Curious and Creative

Tag: depression

  • When Holiday Time is not a Joyful Time

    12/24/2025

    “It is a Holly, Jolly Christmas; the best time of the year.”

    This song is often in the regular Christmas music rotation for the local radio station, and it is also on my personal Apple music playlist. This year, I was paying more attention to the lyrics of various songs that I had heard before. I often played my holiday music station on Pandora when I was researching and writing my blog.

    I know the words of holiday music are intended to lift spirits. Song lyrics speak of a season filled with joy, warmth, gratitude, and celebration. What if the holidays do not bring joy to yourself or to someone that you know? Many individuals can dread the holiday season as it is filled with stress, loneliness, grief, or emotional burnout.

    Psychologist Elizabeth A. Grill wrote that family dynamics, pressures, and struggles can be magnified during the holiday season.

    According to the Better Help Editorial team, the holidays can raise challenging feelings and create conflict. When left unaddressed, such stress can evolve into more serious health issues.

    Holidays over the years have been a mix of joy, stress, and sometimes loneliness. I did not always share my feelings with others as I did want to be a “wet blanket” on other’s holiday cheer. There have been many times that, by Christmas Day, I rolled around I was physically and mentally exhausted.

    In a Lifestance Health Survey, it found that seven out of ten respondents feel pressured to appear happier than they are during the holidays. More than half of the respondents feel lonely around the holidays, even when they are with loved ones. According to 57 percent of the respondents, holidays are stressful.

    I put a lot of pressure on myself to create the perfect and magical Christmas, and replicate happy experiences from my childhood for my own family. I have learned over the years, after my younger was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at age six, that the stress and demands of the holidays could turn daily life into a tailspin. Christmas gatherings were very overwhelming, and included lots of people, food, presents, and expectations. Sometimes, it did not turn out like a picture-perfect Christmas card –  not even close. Christmases were and are different.

    As my younger son grew into a teenager and now as young adult, I have worked hard to get his input on what he liked, loved, hated, or wanted to do without. I have worked hard this year to do weekly or even daily check-ins with him. How can I help? What does he need? In the process of trying to help him with the stresses of the holidays, I have helped myself.

    Chloe Bean is a somatic trauma therapist that specializes in anxiety and nervous system regulation.

    “A big reason mental health declines in December,” stated Bean,  “is because the nervous system gets pulled in many directions at once.”

    There are shorter days, increased social pressure, travel, financial stress, family roles and dynamics that reopen wounds, noted Bean.

    Some people experienced unhealthy situations and dynamics, said Mary Fleisch, a licensed trauma therapist.

    “Mental health declines during the holidays,” said Fleisch, “because there is a lot of pressure and buildup around connection and belonging.” 

    There are also many personal, family, and community pressures to gather, visit, and enjoy meals together. There maybe pressure to be “happy,” when you really are not. If you are not in the mood to celebrate, others may tease that you are “The Grinch” or being a “Scrooge.”

    There are holiday blues and season affective disorder, there is a distinct difference.

    A person experiencing holiday blues is facing situational stress, grief, or pressure related to the holidays. On the other hand, someone that experiences seasonal affective disorder faces recurring seasonal depression that is linked to light changes, and has lasting symptoms. An evaluation by a professional counselor can help determine whether it is holiday blues or SAD.

    The holidays can magnify stress and grief. Here are some common triggers:

    • Family stress during the holidays
    • Perfectionism
    • Feeling that you might miss out
    • Comparison
    • Scrolling social media
    • Family gatherings
    • Grief/loss

    The holidays can amplify disconnecting, noted Rebecca Kase, LCSW. She added that loneliness is a physiological state, not a personality flaw.

    Grill says the holidays can hurt, and it is important to find balance and compassion for yourself. It is important to prioritize self-care without guilt. Your needs deserve the same compassion you give others.

    The holidays can be emotionally complex. While some people may look forward to connection, others can experience pressure, overstimulation, grief, or financial strain. These can magnify underlying anxiety, depression, or other symptoms, noted Georgia Behavioral Health.

