January 16, 2025
I once heard that there is no such thing as a “dumb” question, but one that is not asked. Many people hold back from asking questions, because they are afraid to look foolish or be embarrassed. If a question is in your mind, it might be one that others have as well. Ask the question.
In my last blog, I asked my readers, “Do you ask questions?” In this blog, I am focusing on how you ask questions. The way you ask questions will give you the direction to the possible answers. How we ask questions of others and ourselves impacts and affects communication. I have learned that lesson many times over, particularly as a parent.
As a child, my younger son did not ask “why” questions as often as he asked “how” questions. He wanted to know how to do things. If I asked if he cleaned his room, an overwhelming feeling of “where do I begin?” would wash over him. Rather, if he could pick up the towels in his room and take them to the laundry room; he was able to do that.
My younger son is now 26 years old. He was diagnosed twenty years ago with Asperger’s syndrome, more commonly known now as autism spectrum disorder. Over the preceding years, he was also diagnosed with audio processing challenges and attention deficit disorder (inattentive type), which can cause some communication challenges.
Over the last two decades, I have learned to phrase my questions better, so I can help my son understand what I am asking of him. I am learning to speak more slowly. Admittedly, in the rush of the day, I am still working on slowing down, calling out his name and waiting for a response before asking a question or listing things to do. I am working to reduce what we call in our home, “drive by instructions.” I admit it some communication habits are hard to break without practice. I have learned that how we phrase questions can matter.
I would like you to take a few moments to read the following scenario. Take your time. Here is a scenario: You are in a tight financial position this month, as an unexpected expense came about. You’re stressed and finances are spread thinly. If you asked yourself, “what should I do?” How would your mind process an answer? You may draw a blank, or panic, or just stare at a computer screen. Instead of asking yourself, “what should I do?” Ask yourself “what could I do,” or, “How am I doing now?”
Phrasing questions may impact your brain’s information, an internet search, or something else from other individuals and sources. Take the time to consider the types of questions that you want to ask.
Writer J. Robert Parkinson once heard a talk radio guest comment, “ask the wrong question, and you’ll get the wrong answer.” Parkinson wrote that although no one deliberately seeks a wrong answer, you might get one, if you do not give enough forethought to what question you want to ask.
Parkinson suggested asking open-ended questions with “how,” “why,” or “what.” Using open-ended questions can collect a lot of info from the other person and about a particular subject.
As I continued my research, I came across a blog from the Curiosity Tank.
Here are some tips from that blog:
- Identify and avoid leading questions, these are any questions that contain bias.
- Remove any industry jargon or acronyms. Simplify.
- Eliminate any unnecessary words.
- Phrase questions in layperson terms.
Here is some other advice: ask one question at a time. Pause after each question. Give the other person time to reply. Do not jump in after the initial reply. Pause again after hearing the initial response. It takes practice. Before asking a question, think about how you will ask it.
Resources:
Curiosity Tank blog “Question wording is Important.” Retrieved on January 15., 2025 from https://www.curiositytank.com/blog/question-wording-is-important
Parkinson, J. Robert “Phrasing questions to get right information is a necessary art.”January 4, 2014. The Herald Tribune. Retrieved on January 15, 2025 from https://www.heraldtribune.com/story/news/2014/01/04/phrasing-questions-to-get-right-information-is-a-necessary-art/29220850007/
“Question Phrasing’”. Retrieved on January 15, 2025, from https://wp.stolaf.edu/iea/question-phrasing/
Curious and Creative 