Curious and Creative

Tag: faith

  • Hope Matters. Hope is Essential

    12/6/2025

    Are you a believer in hope, or are you cynic masquerading as a “realist?” I admit lately I spend more time in the second category than the first. My anxiety plays a big part in my view of life.

    My husband has asked me, “Why live in fear and be cynical?”

    I cannot always answer that question when I am in an anxious state. When I am anxious, anxiety hijacks my brain, locking out sensibility and logic. However, once the anxiety and panic have dissipated, logic can take reins again. I can think more clearly.

    Hope carries a lot of weight. I need to re-evaluate where I am. As I dove into research on hope, my brain locked into curiosity. Over the last few days, I have learned that hope is a stand-alone emotion that is a powerful force that makes you feel that your life matters.

    Recent research has shown that hope is more than wishful thinking and more important than happiness. If you face a difficult challenge or uncertain time, it is important to turn to hope.

    William Miller, author of the book 8 Ways to Hope, notes how important it is to hope and ways we can cultivate hope. He defines hope as a complex response, involving feeling, thought, action, vision, a life-force, and a way of seeing or being. He added, it is not a naïve approach to seeing the world, where we ignore problems and engage in “wishful thing.”

    “The essence of hope is envisioned betterment, and serves us well,” wrote Miller.  “As humans we are hardwired to dream a better future, helping us to carry on and survive.”

    University of Missouri’s Psychological Sciences research backs up this idea that hope is integral to fostering meaning in one’s life. U of M researchers. led by Megan Edwards and Laura King in the Psychological Sciences department, are showing that hope stands apart as one of the strongest positive emotions that directly fosters a sense of meaning.

    “Our research shifts the perspective on hope from merely a cognitive process related to goal attainment to recognizing it as a vital emotional experience that enriches life’s meaning,” wrote Edwards, who is now a post doctorate scholar at Duke University.  She commented that this is a new insight, and it opens new avenues for enhancing psychological well-being.

    Research included six studies of more than twenty-three hundred participants from diverse backgrounds. The teams analyzed the range of emotions, including amusement, contentment, excitement, and happiness. The findings consistently demonstrated that only hope predicted a stronger sense of meaning.

    King stated that experiencing meaning in life is crucial for about every good thing you can imagine in a person’s life. It enhances self-care in relationships, adding, it is not a rare experience as it is available to people in their everyday lives. Hope is one of the things that makes life meaningful.

    “Perceiving meaning in life can provide a sense of coherence, recognition, and comprehension in whatever is happening,” writes Miller, while “purpose in life includes a personal role in the present and future.”

    “Given the plethora of positive characteristics with which it is associated, hope might be considered a master virtue,” writes Miller. “It is a positive orientation of mind and heart toward your own future or that of the world at large.”

    Miller highlights a research study that was conducted at an in-patient alcohol treatment center, where staff was given the hopeful message that certain patients in their care were more likely to improve. After treatment was over, those patients did, indeed, have fewer drinking episodes, longer periods of abstinence, and higher rates of employment than other patients.

    But, it turns out the staff had been duped.  Those patients had no better chance of improvement than any others. Just infusing hope changed the course of treatment.

    “Seeing a possible pathway forward is both a source and a product of hope,” wrote Miller.

    Other psychologists have discovered that if you generate hopefulness, you can think about a broader range of solutions, wrote Gina Simmons Schneider, Ph.D., author of Frazzlebrain, adding that hope is healthy.

    We live in an age of cynicism and hostility where there is a deep distrust of others, including our institutions and neighbors. This can lead to feeling frazzled while dampening attitudes of cooperation or collaboration. It also can shut down healthy hopefulness. It can be scary and challenging when then faced with self-critical thoughts. Yet hope can open the door.

    Schneider wrote that when hope is generated you can provide yourself with comfort and encouragement. Talk to yourself as if you were caring for a close friend using phrases such as “may I be peaceful; may I live with ease.” These phrases can help aim your mind in a soothing direction.

    I encourage you to lean toward hope as hope can be contagious. As Rodielon, staff writer for earth.com, wrote, hope is a lifeline.

    “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”—Desmond Tutu.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 12/4/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/top-view-hop-word-made-with-scrabble-letters-against-black-background_4341855.htm

    Putol, Rodielon. “Experts identify the simple emotion that gives life meaning – and it’s not happiness.” 6/23/2025. Earth.com. Retrieved on 12/4/2025 from https://www.earth.com/news/experts-identify-the-simple-emotion-that-gives-life-meaning-and-its-not-happiness/

    Ras, Bonnie Riva, deputy editor. “Why Hope is More Important Than Happiness.” 7/12/2025. Retrieved on 12/3/2025 from https://www.goodnet.org/articles/hope-more-important-than-happiness

    Schneider, Ph.D., Gina Simmons. “Easy Ways to Generate Hope. Hopefulness is Healthy and can be Learned.” Retrieved on 12/4/2024 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/frazzlebrain/202411/easy-ways-to-generate-hope?