    Here are some things to consider when you are trying to help yourself or another person:

    • Let go of external pressures. You are not obligated to meet other’s expectations.
    • Know your limits. Protect your emotional capacity. Say “no” to events or interactions if you feel overwhelmed. Choose how you spend your time.
    • Release the perfection. Striving for perfectionism is self-sabotage. Not every moment will be magical. Do you know what, that is okay?
    • Practice self-kindness. Remind yourself that what you do is enough.
    • Take breaks and maintain routines of sleep, exercise, and mindfulness.
    • Practice daily self-checking ins. Ask yourself what do I need today?
    • Acknowledge your feelings. Your feelings deserve validation.

    I would like to add one of my own, rethink traditions. Not all traditions are meant to be continued into perpetuity. I used to worry that if I did not continue traditions of my family with my kids or those of my husband’s family, then I would fail. I know that sounds silly, but I let external pressures impact me. Give yourself kindness this Christmas.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 12/24/2025 from Image by DC Studio on Freepik

    Better Help Editorial Team. “How Holidays Affect Mental Health: Stress, Depression, Anxiety, and the Holiday Blues.” 11/7/2025. Retrieved on 12/21/2025 from https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/current-events/how-holidays-affect-mental-health-stress-depression-anxiety-and-the-holiday-blues/

    Georgia Behavioral Health. “Can Anxiety Cause Dizziness? Unpacking the Myths and Facts.” 12/12/2025. Retrieved on 12/21/2025 from https://www.gbhpsych.com/holidays-and-mental-health/

    Grill, Psych D., Elizabeth. “When the Holidays Hurt: Finding Balance and Compassion.” Psychology Today. 12/14/2025. Retrieved on 12/21/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-the-womb/202512/when-the-holidays-hurt-finding-balance-and-compassion?

    Moser, Jason, and Shelly DeJong. “Ask the Expert: How to Manage Stress Over the Holidays.” 12/18/2025. Retrieved on 12/21/2025 from https://psychology.msu.edu/news-events/news/managing-holiday-stress.html

    Nenn, Kerry. “Best Ways to Manage Holiday Depression and Stress, According to Mental Health Experts.” 12/17/2025. Retrieved on 12/21/2025 from https://therapy.com/conditions/depression/holiday-depression-stress/

  • Our Brains Are Wired for Social Connection

    12/21/2025

    Over the last four weeks, I have focused on the topic of loneliness and its impact on our overall health, not just mental health. Isolation increases risks for mental and physical health issues including heart disease. As I noted, the type of connection is important.

    I have been in a crowded room with tons of people around me and felt disconnected and lonely.

    According to writer Maggie Wooll, loneliness is a state of mind that occurs when there’s a disconnect between one’s desire for human connection and their actual level of connection. In other words, it is when our longing for human relationships is unfulfilled. Our levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, go up when we feel lonely.

    Did you know that chronic stress can lead to many health issues? Recent studies have compared loneliness to smoking fifteen cigarettes per day.

    Human beings are inherently social creatures, wrote Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., an adjunct faculty member at the University of Utah School of Medicine. He added, human survival and well-being depend on social connections and meaningful relationships.

    “Anthropological studies indicate that early humans engaged in rituals, storytelling, and cooperative child-rearing—practices that strengthened social bonds and enhanced group cohesion (Tomasello, 2014). The need for social connection is so deeply ingrained in our biology that our bodies react negatively to prolonged isolation,” wrote Goldstein.

    What is human connection? According to Wooll, human connection is a deep bond that is formed between people when they feel seen and valued. During an authentic human connection, people exchange positive energy with one another and build trust.

    Have you heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? According to Maslow, food, water, safety, love, and belonging are the most important needs we must fulfill. When our needs and desire for interpersonal relationships and intimacy are met, our overall well-being improves, leading to more fulfilled life.

