Curious and Creative

Tag: anxiety

  • When Holiday Time is not a Joyful Time

    12/24/2025

    “It is a Holly, Jolly Christmas; the best time of the year.”

    This song is often in the regular Christmas music rotation for the local radio station, and it is also on my personal Apple music playlist. This year, I was paying more attention to the lyrics of various songs that I had heard before. I often played my holiday music station on Pandora when I was researching and writing my blog.

    I know the words of holiday music are intended to lift spirits. Song lyrics speak of a season filled with joy, warmth, gratitude, and celebration. What if the holidays do not bring joy to yourself or to someone that you know? Many individuals can dread the holiday season as it is filled with stress, loneliness, grief, or emotional burnout.

    Psychologist Elizabeth A. Grill wrote that family dynamics, pressures, and struggles can be magnified during the holiday season.

    According to the Better Help Editorial team, the holidays can raise challenging feelings and create conflict. When left unaddressed, such stress can evolve into more serious health issues.

    Holidays over the years have been a mix of joy, stress, and sometimes loneliness. I did not always share my feelings with others as I did want to be a “wet blanket” on other’s holiday cheer. There have been many times that, by Christmas Day, I rolled around I was physically and mentally exhausted.

    In a Lifestance Health Survey, it found that seven out of ten respondents feel pressured to appear happier than they are during the holidays. More than half of the respondents feel lonely around the holidays, even when they are with loved ones. According to 57 percent of the respondents, holidays are stressful.

    I put a lot of pressure on myself to create the perfect and magical Christmas, and replicate happy experiences from my childhood for my own family. I have learned over the years, after my younger was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at age six, that the stress and demands of the holidays could turn daily life into a tailspin. Christmas gatherings were very overwhelming, and included lots of people, food, presents, and expectations. Sometimes, it did not turn out like a picture-perfect Christmas card –  not even close. Christmases were and are different.

    As my younger son grew into a teenager and now as young adult, I have worked hard to get his input on what he liked, loved, hated, or wanted to do without. I have worked hard this year to do weekly or even daily check-ins with him. How can I help? What does he need? In the process of trying to help him with the stresses of the holidays, I have helped myself.

    Chloe Bean is a somatic trauma therapist that specializes in anxiety and nervous system regulation.

    “A big reason mental health declines in December,” stated Bean,  “is because the nervous system gets pulled in many directions at once.”

    There are shorter days, increased social pressure, travel, financial stress, family roles and dynamics that reopen wounds, noted Bean.

    Some people experienced unhealthy situations and dynamics, said Mary Fleisch, a licensed trauma therapist.

    “Mental health declines during the holidays,” said Fleisch, “because there is a lot of pressure and buildup around connection and belonging.” 

    There are also many personal, family, and community pressures to gather, visit, and enjoy meals together. There maybe pressure to be “happy,” when you really are not. If you are not in the mood to celebrate, others may tease that you are “The Grinch” or being a “Scrooge.”

    There are holiday blues and season affective disorder, there is a distinct difference.

    A person experiencing holiday blues is facing situational stress, grief, or pressure related to the holidays. On the other hand, someone that experiences seasonal affective disorder faces recurring seasonal depression that is linked to light changes, and has lasting symptoms. An evaluation by a professional counselor can help determine whether it is holiday blues or SAD.

    The holidays can magnify stress and grief. Here are some common triggers:

    • Family stress during the holidays
    • Perfectionism
    • Feeling that you might miss out
    • Comparison
    • Scrolling social media
    • Family gatherings
    • Grief/loss

    The holidays can amplify disconnecting, noted Rebecca Kase, LCSW. She added that loneliness is a physiological state, not a personality flaw.

    Grill says the holidays can hurt, and it is important to find balance and compassion for yourself. It is important to prioritize self-care without guilt. Your needs deserve the same compassion you give others.

    The holidays can be emotionally complex. While some people may look forward to connection, others can experience pressure, overstimulation, grief, or financial strain. These can magnify underlying anxiety, depression, or other symptoms, noted Georgia Behavioral Health.

