions about of our lives, what we see, and how we react. Life can be a risky affair. It is important to step outside of ourselves, develop a friendly curiosity of others.

    I am going to dig out my copy of Big Magic and reread it this year. From Gilbert’s book Big Magic, “Living a life is driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear.” I am going to challenge myself to continue living by curiosity, and less by fear. One way that I will continue to do that is writing this blog, Curious and Creative.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 3/7/2025 from https://www.freepik.com/search?format=search&last_filter=page&last_value=2&page=2&query=failure&type=vector#uuid=d8abbd63-c53b-44cf-8445-ac0ea62fb19f

    Colaianni, Paul. The Overwhelmed Brain: “When the fear of failure stops you from doing anything and everything.” Episode 392. 2/21/2021. Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from in

    Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22555-atychiphobia-fear-of-failure

    Gilbert, Elizabeth. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. Riverhead Books, NY. ©2015.

    Hamilton, Diane. “What is Fear and How Does It Affect Curiosity and Innovation?”. Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from https://www.futurelearn.com/info/courses/developing-curiosity/0/steps/156554

    Knight, Dr. Terralon Cannon. “Tools to Overcome Fear of Failure.” TEDxUniversity of South Africa Women.  Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTHXa8OzzZs.

    Samit, Jay. “It’s Time to Disrupt You!” TEDx Augusta. 2017. Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1SlbTZyaWE

    Saunders Medlock, Ph.D. Lisabeth. “Don’t Fear Failure:  Nine Powerful  Lessons We Can Learn From  Our Mistakes.” 1/4/2015. Retrieved on 2/24/2025 from Don’t Fear Failure: Nine Powerful Lessons We Can Learn From Our Mistakes | HuffPost Life

    Tippett, Krista, host. “Choosing Curiosity Over Fear”. On-Being. September 5, 2016. Daily Good. Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from https://www.dailygood.org/story/1376/choosing-curiosity-over-fear-on-being/.

    Tsaousides, Theo, Ph.D. “Why Fear of Failure Can Keep You Stuck.” Psychologytoday.com 12/27/2017. Retrieved on 2/24/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/smashing-the-brainblocks/201712/why-fear-failure-can-keep-you-stuck?msockid=24f8ebd9437164501298fedc42c365fc

  • Embrace Uncertainty

    January 31, 2025

    (image from Freepik)

    At the end of 2024, I signed up for a craft fair to display my artwork and gain exposure as an artist. I felt anxious as the date of the event approached. I feared I would sit at my table and not sell anything. I knew these fears of mine drove my ego. The night before the event, I decided that any sales would be donated to my favorite charity in hopes that I would sell more. I sold a few things thanks to a good friend of mine who stopped by to support me.

    Yet, the results of the craft event did not meet my expectations. I have asked myself many times over if my expectations were realistic. Was the event and location not the right fit for my type of art? Since that day of the craft fair, I have been discouraged that I have not picked up a paint brush to paint since December. When I met with my counselor earlier this month, she pointed out to me that donating the sales may have undermined my intent in the eyes of the buyer because it was a perception of product quality or worth. I admit I was stunned by that statement. I am still pondering that comment. I am still uncertain about my art. I have put that pursuit on the back burner. Making it less of a priority of mine.

    I have switched gears. Earlier this month, I began writing this current blog, Curious and Creative. Most of my time and my mind has been focused on being curious. I noticed that I am less anxious. As I noted in my last blog, fear and curiosity do not often co-exist at the same time as our brains. Anxiety is closely related to fear. I have read that curiosity is also an antidote for anxiety. Although I have not done formal study, my personal experience is lining up that being curious has impacted my mind and it has been less anxious as of late.

    What does this have to do with embracing uncertainty? Curiosity is linked to the unknown and uncertainty. Neuroscientific studies have concluded that curiosity, fear, and anxiety cannot exist in the brain at the same time as they affect different regions of the brain. Fear and anxiety light up the amygdala, which is the hard-wired warning system in our brain, whereas curiosity impacts the pre-frontal cortex, releasing the reward chemical dopamine that floods our body, making us feel good and happy.