    There is a big benefit of social interaction, as it relieves loneliness as much as eating reduces hunger, according to a Harvard study released in March 2025. The study’s findings revealed specialized neurons in the hypothalamus that drive our desire for social interaction. Additionally, when we physically connect with others, our brain’s reward system activates.

    The hypothalamus is located at the base of the brain. It serves as the brain’s hub for regulating our basic needs. When we physically connect with others, our brains’ reward systems activate. When the reward system activates, the brain releases the “feel good” chemicals, such as serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. Serotonin can brighten our mood, oxytocin fosters feelings of closeness, and dopamine reinforces the idea that connecting with others is a good thing.

    The teams of researchers observed that there are two groups of neurons at play. They are encoded to different states of social behavior. One group represents the brain’s need for connection after isolation and the other group signals the brain’s response to having met that need during social interaction. When a mouse interacted with another mouse, the specialized neurons were prompted to release dopamine. Researchers noted that this like how eating reduces hunger, social interaction reduces loneliness.

    Although we have come far from social interaction with others through newer technologies, the Harvard study indicated that we need physical connection as well. Individuals are still feeling disconnected. What does it mean to feel connected? As the researchers saw in mice who physically touched another mouse after isolation, physical interaction may be key to restoring social interaction.

    In a 2015 TEDX Chelmsford presentation, Presenter Dan Foxx said, “As human beings, we have always been genetically driven to connect with other people. We are social animals, but we are poor at this skill. And we are “blind” to the obstacle which stands in our way, because the obstacle is US!”

    According to Foxx, first we need to obscure our ego’s needs.  Next, we need to learn a new way to love, to begin to authentically care for others first.  Then, we will begin to see changes in new and renewed relationships.

    In a concurring view, Molly Carroll, licensed therapist and published author, said during her TEDX Manhattan Beach presentation, “human connection lowers anxiety, depression, and suicide ideation, and how improving our connection with ourselves helps us better connect with others.”

    As people, we need to make deeper connections noted Carroll, adding, if we improve our connection with ourselves, we will then be able to connect better with others.

    Goldstein noted that there are three ways to foster connection:

    1. Prioritize face to face interactions. Meet in person. Studies have shown that face to face interactions help reduce stress and increase feelings of belonging.
    2. Engage in shared activities. Participate in group activities like volunteering, team sports, or hobby groups.
    3. Practice active listening and empathy. Show genuine interest in others. Make eye contact, respond thoughtfully.

    I know from experience that it can be hard to break out of loneliness. I know there are risks for putting yourself out there. I fear rejection. Be proactive. I strongly encourage you to reach out and set up at least one face-to-face meeting a week with someone you know or someone you would like to get to know better. Prioritize genuine, meaningful connections.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 12/20/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/arrangement-still-life-friendship-day-elements_14311777.htm

    Carroll, Molly. “The Need for Human Connection and Why it Starts with Ourselves.” Video. TEDxManhattan Beach.    Retrieved on 11/18/2025 from The need for human connection and why it starts with ourselves | Molly Carroll | TEDxManhattanBeach

    Foxx, Dan. “The Hidden Truth about Human Connection.”  Video. TEDXChelmsford. 8/20/2015. Retrieved on 11/18/2025 from The hidden truth about human connection | Dan Foxx | TEDxChelmsford

    Goldstein, Sam. “Why We Need Each Other: Building Meaningful Relationships for a Better Life.” Psychology Today. 3/17/2025. Retrieved on 11/18/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/common-sense-science/202503/why-we-need-each-other?

    Haseltin, Ph.D. William. “New Evidence That We are Wired for Connection: Connecting with others is more than something to be desired. “3/25/2025. Psychologytoday.com Retrieved on 11/18/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/best-practices-in-health/202503/new-evidence-that-were-wired-for-connection?

