Curious and Creative

Category: relationships

  • Our Shadows Can Betray Us and Impact Our relationships

    March 14, 2025

    Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung first coined the term ”shadow” to describe aspects of our psyches that have been relegated to the unconscious. Jung believed that our shadow selves contain repressed emotions, thoughts, desires, insecurities, and fears. He theorized every individual has an inherent tendency to project their own unconscious thoughts, feelings, and motivations onto others, often as a defense mechanism.

    Today, psychologists’ theories have evolved since Jung. They refer to these shadows as psychological blind spots. This is an essential concept in understanding cognitive biases and how they influence our behavior, relationships, and decision-making processes, reported the California Learning Resource Network.

    “Psychological blind spots are those personal characteristics that we do not want to recognize,” wrote Jennifer Delgado, adding, the problem with psychological blind spots is that we assume these biases as trustworthy, thinking that we are immune to them, so we deceive ourselves.

    According to Ron Passfield, Ph.D, blind spots can negatively impact every facet of our lives including decisions and relationships as they are often due to cognitive biases and personal defense mechanisms. Additionally, our blind spots often manifest in our reactivity to stimuli whatever form they take.

    Interestingly, Jung believed that our shadow selves are not evil or negative but a natural part of human nature.

    According to a 2002 study by Princeton University social psychologists, we are unable to see our blind spots or recognize the impact of our biases and limitations on our judgment, behavior, and decisions. However, we do not have problems to recognize them in others, but we may have motivated ignorance to protect the image that we have formed of ourselves.

    According to the California Learning Resource Network, there are a combination of factors that emerge to form blind spots:

    • Unconscious biases
    • Defense mechanisms
    • Emotional repression
    • Lack of self-awareness
    • Cognitive dissonance

    Next week, I will delve into the ways that our blind spots emerge. Our blind spots can manifest in various parts of our lives: relationships, professional lives, and our self perception. I will touch upon these in upcoming blog posts in the next several weeks.

    As we become aware of our blind spots, we face them and can break free of their influence. Psychologists and counselors suggest that we can acknowledge our blind spots in several different ways including pursuing self reflection, seek feedback and constructive criticism, practice mindfulness, self-compassion and seek professional help.

    Today, I will leave you with this quote:

    “Do not believe everything you think, said Allan Lokos, author of Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living. “Thoughts are just that – thoughts. You cannot control the results, only your actions.” 

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 3/14/2025 from https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/smiling-person-crowd-concept_6625250.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=36&uuid=580b87f2-77fd-4880-af42-698f2536661f&query=psychological+blind+spots

    CLRN Team. “What is a blind spot in Psychology?”  11/18/2024. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from https://www.clrn.org/what-is-a-blind-spot-in-psychology.

    Delgado, Jennifer. “Psychological Blind Spots: What you do not know about you weakens you.” Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from https://psychology-spot.com/psychological-blind-spots/

    Lokkos, Allan. Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living. Penguin Publishing Group. NY, NY ©2012

    Nguyen, Joseph. “Don’t Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking is the Beginning & End of Suffering.” Full audio book. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from ‘Don’t Believe Everything You Think’ Full-Length Audiobook (From The Author) – YouTube

    Oppong, Thomas. “Beware of Your Shadow Self-Carl Jung: On Accepting Yourself completely.” Medium.com 5/3/2023 Retrieved from Beware of Your Shadow Self — Carl Jung | by Thomas Oppong | Personal Growth | Medium

    Passfield, Ron. “Identifying our Blind Spots Through Observation and Reflection.” GrowMindfulness.com. January 25,2022. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from https://growmindfulness.com/identifying-our-blind-spots-through-observation-and-reflection/

    Tan, Emily. “Uncovering the Meaning of Blind Spots in Psychology.” Listen-Hard.com 2/8/2024 updated. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from Uncovering the Meaning of Blind Spots in Psychology – Listen-Hard

  • Curiosity Enhances Our Connections with Others

    2/21/2025

    Curiosity acts as a powerful catalyst. Curiosity, like other skills that power our emotional intelligence, is a practice wrote Erin Walsh. This is the kind of curiosity that connects us.