    Stann, Eric. University of Missouri. “Hope may be more important to your well-being than happiness.” 6/27/2025. Retrieved on 12/3/2025 from https://www.futurity.org/hope-well-being-3285112/

    Suttie, Psy.D, Jill. “Eight Ways You Can Feel More Hopeful-Even in Dark Times.” 8/21/2024. Retrieved 12/4/2025 from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/eight_ways_you_can_feel_more_hopeful_even_in_dark_times

  • What Do Your Regret Most?

    October 9, 2025

    Do you look back at your life and ask if there was something that you could have done differently? Do you carry that guilt with you?

    This week’s post focuses on moral regret, which is the third of the four core regrets that Daniel H. Pink defined in his book, Power of Regret. Moral regrets tend to ache the more and last the longest wrote Pink.

    Pink and his team surveyed 4500 Americans to collect their attitudes about regret. They also launched a survey to collect regrets from the world. Pink’s team collected more than sixteen thousand regrets from people in 105 countries.

    During his research, Pink noticed a trend as he and his team sorted through thousands of self-reported regrets. The moral transgressions that people regret, he says, read “like the production notes for a Ten Commandments training video.”

    Most of us want to be good people. Yet, we often face challenges or choices that tempt us to take the low road, wrote Pink.

    Interestingly, moral regrets accounted for just ten percent of the responses that Pink and his team received. Pink wrote that guilt is different from regret, but also a subset of moral regret, and is usually about something we have done, rather than what we failed to do.

    Five most common moral regrets:

    • Harm to others: actions that cause pain or suffering to others such as bullying or betrayal.
    • Cheating: Engaging in dishonest behavior, whether in personal relationships or competitive situations.
    • Disloyalty: Failing to support friends or family members when they need it most.
    • Subversion: Disrespecting authority figures or violating societal norms.
    • Desecration: Actions that violate deeply held beliefs or values, such as abortion or other moral transgressions.

    The Critical Thought Lab writer Simon Crawford-Welch wrote “moral regrets often feel like a heavy weight in your chest—a sense of shame or guilt that does not easily fade.”

     If you find yourself thinking, I wish I had done the right thing, you are confronting a moral regret.

    Yesel Yoon, a clinical psychologist wrote in Psychology Today, said that striving to avoid regrets entirely might cause us to miss important opportunities to gain experience and grow. However, it is not good to ruminate on regrets that we may have either.

    “Be cautious about letting regrets linger,” wrote Yoon. Additionally, when we allow them to go unprocessed, they can have negative consequences, such as depression, anxiety, self-doubt, indecision, and avoidance of opportunities.

    Use regret as a guide wrote Yoon.

    Crawford-Welch also noted that moral regrets can highlight your desire to be a good person. You can use moral regrets as a guidepost to clarify your values and strengthen your commitment to living with integrity.

    Yoon wrote it is important to learn from the past, not be stuck in the past.

    • Reflect on the past. What do you wish you had done differently?
    • Why do you regret taking the action that you did?
    • What could you differently today?
    • Imagine you have taken new steps, how would you feel?

    Additionally, Crawford-Welch suggested that you ask yourself, “what is this regret teaching me? Instead of saying to yourself, ‘I failed,’ shift to ‘I grew from this experience.’ ”

    Most importantly, practice self-compassion.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 10/9/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/hand-drawn-flat-design-shrug-illustration_24195966.htm”>Image by freepik</a>

    Crawford-Welch, Simon. “Turning Regret into Wisdom: The 4 Types of Regret and How to Use Them for Good.”  1/10/2025. The Critical Thought Lab.Retrieved on 9/22/2025 from https://thecriticalthoughtlab.com/turning-regret-into-wisdom-the-4-types-of-regret-and-how-to-use-them-for-good/

    Davis, Paula. “The 4 Major Kinds of Regret” Psychology Today. 2/2022.Retrieved on 9/9/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pressure-proof/202202/the-4-major-kinds-of-regret?msockid

    Graham, Jennifer. “Danile Pink has 19,000 regrets and counting. What can we learn from his research?” 2/26/2022. Retrieved on 9/22/2025 from https://www.deseret.com/faith/2022/2/26/22946552/daniel-pink-has-19000-regrets-and-counting-what-can-we-learn-from-his-research-ten-commandments/

    Gutfreund, Deborah. “The 4 Regrets to Transform Your Life.” 10/2024. Aish.com. Retrieved on 9/9/2025 from https://aish.com/the-4-regrets-to-transform-your-life/

