April 11, 2025
Sounds like a deep question. In the here and now, we may not be fully aware of what is happening around us or who you really are. We are less aware than we think.
Dr. Tasha Eurich is an organizational psychologist, executive coach, and researcher. She conducted a multi-year study on self-awareness. Eurich concluded that 95 percent of people believe they are self-aware about how they are perceived, but in reality, only 10-15 percent are.
Eurich stated that a lack of self-awareness is higher among people with more power, the ones whose cluelessness can do more damage. Eurich defined self-awareness as an understanding of who we are and how we are seen.
According to Elizabeth Perry, writer/blogger at Betterup.com, there two types of self-awareness: private self-awareness and public self-awareness. Private involves being aware of internal aspects of self, such as thoughts, feelings, and attitude. Public self-awareness is how we perceive ourselves from the perspective of others. Awareness of how we appear and are evaluated by others.
In contrast, a lack of self-awareness is a failure to recognize one’s own strengths, weaknesses, and motivations, which makes it difficult to understand others and adapt to changing situations. Eurich’s research finds that people with self-awareness are happier and have better relationships. They also experience a sense of personal and social control, as well as higher job satisfaction.
“Most people believe they’re above average on every socially desirable characteristic,” noted Dr. Eurich, adding, “the least competent people are the most confident about their abilities and performance.” In contrast, Eurich stated that those individuals who are self-aware are better performers and more promotable at work. They tend to be happier in personal relationships, as well.
Though self-awareness is important for job performance, career, success, leadership effectiveness, and personal effectiveness, it is lacking in today’s workplace, according to Dr. Eurich.
You may have a co-worker that, despite past successes and solid qualifications, they may display a lack of insight of how they are perceived. If you are having trouble with someone, ask yourself, what’s behind the tension? If someone is unaware, there is often a consensus about their behavior.
Here are some other tell-tale signs that a co-worker may lack self-awareness:
- They cannot “read the room.” They cannot tailor their message to the audience.
- They cannot empathize with or take a perspective of others.
- They can be surprised by people’s reactions. They tend to be focused on intent, instead of their action’s impact.
- They won’t listen or accept critical feedback.
- They get defensive about feedback. If your feedback to them triggers a more emotional reaction, they likely had no clue what was happening.
- They overestimate their contributions to the team. They possess an inflated opinion of their performance.
- They are hurtful to others without realizing it.
- They take credit for successes, while blaming others for failures.
When seeking feedback, do not confront, wrote Liane Davey. Rather, ask questions to help you understand how they would like to be perceived by others. Once you understand what the person is working towards, you can provide a perspective that might help them. Set up ground values with your team, and talk about behavioral expectations as a team. There is no guarantee, wrote Davey, to enhance another’s self-awareness, but you can try.
Remember, said Eurich, the biggest difference between the unaware and the “Aware-Don’t-Care” are their intentions. The unaware genuinely want to be collaborative and effective, but don’t know they’re falling short.
What if you are the one who lacks self-awareness? High self-awareness is a rare skill. It is important, wrote Perry, as it allows leaders to assess their growth, and change course when necessary. When we develop self-awareness, we enhance our decision-making, improve relationships, recognize our emotional triggers, then better able to manage our reactions and regulate our emotions.
It will take hard work and time to increase and develop self-awareness. Ask “what” questions, like, “What can I do to improve my confidence?”
“What was I experiencing at the time?”
“What was happening in the room at the time?”
Ask others what their perceptions are of you. This may be very difficult, particularly if we have become emotional or underplayed our behavior. Keep a journal, and practice mindfulness and deep breathing.
One step at a time. I will end this blog post with this quote: “Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Resources:
Image retrieved on 4/11/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/mental-health-awareness-concept_7974025.htm”>Image by pikisuperstar on Freepik</a>
California Learning Resource Network (CLRN) “What is a blind spot in psychology?” 11/18/2024. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from What is a blind spot in psychology? –
Davey, Lianne. “How to Deal with Someone who is not Self Aware”. 6/4/2023. Retrieved on 4/7/2025 from https://lianedavey.com/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-not-self-aware/
Eurich, Tasha. “Difficult Conversations: Working with People Who Aren’t Self-Aware.” 10/19/2018. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2018/10/working-with-people-who-arent-self-aware
Perry, Elizabeth. “How to Develop Self-Awareness and Unlock Your Full Potential.” Betterup.com. 2/6/2025. Retrieved on 4/7/2025 from https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-self-awareness
Talesnik, Dana. “Eurich Explores Why Self-Awareness Matters.” Pillars of Insight. June 28, 2019. Vol. LXXI, no. 13. Retrieved on 4/7/2025 from https://nihrecord.nih.gov/2019/06/28/eurich-explores-why-self-awareness-matters
Curious and Creative 