    Wooll, Maggie. “You Know You Need Human Connection. Here’s How to Achieve it.” 11/17/2021. Retrieved on 12/20/2025 from https://www.betterup.com/blog/human-connection

  • Loneliness Is Not One-Size-Fits-All

    11/26/2025

    Years ago, I attended several after-hour social events hosted by the local chamber of commerce when my husband and I were members. Walking into a social situation brought me back to my high school “wall flower” era.  I was feeling so alone and awkward in a room full of people.  I attempting to connect with a group, but felt I was falling on my face (not literally, but figuratively).

    I felt as though it was high school social/political game all over again. I dreaded the events. I am more introverted than extrovert. I would try to search for my husband. I could see him across the room chatting to someone he knew. Husbands belong to various social circles. These social circles could often overlap at chamber events. He tends to get his energy from meeting up with people. It is the opposite for me. My social battery is drained.

    I was tired of the same questions, “What do you do for a living?” or “Where do you work?”  I am in a room full of people.  How is it possible to feel so alone?

    Mental health professionals have found that individuals that report feeling lonely often report feeling unseen and unheard, this contributes to the feeling of social isolation.

    Loneliness takes many forms, each requiring different solutions wrote Hans Roch IJzerman.  He added, generic advice often fails, because loneliness has different root causes and is not one size fits all.

    IJzerman commented on two scenarios.  First, a student arriving from high school to college for the first time are often surrounded by people—dorm neighbors, classmates, study groups, and endless social activities. Yet, many feel profoundly alone, because the person that understands them is missing, and they have left their social network back home.

    Second, older adults may feel loneliness for a different reason. They have been widowed, friends have moved away, and/or friends and family who have died. Their social world has contracted and diminished greatly. Although they may have a trusted and close relationship with family members, they are lonely because they have lost their broader community, wrote Ijzerman.

    Mental health experts encourage people to get out and meet people. What if you feel intimidated, discouraged, or vulnerable? Putting yourself out there is scary.

    According to Ashley Kirsner, founder and director of Skip the Small Talk, high quality person to person interactions matter. She has strived to create events that focus on just that. It has been a learning experience. Using the participants’ feedback from previous events has helped structure more effective events moving forward.

    Many individuals who are vulnerable and lonely often use self-isolation to protect themselves, noted Kirsner on a recent podcast of Choose to Be Curious with host Lynn Borton.

    According to Kirsner’s biography, Kirsner gained firsthand experience as a suicide prevention hotline call responder and as a peer counselor. She earned her B.A. in Psychology from Cornell University. She later founded the organization Skip the Small Talk and serves as its director. She even turned down acceptances to doctorate programs to devote time to her organization.

    As we are near holiday time, tomorrow being Thanksgiving, did you know that calls to suicide prevention hotlines increase during the months of November and December and on holidays themselves? As a former call responder, Kirsner learned a lot. into that called in to the hotline, would share how vulnerable that they were with a stranger that responded to the call. Yet may not share that with close friends or family.

    Kirsner’s experience includes research with professors at prestigious universities, including Cornell and the Harvard Decision Science Lab, and the Harvard Business School. Topics for the studies were on social and clinical psychology from decision-making and implicit biases. This experience has helped her develop the structure of her Skip the Small Talk events. Skip the Small Talk targets young adults in their twenties and thirties.

    I want to connect, beyond small talk. I wish there a version of Skip the Small Talk for older adults. I have found as I have gotten older, that what kept me busy as a young mother is done. My sons are 30 and 27. I have one living at home and one out on his own. I feel as though I am not needed as often. My days are no longer filled with the role of Mom. Although I do not have a complete empty nest. My birds can fly alone now.

    Transitions from one part of life to another have their own challenges, burdens, and positives. I am not always willing to admit that these changes affect me negatively. I do not always want to admit that I can be lonely. I do not want to share that vulnerability with friends or family. I try to tell myself, “I am fine.” I need to get over myself. I need to find purpose.

    IJzerman noted that if you are feeling socially lonely, join a club/activity of interest. If you are feeling emotionally lonely, seek out ways to deepen the relationships that you have. Spend more time with someone to build trust. If you are experiencing both types of loneliness join a club and schedule time once a week with a close friend.