    Jones, Emily Williams. “The 4 Types of Regret (A How They Affect Us.” Psychology for Mental Health. Retrieved on 8/30/2025 from https://psychologyfor.com/the-4-types-of-regret-and-how-they-affect-us/

    Mautz, Scott. “On the 4 Core Regrets, a Big Lesson Learned, and More.” “Lead on!” Issue #98: 3/29/2023. Retrieved on 8/24/2025 from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/issue-98-4-core-regrets-big-lesson-learned-more-scott-mautz/

    Pink, Daniel H. The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. Random House Large Print. ©2022

    Pink, Daniel H. “Around the World, People have the same 4 regrets.” Retrieved on 8/24/2025 from https://www.linkedin.com/posts/danielpink_around-the-world-people-have-the-same-4-regrets-activity-7237095775535538176-6Zf9/

    Pink, Daniel H. “Will We Actually See it? Daniel Pink On the Power of Regret.”                                           Retrieved on 8/25/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m45eymlraJs

    Pink, Daniel H. “The 4 Types of Regret We Don’t Recognize.” 6/14/2024. Oprah Daily. Retrieved on 9/22/2025 from https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/health/a60862112/4-types-of-regret-daniel-h-pink/

    Wattier, Linda.” 4 Types of Regret and How to Leverage Them for a More Fulfilling Life.” Tiny Buddha. Retrieved on 8/30/2025 from https://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-types-of-regret-and-how-to-leverage-them-for-a-more-fulfilling-life/

    Wright, Josh. “What is the Power of Regret? A Conversation with Daniel Pink.” Behavioral Scientist. 12/13/2022. Retrieved on 8/24/2025 from https://behavioralscientist.org/what-is-the-power-of-regret-a-conversation-with-daniel-pink/

    Yoon, Ph.D., Yesel. “Moving from Regret to Action: What Can You Do Today?” 2/23/2025. Retrieved on 9/22/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/on-second-thought/202502/moving-from-regret-to-action-what-can-you-do-today?msockid=2daa491bbe5f6f130a475bc3ba5f61f9

  • Don’t Let Your Regret Hold You Back

    9/10/2025 Wednesday

    If you think back on your life, what regret hits hardest? I believe most of us have felt that sting of regret. It is universal, yet very personal.

    Muhammad Tuhin wrote that in the quiet hours of the night, a familiar shadow often creeps in, not a ghost in the room, but a ghost of the mind. It is a moment replayed, a path not taken. It is deep ache that we define as regret.

    I think Tuhin hit the mark. I, too, have a few regrets. How would my mental health be different if I took time for myself? Could I have avoided depression cycles or had a better handle on anxiety? By focusing on my family and ignoring my needs, this neglect affected my mental, spiritual, and physical health. I chose to emotionally eat to try to hide from my feelings and negative emotions, not face the stresses or worries head-on.

    According to Daniel H. Pink, author of The Power of Regret, regret falls into four core areas: foundational, boldness, moral, and connectional. This post will focus on foundational regrets.

    Additionally, Pink noted that many of our educational, finance, and health regrets are expressions of the same core regret: our failure to be responsible, conscientious, or prudent. Examples of foundational regrets include overspending and under saving, spending time partying in college, instead of focusing on studying or eating fast food and junk food, which often cause unhealthy weight gain.

    One of the most difficult things about regret is that it sits at the intersection of acceptance and yearning. The brain wants to learn and move forward, but it also wants to revisit, and rewrite wrote Tuhin.

    Regret is that stomach-churning feeling that the present would be better and the future brighter if only you hadn’t chosen so poorly, decided so wrongly, or acted so stupidly in the past wrote Pink.

    Foundation regrets can be summarized as if only I had done the work written by Linda Wattier.

    Wattier wrote that she spent a lot of time, in her forties, that she wallowed in these regrets, revisiting past mistakes and ramping up self-criticism which led to heartbreak and grief.

    Regrets can happen. It is what we do with those regrets that can make a difference.

    “Regret is not dangerous or abnormal,” wrote Pink, “a deviation from the steady path to happiness. It is healthy and universal, an integral part of being human. Regret is also valuable. It clarifies. It instructs me. Done right, it needn’t drag us down; it can lift us up.”

    Thinking about it this way, we have a need for stability. It is important to build a basic infrastructure for educational, financial, and physical well-being, for us to have fulfilling lives wrote Wattier. Yet, when we fail to do this, we can be left with regret.

    When faced with regret, work to make a change, try to fix the situation. However, sometimes that is not always possible. “All is not lost, wrote Psychologist Emily Williams Jones.

    Over time, chronic regret can change brain chemistry. It may lower serotonin levels, heighten depression. Tuhin adds, it may even alter the connectivity between emotional and rational regions of the brain that makes it harder to regulate negative feelings.

