4/23/2025
Contrary to popular opinion, kindness is not synonymous with niceness. Those words often are interchanged, or their meanings are meshed. While both involve positive interactions with others, kindness is understood to be a deeper, more genuine expression of care and concern, while niceness is more about being polite and agreeable.
Kindness is defined by Oxford Dictionary as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Synonyms for kindness are affection, altruism, benevolence, cordiality, graciousness, unselfishness. A person that is motivated to be kind is rooted in empathy, compassion, and a genuine desire to help others.
“Kindness means recognizing the full humanity of another person,” wrote author Arthur Dobrin, DSW.
On the other hand, the Oxford Dictionary defines niceness as a person who has a pleasant manner, is agreeable, and good natured. Niceness has also been defined as having a courteous manner that respects social usage. Some synonyms for niceness are friendliness, charm, amiability, affability, and decency. A person who is motivated to be nice is often driven by social expectations, a desire to be liked, or a fear of causing discomfort.
Writer Hannah Braim wrote that empathy is the ability to understand someone else’s situation, experience, feelings, and behaviors. Empathy is the foundation of this concern.
Take a moment to be kind. Taking time to help others is kindness. For example, you can give up a seat on the bus, train, or subway. You pay for someone’s coffee. You can create a card and send it to a relative, telling them you are thinking of them. You can offer a person your time to listen to them. You can encourage others with your words and actions.
According to Thesaurus.com, niceness is often expressed through words or gestures, while kindnessis often expressed through acts.
How do psychologists define kindness? According to the American Psychological Association (APA), kindness is a “benevolent and helpful action intentionally directed toward another person.” The motivation behind kindness is often considered to be the desire to improve the person’s well-being — rather than to help someone to gain some type of reward or avoid punishment, according to APA.
The core difference lies in the underlying motivations and intentions. Niceness is often a means to an end, such as gaining approval or avoiding conflict, while kindness is the end itself, driven by a genuine desire to help others.
Being kind by helping others also helps you as a giver. Being kind improves mood and self-esteem and can give the givers a sense of purpose. It can lead to a sense of belonging and connection with others according to New Jersey City University.
I read a story about a doctor who attended a mindfulness retreat many years ago with certain expectations. Dr. Jeffrey Brantley started doing the Loving-Kindness meditation practice of directing kindness to others. Initially, he felt an aversion to the task. He judged the instructors a bit, wondering why loving-kindness had anything to do with meditation.
Yet, after a week, he noticed a change in himself. He learned that trying to practice mindfulness, where you let your thoughts pass through your mind without attaching judgment to them, did require kindness. Over time, he felt less judgmental, he was able to cultivate kindness, and it improved his mood, helped with anger, and helped during difficult interactions.
Following this experience, Brantley founded and directed the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program at Duke Integrative Medicine, then spent decades as a psychiatrist, specializing in meditation, including loving-kindness. Brantley realized that cultivating warmth toward others and yourself (self-compassion) has many benefits to our health.
I am going to challenge myself to do this Loving-Kindness meditation each day. Take time to sit quietly, and as you sit, wish people well. This includes loved ones, strangers, difficult people, and yourself. You begin each daily session thinking of others, using phrases like “may they be happy,” “may they be healthy,” and “may they find peace.”
The Mental Health Foundation in the U.K. pointed out that by taking the time to be kind to others, we can benefit from emotional upsides. It really does are effective, especially for people who are vulnerable or struggling.
Allan Luks, researcher, has researched the phenomenon called the “Helper’s High” over many years. Research has shown that after helping someone, the helper’s body releases endorphins. This creates a rush of elation, followed by a period of calm. Luks has found evidence that a helper can even re-experience this high just by remembering their altruistic acts – even long after they take place.
Kindness has health benefits:
- Kindness buffers stress
- Kindness is good for your mental health.
- Kindness is good for your heart.
- Kindness increases longevity.
“For many people,” said Dr. Brantley, especially those who beat themselves about things-the hardest person to be kind to is yourself. However, cultivating a kindness practice directly outwardly toward others, can eventually begin to direct more kindness inwardly.
I strive to be kind. We can find a way to show kindness to others in our words and actions. Kindness can start with the individual and it can start with you and me. Research in one study stated that expressing gratitude toward someone else can be an effective way to kickstart your own kindness efforts.
Resources:
Image Retrieved on 4/23/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/volunteers-teaming-up-organize-donations-charity_21535426.htm”>Image by freepik</a>
Braim, Hannah. “Being ‘Kind’ Isn’t the Same as Being ‘Nice’”. 1/6/2018. Medium.com Retrieved on 4/12/2025 fromhttps://medium.com/@hannahbraime/being-kind-isn-t-the-same-as-being-nice-
Dobrin, DSW, Arthur. “Forget Niceness—Just Be Kind.” 10/1/2022.Retrieved on 4/12/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/am-i-right/202212/forget-niceness-just-be-kind
Hirsch, Michele Lent, Jessica Migala. “All About Kindness: Definition, Health Benefits, and How to Be a Kinder Person.” Everyday Health. 12/15/2022. Retrieved on 4/18/2025 from https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/all-about-kindness/#:~:text=Another%20paper%20in%20the%20Journal,others%20when%20it%20enhances%20your
Mental Health Foundation. “Kindness Matters Guide.” Retrieved on 4/18/2025 from https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/kindness/kindness-matters-guide
New Jersey City University. “How Helping Others Benefits You!” Retrieved on 4/18/2025 from https://www.njcu.edu/student-life/campus-services-resources/counseling-center/additional-resources/articles/how-helping-others-benefits-you
Thesaurus.com “Nice Vs. Kind: A Helpful Guide to The Difference”. 5/2/2023. Retrieved on 4/12/2025 from https://www.thesaurus.com/e/grammar/nice-vs-kind/
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