    Feeling the weight of loneliness has made me feel like I have a damp wet blanket on top of me. It may feel different for you. I know it can be hard. Try to call someone and meet in person. The face-to-face connection is important to dissipate the loneliness. It may not go away fully or all at once. It is one step closer to feeling better.

    “The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.” – Robin Williams

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 11/25/2025 from https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/men-are-broken-heart-being-rejected-by-women-valentines-day-vector-flat-illustration-character-design_24022986.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=31&uuid=dbe60411-aa13-4492-b27f-d1eb737a6b17&query=lonely

    Borton, Lynn. Choose to be Curious: conversations about curiosity in work and life. Podcast.Episode#306. “Skip the Small Talk, with Ashley Kirsner.”11/20/2025. Retrieved on 11/21/2025 from https://soundcloud.com/choosetobecurious/ep-306-skip-the-small-talk-with-ashley-kirsner/

    IJzerman, Ph.d. Hans Rocha. “Better Understanding Loneliness Through Experiences: Loneliness is inherently Heterogeneous.” 10/15/2025. Retrieved on 11/18/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/body-meet-mind/202510/better-understanding-loneliness-through-your-experiences

    Ursano, Iva. “Better Understanding Loneliness Through Your Experiences

    The Kind of Loneliness No One Talks About.” Medium. 10/27/2025. Retrieved 11/21/2025 from https://ivaursano.medium.com/the-kind-of-loneliness-no-one-talks-about-bcba1ea31983

  • Do You Feel Lonely?

    November 19, 2025

    Image by rawpixel.com on Freepik

    Have you ever felt lonely and lost in a room full of people?

    You do not have to be alone to feel lonely. Our modern life is designed for isolation. Yet, loneliness harms our bodies not just our minds according to the U.S. Surgeon General.

    The effect and mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, noted U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. Additionally, this is greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity.

    Murthy first put the spotlight on the loneliness epidemic back in the spring of 2023. He reported that during his first listening tour of the U.S., he began hearing stories that they felt isolated, invisible and insignificant. But even they could not put their finger on the word, “lonely.”

    How does the Surgeon General define loneliness? Loneliness is described as a state of mind: “a subjective distressing experience that results from perceived isolation or inadequate meaningful connections, where inadequate refers to the discrepancy or unmet need between an individual’s preferred and actual experience.” 

    “Loneliness is not about being alone. It is about feeling unseen,” wrote Whitney Coulson, LCSW. Adding, loneliness is about our needs for connection not being met. We feel we are not being met, unseen, unheard, or unimportant to anyone in a meaningful way, noted Coulson.

    Loneliness has become such an important topic, that between 2021-2024, Harvard University Graduate School of Education conducted the study “Making Care Common.” Researchers investigated the underlying causes of loneliness and in May 2024, they conducted a national survey with the company YouGov to find out what Americans had to say about the problem.

    Who is lonely? It might not be what you would expect, according to a 2024 Harvard University Study:

    • People between 30-44 years of age were the loneliest group — 29% of people in this age range said they were “frequently” or “always” lonely.
    • Among 18–29-year-olds — the rate was 24%.
    • For 45–64-year-olds, the rate was 20%.
    • Adults aged sixty-five and older reported the lowest rate: 10% felt lonely.
    • There were no real gender differences found, nor political ideology, race, or ethnicity. Yet, adults with more than one racial identity had much higher levels of loneliness: 42 percent of multiracial survey respondents reported they were lonely.
    • Interestingly, there were notable differences between income, but not education levels. Twenty-nine percent of Americans earning less than $30,000 were the loneliest. Nineteen percent of those earning between $50,000 to $100,000, and 18 percent of those making $100,000 or more reported that they were lonely.

    According to Psychology Today, half of U.S. adults reporting feeling lonely. Not just in the United States, 1 in 6 adults globally experience loneliness, with significant health impacts, including an estimated 871 hundred thousand deaths annually due to loneliness related issues.