    Pink has a three-prong approach to facing regret:

    • Look inward: This involves reframing the regret(s) that we have. Practice self-compassion. Teach and treat ourselves with kindness and understanding that can lead to healing and growth.
    • Look outward: Share your regrets with others. Talking or writing about our regrets can help us make sense of them.
    • Move forward: Extract lessons from our regrets. This is essential to create distance and gain perspective on those regrets. Optimize regret rather than minimize it. Create a failure resume to reflect and learn from past mishaps.

    We can use discomfort to solve a situation, to not make mistakes, or not miss an opportunity in the future noted Jones.

    Regret is a chapter, not a whole book, wrote Tuhin.

    Next week, I will focus on the boldness regrets, the “if only.”

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 9/7/2025 from <a href=https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/hand-drawn-facepalm-illustration_38477179.htm

    Jones, Emily Williams. “The 4 Types of Regret (A How They Affect Us.” Psychology for Mental Health. Retrieved on 8/30/2025 from https://psychologyfor.com/the-4-types-of-regret-and-how-they-affect-us/

    Mautz, Scott. “On the 4 Core Regrets, a Big Lesson Learned, and More.” “Lead on!” Issue #98: 3/29/2023. Retrieved on 8/24/2025 from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/issue-98-4-core-regrets-big-lesson-learned-more-scott-mautz/

    Pink, Daniel H. The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. Random House Large Print. ©2022

    Pink, Daniel H. “Around the World, People have the same 4 regrets.” Retrieved on 8/24/2025 from https://www.linkedin.com/posts/danielpink_around-the-world-people-have-the-same-4-regrets-activity-7237095775535538176-6Zf9/

    Pink, Daniel H. “Will We Actually See it? Daniel Pink On the Power of Regret.”                                           Retrieved on 8/25/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m45eymlraJs

    Tuhin, Muhammad. “The Neuroscience of Regret: Why it Haunts Us.” 6/23/2025. Retrieved on 8/25/2025 from https://www.sciencenewstoday.org/the-neuroscience-of-regret-why-it-haunts-us

    Wattier, Linda.” 4 Types of Regret and How to Leverage Them for a More Fulfilling Life.” Tiny Buddha. Retrieved on 8/30/2025 from https://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-types-of-regret-and-how-to-leverage-them-for-a-more-fulfilling-life/

    Wright, Josh. “What is the Power of Regret? A Conversation with Daniel Pink.” Behavioral Scientist. 12/13/2022. Retrieved on 8/24/2025 from https://behavioralscientist.org/what-is-the-power-of-regret-a-conversation-with-daniel-pink/

  • Finding a Purpose in Your Life

    Monday, July 21, 2025

    Do you struggle to find or discover your purpose in life? I have as well. Does anyone have just one purpose in life? Or does it change and evolve over time? I know many people who do have purpose: One has passion for creating personal care boxes for those with substance abuse and addiction while moving into homes. I know another who has worked tirelessly to find options for the homeless. I have met people through volunteer work tutoring adults with literacy challenges. I admire these individuals, yet I hate to admit it, I envy them as well.

    At present, I am struggling. When I was younger, I focused on creating art and writing outside of my paid job. Later as a young parent, I saw my purpose to be a nurturing parent of my two sons. As they grew older and required less immediate attention, I sought purpose as an outreach volunteer and coordinator at church.

    Jeremy Adam Smith, editor of Greater Good magazine, wrote that for decades, psychologists have studied how long-term, meaningful goals develop over the span of our lives.

    “The goals that foster a sense of purpose are ones that can potentially change the lives of other people,” said Smith, “like launching an organization, researching disease, or teaching kids to read.”

    A sense of purpose has evolved in humans, so that we can accomplish important things together.  Those things are associated with better physical and mental health, wrote Smith. Purpose is adaptive as it is evolutionary. It helps both individuals and the species to survive.

    In 2016, I founded an arts ministry at my church that lasted six years. Artful Spirit Connection arts ministry was my purpose. I poured my energy and focused on it wholeheartedly. Once that arts ministry ended a few years ago, I floundered, and I lost my anchor. I have felt that my soul and spirit break apart in little pieces. I know logically that not all things last a lifetime. Yet it was hard to say goodbye.

    As Smith points out, finding purpose or discovering our purpose from our unique gifts is only part of the truth. Our purpose also grows from our connection to others, which is why a crisis of purpose is often a symptom of isolation.