    “Life is uncertain. We never know what will happen, and many things are unknowable. This can make us feel stressed or worried, since the unknown is associated with danger,” wrote Jill Suttie.

    I was surprised when I read that there are benefits of being unsure. Up to this point, I never considered uncertainty as a positive thing. I just began listening to Maggie Jackson’s book, Uncertain: The Wisdom and Wonder of Being Unsure through Audible. It was published in November 2023.

    Jackson writes that allowing us to be unsure is tied to embracing easier learning, better decision making, responding well in a crisis, improved mental health and warmer social relationships. Who knows that there are so many benefits to embracing uncertainty. I did not.

    In interview with Jill Suttie, Maggie Jackson stated that we have a very negative view of uncertainty. We largely see it as paralyzing. Yet, studies find that uncertainty is really important or helpful to us, as it is an opportunity to investigate, to open up space between question and answer.

    Business and Leadership coach Shruti Mouli wrote that most of us go through life in a very predictable fashion. We crave certainty and do whatever it takes to maintain that. However, Mouli added, do not expect greatness if we cling to certainty, expect mediocrity instead.

    Mouli suggested that we ask ourselves what would happen if you let go of the need for certainty?

    Uncertainty is a spur to better thinking, noted Jackson, adding that being unsure can be related to deeper deliberation. Uncertainty is a strength not a paralyzer.

    Harvard Business Review writer Edith Onderick-Harvey points out in her article “5 Behaviors of Leaders Who Embrace Change,” that leaders who are “change-agile” look at changes in their environments as opportunities. The “change-agile” leaders try to make change thinking contagious.

    Change can be scary as it can often mean uncertainty. I realize I need to learn to be open to uncertainty, although my anxiety could fight me on this.

    Writer Meg-John Barker stated embracing uncertainty is that it takes time. When faced with uncertainty in life we often find it incredibly painful and rush to resolve it as quickly as possible. 

    While curiosity can lead to growth, the absence of curiosity can lead to stagnation as stated by the Resilience Institute. As individuals, we can avoid the pitfalls of stagnation and keep curiosity alive. It suggests that you avoid the routine ruts, stay connected with curious people, and embrace uncertainty. Lean into the unknown.

    The unknown and the uncertainty can get messy. It can mean pain.

    Meg-John Barker, which suggests leaning into pain. This means that you must take a good hard look at the situation that you are in, if needed take a break to regain your strength.

    What I have learned from my research is that I need to embrace uncertainty, be open minded, agile, and change positive. This can lead to growth, opportunity and potential.

    For now, I will leave you with this quote.

    “Followers need to see it to believe it. Leaders believe so they create it,” Sharon Pearson, author of Disruptive Leadership.

    Resources:

    Barker, Meg-John. “Embracing uncertainty: What does it really mean?” Retrieved on 1/31/2025 from https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/conflict-break-up/embracing-uncertainty-what-does-it-really-mean/#:~:text=Embracing%20uncertainty%20involves%20being%20prepared,look%20closely%20at%20the%20situation.

    Jackson, Maggie. Uncertain: The Wisdom and Wonder of Being Unsure

    Mouli, Shruti. “Embracing Certainty.” April 21, 2021, posted on Linked-In. Retrieved on 1/31/2025 from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/embracing-uncertainty-shruti-mouli-1c/

    Onderick-Harvey, Edith. “5 Behaviors of Leaders Who Embrace Change.” May 18, 2018. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved on 1/31/2025 from https://hbr.org/2018/05/5-behaviors-of-leaders-who-embrace-change

    The Resilience Institute, Editorial Team. “Curiosity: The Catalyst for Growth and Resilience.” August 27, 2024. The Resilience Institute website. Retrieved on 1/31/2025 from https://resiliencei.com/blog/curiosity-the-catalyst-for-growth-andresilience#:~:text=What%20is%20Curiosity?,that%20drives%20learning%20and%20innovation.

    Suttie, Jill. “How Embracing Uncertainty Can Improve Your Life.” March 11, 2024. Greater Good Magazine. Retrieved on 1/31/2025 from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_embracing_uncertainty_can_improve_your_life#:~:text=It’s%20a%20kind%20of%20wakefulness,space%20between%20question%20and%20answer.