    Here are some things to consider when you are trying to help yourself or another person:

    • Let go of external pressures. You are not obligated to meet other’s expectations.
    • Know your limits. Protect your emotional capacity. Say “no” to events or interactions if you feel overwhelmed. Choose how you spend your time.
    • Release the perfection. Striving for perfectionism is self-sabotage. Not every moment will be magical. Do you know what, that is okay?
    • Practice self-kindness. Remind yourself that what you do is enough.
    • Take breaks and maintain routines of sleep, exercise, and mindfulness.
    • Practice daily self-checking ins. Ask yourself what do I need today?
    • Acknowledge your feelings. Your feelings deserve validation.

    I would like to add one of my own, rethink traditions. Not all traditions are meant to be continued into perpetuity. I used to worry that if I did not continue traditions of my family with my kids or those of my husband’s family, then I would fail. I know that sounds silly, but I let external pressures impact me. Give yourself kindness this Christmas.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 12/24/2025 from Image by DC Studio on Freepik

    Better Help Editorial Team. “How Holidays Affect Mental Health: Stress, Depression, Anxiety, and the Holiday Blues.” 11/7/2025. Retrieved on 12/21/2025 from https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/current-events/how-holidays-affect-mental-health-stress-depression-anxiety-and-the-holiday-blues/

    Georgia Behavioral Health. “Can Anxiety Cause Dizziness? Unpacking the Myths and Facts.” 12/12/2025. Retrieved on 12/21/2025 from https://www.gbhpsych.com/holidays-and-mental-health/

    Grill, Psych D., Elizabeth. “When the Holidays Hurt: Finding Balance and Compassion.” Psychology Today. 12/14/2025. Retrieved on 12/21/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-the-womb/202512/when-the-holidays-hurt-finding-balance-and-compassion?

    Moser, Jason, and Shelly DeJong. “Ask the Expert: How to Manage Stress Over the Holidays.” 12/18/2025. Retrieved on 12/21/2025 from https://psychology.msu.edu/news-events/news/managing-holiday-stress.html

    Nenn, Kerry. “Best Ways to Manage Holiday Depression and Stress, According to Mental Health Experts.” 12/17/2025. Retrieved on 12/21/2025 from https://therapy.com/conditions/depression/holiday-depression-stress/

  • Who Am I? What Makes “Me” me?

    May 10,2025

    What is self-perception? Self-perception refers to the way an individual views themselves, encompassing their internal feelings and understanding of their characteristics. It involves a personal and subjective understanding of oneself, rather than external perceptions from others. The person has a picture of who they are. This perception influences attitudes, behavior and overall sense of self.

    Why is self-perception important? It is important for understanding how individuals think, behave, and relate to others. According to a 2022 published study, it is understood that self-perception includes those internally conscious and organized concepts that the individual has about oneself.

    There are other words for self-perception, such as self-image, self-concept, introspection, self-awareness, self-examination, and self-reflection. These terms also relate to how a person perceives themselves, their abilities, and place in the world.  In today’s blog, I will focus on self-perception and self-concept.

    Self-concept is what you believe defines you as a person. It answers the “Who Am I?” question. It involves everything about you, from your morals and everyday behaviors to your talents, hobbies, and beliefs. Self-concept is a critical component of identity development.

    What is the difference between self-concept vs. self-esteem? Self-concept and self-esteem are related, according to the Aster Mental Health website, yet they are distinct ideas in psychology. Self-concept is a broader term that encompasses the entirety of an individual’s beliefs about themselves, including their traits, behaviors, and overall identity. Whereas, self-esteem refers to the evaluative and affective aspect of self-concept. It is the judgment and emotional reaction a person has towards themselves. Self-esteem relates to how much a person likes or values themselves. I am going touch part on that in another blog post.

    According to humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers, there are three parts of self-concept:

    • Ideal self – your vision and ambitions of who you want to be.
    • Real self (self-image) – how you currently see and perceive yourself.
    • Self-esteem – how much worth and value you believe you have.

    Carl Rogers was an American psychologist who was one of the founders of humanistic psychology. Rogers’ main theory was that people have an innate desire for personal growth and self-actualization. He believed that people have an inherent tendency to realize their full potential when supported by an environment that provides unconditional positive regard. Rogers’ work transformed psychotherapy.