    I find this part intriguing. After Artful Spirit Connection ended, I pulled away from my church family. In my mind, I thought it was best as I was burnt out. I was also grieving, as my biggest cheerleader and supporter, our priest, became ill with cancer. Eventually, he sadly passed away. In my grief, I pulled away. Instead of feeling relief, I felt alone. My anxiety increased, as well as my depression. I isolated myself from doing so, it exacerbated my feelings of being lost. In the last year, I have done some soul searching, though purpose would be fulfilled in trying to create a business of selling my art. It did not, it failed. As much as I wanted a key focus, I was not driven emotionally. I am still seeking it. It is one of the reasons that I started this blog.

    Discovering your life purpose, according to Jeremy Sutton, Ph.D., involves exploring passions, values, and strengths to create a fulfilling and meaningful existence.

    Over time, psychologists have increasingly begun to realize the importance of meaning to our wellbeing and happiness, wrote Sutton, adding, recent research suggests that people with increased meaning are better off. They are happier and exhibit increased life satisfaction, and lowered depression.

    “Meaning in life may be defined as the extent to which a person experiences his or her life as having purpose, significance, and coherence,” wrote Sutton.

    Smith suggested that there are a few ways to help with the feeling of crisis for the purpose of life:

    • Read-find books that matter to you and inspire you.
    • Turning hurts into healing for others. Finding purpose is not just an intellectual pursuit. It is something we need to feel. Sometimes another person’s pain can lead us to our purpose.
    • Cultivate awe, gratitude, and altruism. An experience of awe helps feel connected to something larger than us. Awe alone is not enough, you need to feel driven to make a positive impact; this is where gratitude and generosity come into play, wrote Smith.
    • Listen to what other people appreciate about you. Giving thanks can help you find purpose in what people thank you for. Appreciation for what you do for others can fuel a sense of purpose.
    • Find and build community. We can find a sense of purpose in people around us. Interestingly, the nobility of our purpose reflects the company we keep, noted Smith.
    • Tell your story. As I noted earlier, reading can help you find your purpose but also writing.

    Psychologist Kendall Bronk, leading expert on purpose, wrote that research by William Damon, Robert Emmons, and others have found that children and adults who are able to count their blessings are much more likely to try to contribute to the world beyond themselves.

    According to Smith, Purpose often arises from curiosity about your own life. Creating a narrative can help us see our own strengths and apply those strengths to be effective in the world, which over time increases our sense of self-efficacy.

    Adopting a growth mindset can help lead to increased purpose in life. Look at your strengths, explore your weaknesses, accept mistakes are part of learning, and find ways to motivate yourself noted Sutton.

    Dr. Jordan Grumet wrote that, “By identifying our purpose anchors (activities that energize and inspire us), we gain insight into what purpose can look like in our lives. Sometimes this means reflecting on regrets, recalling childhood joys, or simply experimenting through trial and error—”

    Bronk noted that through working with adolescents, some teens found purpose through hardship. However, most people find purpose in a more meandering way through a combination of education, experience, and self-reflection.

    Bronk said finding purpose can get jump started.

    • Identify the things that you care about. What are you good at? What have you done that gave you a skill that can be used? What do you care about in your community?
    • Reflect on what matters most. Sometimes it is hard to single out one or two things. Value will be increased if you can narrow down your purpose in life to something manageable.
    • Recognize your strengths and talents. What is unique about your skills or strengths? What are you particularly good at? What do you enjoy?
    • Try volunteering. Try new things, see what activities enable you to use your skills.
    • Imagine your best self. What are you doing? What is important to you? What do you really care about and why? The “why” part is key.
    • Cultivate the positive like gratitude and awe.
    • Look at the people that you admire.

    Grumet notes that purpose is not passive. It demands courage to take what you care about and turn it into something active, something meaningful. He suggested that we follow activities that light us up. Connect with people with shared interests. In time, you may be able to connect, collaborate, and grow together. That is how purpose builds community.

    I will dive a little deeper into Finding Your Purpose in my next blog as well.

    “There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It is why you were born. And how you become most truly alive.”–Oprah Winfrey

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 7/20/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/business-flat-design-style-illustration_16359264.htm”>Image by rawpixel.com on Freepik</a>

    Grumet, Jordan, MD. “Purpose Isn’t a Destination, It’s A Climb.” Psychology Today. 6/30/2025. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-regret-free-life/202506/purpose-isnt-a-destination-its-a-climb/amp

    Smith, Jeremy Adam. “How to Find Purpose in Life.” Greater Good. 1/10/2018. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_find_your_purpose_in_life

    Suttie, Jill. “Seven Ways to Find Your Purpose in Life. Having a meaningful, long-term goal is good for your well-being.” Greater good. 8/6/2020. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_ways_to_find_your_purpose_in_life

    Sutton, Ph.D. Jeremy. “15 Ways to Find Your Purpose of Life & Realize Your Meaning.” Positive Psychology. 10/15/2020. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://positivepsychology.com/find-your-purpose-of-life/

  • Does Spirituality or Religion Play a Part in Your Life?