    Curiosity and wonder can also foster creativity, improve well-being, and deepen interpersonal relationships, wrote Nicole Whiting, MA. Curiosity and wonder are intertwined psychological states that enrich our mental and emotional lives and enhance engagement with the world.

    However, recent studies have shown that, as humans, we are experiencing loneliness at a higher rate. Harvard has conducted the longest in-depth study of Adult Development. It has studied adult physical and mental well-being. Harvard’s findings have shown that relationships not only make us happier, but keep us healthier too.

    In a world that is more divisive, with demands of remote work and working longer hours, people have struggled to foster feelings of belonging. Feeling of loneliness is taking a big toll on our well-being, noted Davis.

    According to Whiting, curiosity and wonder make our social interactions richer by helping us form deeper bonds. People who are curious tend to engage more meaningfully, while trying to understand others’ views.

    Davis wrote that we could decrease our loneliness and fulfill our need to belong by enhancing and increasing our curiosity.

    “When you show curiosity and you ask questions, and find out something interesting about another person, people disclose more, share more, and they return the favor, asking questions of you,” said Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., director of George Mason University’s Well-Being Lab.

    According to Kashdan, it is better to be interested in others than interesting.

    Curiosity can connect us with others noted Walsh and Kashdan. Curiosity has been found to expand our empathy, strengthen relationships, increase collaboration, and improve wellbeing.

    Davis said curiosity leads to opportunities to connect with others and find a sense of belonging. At the conclusion of a three-week course, Davis concluded that students enjoyed the training, they most look forward to connecting with each other even more during the live weekly calls. They yearned for more time to connect with one another.

    Curiosity is an initiative-taking facet of wonder according to Davis. It can spur us to learn more, propel us to become more engaged in new experiences and seek novel perspectives. Through these new experiences, we can connect with others in enriching and meaningful ways.

    It is important to encourage this kind of curiosity. However, we need to be aware of and acknowledge any personal biases and assumptions that we have could shut down our curiosity Walsh. It is also important to move towards and embrace our feelings and emotions, even painful ones. If you can feel your own sadness or grief, you may be more open to and curious about the grief of others.

    Here are a few ways to use curiosity to enhance our connections:

    • Show that you care by showing a genuine interest in others; this can help ease jitters of others.
    • Ask open-ended questions that elicit detailed responses and encourage a deeper level of conversation. This can encourage others to open. If you are not used to doing this, it will take practice. Be patient.
    • Practice active listening. Pause. Take a moment to take in their reply. Perhaps ask a follow-up question. Be genuinely interested.
    • Be willing to be vulnerable. People will respond to this and may reply by sharing their own vulnerabilities.
    • Invite people to share their personal stories. Seek out people who have different experiences than your own. Let your curiosity take the wheel.

    Showing a person that you care about is crucial to gaining their trust and interest advised Notas.

    Resources:

    Image by freepik

    Davis, Jeffrey, M.A. “Curiosity: A Surprising Key to Belonging. How Wonder can lead you toward more authentic connections.” March 20,2023. Retrieved on 2/16/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tracking-wonder/202303/curiosity-a-surprising-key-to-belonging

    Kashdan, Todd.

    Notas, Nick. “Embrace Curiosity and Connect with More People.” Retrieved on 2/16/2025 from https://www.nicknotas.com/blog/embrace-curiosity-and-connect-with-more-people/

    Walsh, Erin. “The Connective Power of Curiosity: Why Getting Curious is Key to Our Person and Collective Wellbeing.” Spark & Stitch Institute. Posted 12/5/2023. Retrieved on 2/16/2025 from https://sparkandstitchinstitute.com/the-connective-power-of-curiosity/#:~:text=One%20study%20demonstrated%20that%20curious,emotional%20intelligence%2C%20is%20a%20practice.

    Whiting, Nicole, MA. “The Case for Curiosity: How a wonder-driven life enhances well-being.” May 16, 2024. Retrieved on 2/16/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-limits/202404/the-case-for-curiosity#:~:text=Deepening%20Interpersonal%20Connections%2C%20Enhancing%20Well-Being%2C