    As I delved further into the concept of self-perception, I learned many things, too many to fit into this one blog post. One key theory that I came upon is the self-perception theory. It is an important concept in psychology.  It was first introduced in the 1960’s by a social psychologist named Daryl J. Bem at Cornell University. It asserts that people develop their attitudes (when there is no previous attitude due to a lack of experience, etc.—and the emotional response is ambiguous) by observing their own behavior and concluding what attitudes must have caused it.

    Initially, Bern’s theory was seen by some as a concept that challenged cognitive dissonance. However, further research that built upon Bem’s work has concluded that the self-perception theory and cognitive dissonance do indeed have different applications. The critical difference is that self-perception theory relates to situations where an individual’s attitude is ambiguous or weak. Since the 1960s, there have been other numerous studies conducted by psychologists that support the self-perception theory, demonstrating that emotions do follow behaviors. 

    Bem outlined the key ideas for his theory:

    • Inference from behavior
    • Ambiguous internal cues
    • Attitude formation
    • Behavioral cues as evidence
    • Lack of prior attitude

    “Individuals come to know their own attitudes, emotions, and other internal states,”  wrote Bem, “partially by inferring them from observations of their own overt behavior and/or the circumstances in which the behavior occurs.”

    The Decision Lab shared the basic idea of Self-Perception Theory as, “We typically view the interaction between attitudes and behaviors as a causal sequence that progresses linearly from attitude to behavior. We might have an attitude towards work ethic, for example, which would translate into some behavior, like working overtime to get the job done.”

    What influences our self-perceptions? Other people can influence our self-concept and self-esteem, but there more important systemic forces on our self-perception have the most influence, wrote Tammera Stokes Rice. Influences include social and family influences, culture, and media. Each play a role in shaping who we think we are and how we feel about ourselves.

    As a newborn, we are a blank slate. Parents and peers shape our self-perceptions in positive and negative ways. Feedback that we get from significant others can lead to perceptions of self. As we grow, those influences can change. The way that you perceive yourself impacts all arenas of your life. In general, we strive to present a public image that matches our self-perception or self-concept. Take the time, get out a journal, and write down answers to the following:

    • Make a list of characteristics that you think describe who you are.
    • Name one positive and one negative influence that had your self-perception.

    “From the start, our environment shapes who we are. We don’t always see it, but we are similarly influenced by what the people around us believe.”
    ― C.B. Lansdell, Far Removed

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 5/10/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/portrait-woman-with-low-self-esteem_36305570.htm”>Image by pikisuperstar on Freepik</a>

    Aster Mental Health. “What is Self-concept in Psychology?” Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from https://www.astermentalhealth.com/what-is-self-concept-in-psychology/#:~:text=Different%20cultures%20emphasize%20different%20aspects,to%20which%20individuals%20compare%20themselves.

    Bem, Daryl J. “Self-Perception: An Alternative Interpretation of Cognitive Dissonance Phenomena.” Carnegie Institute of Technology. Psychological Review. 1967, vol. 74, No.3, 183-200. Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from https://web.mit.edu/curhan/www/docs/Articles/15341_Readings/Motivation/Bem_1967_Self_perception.pdf

    Bem, Daryl J. “Self Perception Theory.” Advance in Experimental Social Psychology, vol. 6. 1972. Academic Press, Inc. New  York. Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from http://www.communicationcache.com/uploads/1/0/8/8/10887248/self-perception_theory.pdf

    The Decision Lab.”Self Perception Theory”. Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from https://thedecisionlab.com/reference-guide/psychology/self-perception-theory

    McLeod, PhD, Saul. “Contribution to Psychology,” Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from https://www.simplypsychology.org/carl-rogers.html#:~:text=Carl%20Rogers’%20humanistic%20theory%20focuses,that%20provides%20unconditional%20positive%20regard.

    Palenzuela-Luis N, Duarte-Clíments G, Gómez-Salgado J, Rodríguez-Gómez JÁ, Sánchez-Gómez MB. International Comparison of Self-Concept, Self-Perception and Lifestyle in Adolescents: A Systematic Review. Int J Public Health. 2022 Sep 29;67:1604954. doi: 10.3389/ijph.2022.1604954. PMID: 36250150; PMCID: PMC9556634. Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9556634/#:~:text=Finally%2C%20self%2Dperception%20is%20important,individual%20has%20about%20him%2Fherself.