    6/28/2025

    Have You Ever Asked Yourself, “Is there something more or bigger?”

    According to Elizabeth Scott, PhD, spirituality is a worldview that suggests a dimension to life beyond what we experience on the sensory and physical levels. It might entail religious or cultural practices and beliefs surrounding a higher being, connection with others and the world, and the pursuit of self-improvement.

    I came across a blog called Lonerwolf.com as I was researching spirituality and religion’s impact on individuals. I love the description used by blogger Aletheia Luna.

    According to Luna, there is a lot of beauty and depth in both religion and spirituality. The word “spirituality” comes from the Latin word spiritualis, which means, “breath; of the spirit; air.”  Spirituality is connected to the divine through your own personal experience. It is primarily concerned with finding, experiencing, and embodying one’s true spiritual nature. 

    On the other hand, Luna stated that religion comes from the Latin word “religionem,” which means respect for what is sacred, reverence for the gods, conscientiousness, sense of right, moral obligation. Religion is connected to the divine through someone else’s experience. Primarily concerned with believing in, following, and obeying the rules created by a certain deity or spiritual teacher.

    I have been both religious and spiritual for most of my life. I was brought up in a religious home. I grew up Roman Catholic. My mother took us to church, I was baptized, had my first communion, first confession, and at fourteen years old got confirmed in my faith after a year’s worth of religious instruction. After confirmation, I attended religious instruction less regularly. In college, I attended church on Easter and Christmas. Although my college had student religion services, I never attended.

    When I met my husband in college, we shared many views although we were not brought up in the same Christian denomination. We married in the Roman Catholic church. During the first few years of marriage, we did not attend church.

    Once first child was born, my husband and I began “church shopping.”  Our oldest child was six months old when we found a small Episcopal church that fits the needs of our family. We attended church as a family when our sons were younger. As the children got older, my husband and I took turns serving in volunteer roles. As our family needs changed after our older son entered college, I eventually changed churches to be closer to home.

    As I have gotten older, I am seeking ways to express personal spirituality more than taking part in church regularly. Up until a year ago and through COVID, I served in church roles from organizing church fair to leading an arts ministry for six years. This led to personal burn-out. I stepped away for a bit, attending less frequently, and turning down volunteer roles.

    I realized that my spirituality as a younger person was so tied into my religion, I knew that I needed to step back, and I am finding new ways to express my spirituality through creative art time, listening to music, and reading. I have come to learn that although there may be overlaps, religion and spirituality are not the same.

    Spirituality is not just about religious belief, but rather about connecting with something outside of yourself that brings meaning and connection to your life. It may include breathwork, service to others, spending time in nature, wrote Scott.

    According to Psychology Today, spirituality means different things to different people. For some, it is a belief in God and active participation in organized religion. Yet for others, it is about non-religious experiences that help them contact their spiritual selves.

    Spirituality is not a single path or belief. Not everyone experiences spirituality in the same way. Spirituality is diverse than the individuals who practice it. As I have done research on various topics for this blog, I have been introduced to various forms of spirituality and expression that I would like to further explore. What interests me is that many individuals identify themselves as spiritual not religious.

    Some characteristics of spirituality are:

    • Asking deep questions about life, suffering, death, etc.
    • Deepening connections with others
    • Experiencing compassion and empathy for others
    • Experiencing feelings of interconnectedness
    • Feelings of awe and wonder
    • Seeking happiness beyond material possessions or external rewards
    • Seeking meaning and purpose
    • Wanting to make the world a better place.

    Spiritual individuals may express their spirituality in different ways that may include:

    • Breathwork, meditation or quiet time
    • New age spirituality
    • Prayer
    • Service to the local community
    • Spending time in nature
    • Attending Spiritual retreats
    • Practicing yoga
    • Practicing spirituality through religious traditions

    What is the difference between spirituality and religion?

    Spirituality:

    • Can be practiced by the individual.
    • Does not have to adhere to specific set of rules.
    • Focuses on personal journey of what is the meaning of life.

    Religion:

    • Often practiced in a community
    • Usually based on specific set of rules and customs
    • Often focused on the belief in deities or gods, religious texts, and traditions

    Research findings have found positive benefits of spirituality. Spirituality and religious practices can lower anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. It can lead to greater happiness and improved well-being, and life satisfaction. Studies have confirmed that people connected to spiritual practice or tradition tend to be more resilient. When individuals participate in spiritual and religious practices, they broaden their social network.

    Research has found that an instinct toward spirituality appears to be ingrained in humans. Even religious skeptics cannot stifle the sense that there is something greater than the physical world that we see in our daily lives.