    Did you know that chronic loneliness increases the risk of premature death by 29 percent? It is associated with higher rates of heart disease, stroke, and dementia. In a sense, loneliness can lead to broken heartedness.

    The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory, “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation 2023,” pointed out that we feel the impact of this loss of social connection. It can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organization, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished.  

    What has contributed to this epidemic of loneliness? Experts point out that several societal changes have worsened the feelings of loneliness.

    • Digital age-Technology may offer connectivity but lacks depth of face-to-face interactions: 73 percent of those surveyed said that technology contributed to loneliness.
    • COVID-19 Pandemic: The pandemic intensified feelings of disconnection and exacerbating mental health challenges.
    • Societal division-increased societal division has been linked to higher levels of loneliness:  Many adults are feeling emotionally strained and isolated.
    • Insufficient time with family: 66 percent survey participants as the reason for loneliness.
    • Mental health challenges affecting or harming relationships with others: 60 percent of people who responded to survey rated this as a significant problem.
    • Living in a society that is too individualistic: 58 percent of people named this as a cause for loneliness.
    • No religious or spiritual life: too much focus on one’s own feelings, changing nature of work. Around 50 percent of people who participated in the Harvard survey perceived this as a cause.

    Experts have described loneliness epidemic as complex and multifaceted. As I began my research, I learned that social isolation is not the same as loneliness.

    Harvard research data included anecdotal data. A person said there were plenty of family members around, but not feeling appreciated by them made them feel lonely. Another person reported, “I was surrounded by several people who are present only in my life because I am useful to them.”

    The Harvard researchers found a strong correlation between loneliness and mental health concerns. Eighty-one percent who reported being lonely said they suffered with anxiety or depression, compared to twenty-nine percent of those who less lonely. Troubled feelings, loneliness, anxiety, and depression all feed into each other noted the researchers.

    Caulson, pointed out in her Psychology Today commentary that as people we have traded community for convenience, and connection for efficiency.

    “Friendships have been replaced by group chats that start with memes and end in silence,” said Caulson.

    What does loneliness look like? Loneliness is treated by our bodies as danger notes several experts.

    When connection breaks down, noted Caulson, our nervous system shifts into preservation mode-fight, flight or freeze. Cortisol increases, sleep worsens, blood pressure rises and then over time our risks for dementia, heart disease and early death increases if chronic loneliness is not tackled.

    In therapy or counseling, it may sound like “I am so tired,” “I feel disconnected,” or “I’m busy all the time, but empty.” In everyday life, loneliness may show up as irritability, workaholicism, or an inability to rest.

    How do we fix it? How do we tackle loneliness? Three quarters of the people surveyed by Harvard University researchers highlighted the following solutions:

    • Reach out to family and friends
    • Learn to love myself
    • Learn to be more forgiving of others
    • Find ways to help others.
    • More activities and fun community events
    • Public spaces that are more accessible and connection focused like green spaces and playgrounds.

    Harvard’s “Making Caring Common” researchers reported that “Collective service can provide important connections that relieve loneliness,” they state, as well as “cultivate meaning and purpose and mitigate mental health challenges.”  

    As I noted, loneliness is more than social isolation. Caulson points out that we need to relearn how to belong.

    Over the next few blogs posts, I am going to explore and share more about loneliness. Have you felt lonely? I have.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 11/18/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/woman-getting-bored-coronavirus-quarantine-element-vector_24382767.htm”>Image by rawpixel.com on Freepik</a>

    Coulson, LCSW, Whitney. “The Loneliness Epidemic is Worse Than You Think.” 11/7/2025.

    Murthy, Vivek H. 19th and 21st Surgeon General of the United States. “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation 2023.” Retrieved on 11/18/2025 from https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

    Ross, Elizabeth M. “What is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It?” 10/25/ 2024. Harvard Graduate School of Education. Retrieved on 11/18/2025 from https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/24/10/what-causing-our-epidemic-loneliness-and-how-can-we-fix-it