    Psych Central.”The Makeup and Theories of Self Concept.” Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from https://psychcentral.com/health/self-concept

    Social Science Explainer. “Self-Perception Theory.” Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrtNaguKM68

    “Study.com “Self-Perception Theory: Definition and Examples.” Psychology 104: Social Psychology. Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from https://study.com/academy/lesson/self-perception-theory-definition-and-examples.

    “Self-perception” theory”. Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-perception_theory#:~:text=Self-perception%20theory Stokes Rice, Tammera. College of the Canyons. “3.5 Influence on Self-Perception.” Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from https://socialsci.libretexts.org/Courses/College_of_the_Canyons/COMS_100%3A_Process_of_Communication_(Stokes-Rice)/03%3A_Perceiving_and_Understanding/3.05%3A_Influences_on_Self-Perception

  • Curiosity is an Antidote to Fear

    January 30, 2025

    Curiosity and fear are two different states in our minds, and they impact different parts of our brains.

    As we have evolved as humans, fear has become the internal warning system that is hard-wired to protect ourselves. Fear can trigger the fight or flight response when our brain senses a threat. The amygdala  region of the brain moves into the driver’s seat when a threat is detected. Contrarily, curiosity is driven by our desire to learn, explore and understand our surroundings. The pre-frontal cortex that is in charge of higher-order thinking lights up and kicks into gear when we are involved or curious.

    According to neuroscientists, curiosity and fear are considered opposing mental states. Curiosity is actively seeking information and engagement, while fear pulls us back from potential and perceived threats. Our brain shifts between the regions of the brain that are activated by curiosity or fear.

    “Here’s our powerful opportunity — by cultivating curiosity, we can calm our fears,” wrote Sara Hickman, Change Consultant at the website “Brave in the U.K.”

    Think of fears that you have. Are they spiders, snakes, death, or something else? One of the biggest fears that people have is public speaking. How many of you can relate to that fear? I learned that many would rather be in the coffin than give a eulogy at a funeral.  It is amazing to think that public speaking is more feared than death itself.  Does public speaking frighten you?  What does it feel like when you are fearful? A sense of dread may awash your body.

    Let’s imagine, you are attending a meeting. A co-worker makes an introduction and your name is announced. Now… it is your time to walk onto the stage. Perhaps the palms of your hands begin to sweat, your stomach starts to churn, and a lump in your throat forms, and your heart may begin racing. Fear can be felt in our bodies.  Don’t let your fear take over the wheel. You are still in control. Fear can be insidious, but you are not indefensible against it. The antidote…Curiosity.

    When your curiosity is piqued by an interesting fact or interesting tidbit, your brain enters the “curiosity state.” First, the parts of the brain which are sensitive to uncomfortable or unknown conditions and environments light up. Then the part of the brain responsible for learning and memory, known as the pre-frontal cortex, comes online. Our brains then release the reward chemical dopamine. Dopamine has been found to intrinsically linked to the brain’s curiosity state. When you are curious and learning new facts and exploring the unknown, the brain floods our bodies with dopamine. Dopamine makes us happier.

    Would you rather be excited and energized by curiosity or sick to your stomach with fear? In the simplest terms, curiosity acts in the opposite way of fear. I know what I would choose. Do you?

    It is not that simple. We have train our bodies to start choosing curiosity over fear. It will take time to do so. Curiosity is not just an antidote, it is a mindset.

    Resources:

    Britannica Curiosity Compass. “The Science of Curiosity.” Retrieved on 1/29/2025 from https://curiosity.britannica.com/science-of-curiosity.html

    Discover Your Curiosity Type. https://curiosity.britannica.com/curiosity-personality-quiz

    Hickman, Sara. Director & Principal Consultant. “The Antidote to Fear is Curiosity.” Retrieved on 1/29/2025 from https://wearebrave.co.uk/the-antidote-for-fear-is-curiosity#:~:text=Fear%20and%20curiosity%20are%20like,powerful%20tool%20for%20managing%20fear%E2%80%A6.

    Noice, Cathy. “Curiosity: The Antidote for Fear. November 23, 2014. Retrieved on 1/29/2025 from https://workplacenavigator.com/2014/11/23/curiosity-the-antidote-for-fear/

    clip art courtesy of dreamstime.