    Andy Tix, PhD, is a psychologist of religion and spirituality. Tix has been studying religion and spirituality for the last thirty years. He recently wrote that people experience spirituality in diverse ways, both within and beyond religion. Spirituality can involve God, nature, humanity, the self, questioning, or longing.

    Psychologist of religion and spirituality Ken Pargament defines spirituality as the search for the sacred. What are the sacred asks, Tix.

    In a 2015 study conducted by Daryl Van Tongreren and his colleagues, people differ in their perceptions of what is sacred. The findings of the study led to defining five primary sources of spirituality.

    • Theistic Spirituality:  The sacred is found or some kind of higher power. Practiced in longstanding religious traditions, rituals, and communities of faith.
    • Nature spirituality:  Sacred is rooted in a deep connection of the natural world. It involves awe and reverence for the earth and its beauty.
    • Human spirituality:  Some find spirituality in a sense of humanity shared with others. It may be experienced while working on behalf of societal peace or justice.
    • Transcendent spirituality:  This is a little more difficult to describe. It involves a personal connection with something that feels beyond words, something that is vaster or mysterious.
    • Self-spirituality:  This is a more inward experience of spirituality. Self can be a source of spirituality when there is a sense of genuineness, congruence, or wholeness felt. Spirituality with the sense of simply being you, undivided and authentic. Being true to yourself.

    According to Dan Bates, PhD, multiple studies have established meaningful connections between faith practices and improved mental health outcomes. Religious and spiritual practices benefit psychological health through several pathways including helping people make meaning of life and find purpose.

    Luna expressed the difference between spirituality and religion in this way:

    “Modern spirituality puts a great emphasis on our personal connection with God/Life/Spirit. We are encouraged to find the truth within ourselves. Religion, on the other hand, puts emphasis on humbling ourselves to a Divinity that is usually seen as outside of ourselves.”

    I leave you with this quote:

    “At any moment, you have a choice, that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it.” Thich Nhat Hanh

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 6/28/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/hand-drawn-style-energy-healing-hands_9923889.htm”>Image by freepik</a>

    Bates, PhD, Dan. “The Psychological Benefits of Spirituality. How faith frameworks can help you manage life’s challenges and stress.” Psychologytoday.com 3/21/2025.Retrieved on 6/27/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-health-nerd/202503/the-psychological-benefits-of-spirituality

    Luna, Aletheia. “Spirituality vs Religion: 11 Differences (with pros and cons list).” Lonerwolf.com 4/17/2024. Retrieved on Retrieved on 6/26/2025 from https://lonerwolf.com/spirituality-vs-religion/

    Psychology Today Staff. “Spirituality.” Psychologytoday.com Retrieved on 6/27/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/spirituality

    Scott, PhD, Elizabeth. “How Spirituality Can Benefit Your Health and Well-Being: Finding balance in and connection with something bigger.” Verywellmind.com 10/20/2024. Retrieved on 6/27/2025 from

    Tix, PhD, Andy. “7 Ways People Experience Spirituality. Spirituality is not one-size fits all. You may be more spiritual than you know.” Psychologytoday.com 6/17/2025. Retrieved on 6/27/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pursuit-of-peace/202506/7-ways-people-experience-spirituality

  • You Do not Know What You Do Not Know: Missing Our Flaws

    April 29, 2025

    Over the last several weeks, I shared how several factors, such as unconscious biases, defense mechanisms, emotional repression, lack of self-awareness, and cognitive dissonance, can cause personal blind spots. Over the next few weeks, I will focus on the distinct types of blind spots. This week…relationships.

    Do you have a topic of conversation that ends up bickering at each other? Do you roll your eyes when your spouse mentions a topic that you want to discuss? Your spouse stonewalls you about finances? You get a knot in your stomach when you hear, “we need to talk.”

    It may come easily to recognize behavioral flaws in someone else, particularly a spouse. But it is extremely hard to see flaws and behaviors in ourselves. When our flaws go unrecognized by us, we can harm our relationships with our loved ones, family members, and friends. If we ignore these potential issues, it can lead to miscommunication, misinterpretation, and conflicts.

    Blind spots are like unhealthy habits, they can be difficult to see or notice because they are so ingrained in us. It is important to discover them as they can have a lasting impact on our relationships.

    “We all have our relationships blind spots. And many times, our blind spots are a result of past hurts or experiences in our life. “Wrote Dr. Morgan Cutlip, relationships therapist and founder of the website, My Love Thinks.

    Psychologist Dee Tozer shared examples of relationship blind spots:

    • Idealizing your partner — overlooking flaws or negative traits. Romanticizing expectations.
    • Unresolved trauma — reacting emotionally in ways that are influenced by past hurts but not having a conscious awareness of doing so.
    • Loss of respect — Engage in criticism or disrespectful behaviors without realizing the impact on the other person.
    • Control issues — the need to dominate or control the relationship without reciprocity.
    • Lack of emotional awareness — not recognizing or understanding your own emotions or emotions of your partner or spouse.
    • Avoiding difficult conversations — Shying away from conflict or important discussions, even when it is necessary.
    • Arrogance or stonewalling — Refusing to listen, engage in conversations or address issues with your partner.
    • Lost sexual attraction — Not trying to rekindle intimacy and closeness then not noticing the impact on your relationship.
    • Loss of time devotion — Becoming preoccupied with other aspects of life, like work, hobbies, or family at the expense of your partner and relationship.

    “Blind spots are very damaging to relationships and can destroy your peace of mind, your self-esteem,” noted Tozer. Fortunately, finding a right form of coaching or counseling can bring insight to the blind spots and can help with relationship repair.

    Writer Amy Beecham wrote that knowing our blind spots can help us commit more carefully and have healthier partnerships. Whether you are judging yourself or someone else’s, it is true that identifying blind spots in relationships can be an arduous process. 

    How do you recognize a blind spot in your relationship? In most cases, getting an outside perspective such as a relationship coach or therapist to accurately identify any blind spots helps. Once a blind spot is identified, the next step is acting.

    Sit down with your partner or spouse to have an open and honest conversation about the blind spots that have been identified. Approach the discussion in a non-judgmental way. Listen to each other’s perspectives. When either of you notices the blind spots showing up, pause and acknowledge it. If you stay conscious of the situation, you will be better able to manage your reactions.

    Writer Angela Bisignano, Ph.D., wrote there are three key questions to ask yourself that can help shed light on blind spots.

    1. What kind of persona am I becoming?
    2. How is your communication style impacting your spouse?
    3. Are you exercising clear boundaries in your marriage?

    Other suggestions include reviewing your past relationships to evaluate and understand, plus seeking out any biases and behaviors that you have that could cloud your perspective. Ask your partner what they heard.  Ask them what prompted their behavior. Be attentive to non-verbal behaviors, a look, eye roll, arms crossing, change in breathing, etc.

    Author, researcher, and psychologist John M Gottman, Ph.D. wrote that how we connect emotionally impacts the success or failure of a relationship. Gottman has written over forty books about relationships. Gottman’s work has influenced the direction of couple’s therapy.

    In a video from the Gottman Institute, Dr. Gottman said you can really build romance, passion, and lasting love. It is a choice to really cherish your partner if your partner is really the right person for you. You have actively cherished your partner’s positive qualities. Think how fortunate you are to have this person in your life. Let them know that they are really that special. If both people do that for one another, that relationship can last.

    Cutlip stated that getting past your blind spots does not always require professional help, it does require commitment to new behaviors and empowering yourself with the latest information.

    “Love is not about how many days, months, or years you have been together. It’s about how much you love each other every single day.” –Unknown author.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 4/28/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/hand-drawn-people-talking-phone-illustration_33602535.htm”>Image by freepik</a>

    Beecham, Amy. “Relationship Blind Spots: How to tell if yours has one and what to do about it.” July 2024.Retrieved on 4/11/2025 from https://www.stylist.co.uk/relationships/relationship-blind-spots/748332

    Bisignano, Ph.D., Angela. “Shedding Ligh on Blind Spots: Secrets to Improving Your Marriage.” GoodTherapy.org. 8/8/2017. Retrieved on 4/11/2025 from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/shedding-light-on-blind-spots-secrets-to-improving-your-marriage

    California Learning Resource Network (CLRN) “What is a blind spot in psychology?” 11/18/2024. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from What is a blind spot in psychology? –

    Cutlip, Ph.D. Morgan. “Are you Sabotaging Your Relationships?” Retrieved on 4/11/2025 from https://www.mylovethinks.com/are-you-sabotaging-your-relationships-blind-spot-2/

    Gottman, Ph.D. John and Joan DeClaire. The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships. Harmony. ©2002.

    Gottman, Ph.D. John. “Most Important Take Away/What Makes Love Last.” The Gottman Institute. 8/27/2012. Retrieved on 4/11/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgWnadSi91s

    Seltzer, Ph.D. Leon F. “Relationships: 10 Ways Someone Can Land in a Partner’s Blind Spot.” 7/3/2023. Retrieved on 4/11/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-of-the-self/202305/might-your-partner-be-in-your-blind-spot-10-possibilities

    Tozer, Dee. “Relationships Blind Spots: What You Cannot See That’s Ruining Your Marriage.” 4/21/2022. Retrieved on 4/11/2025 from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/relationship-blindspots-what-you-cannot-see-thats-ruining-dee-tozer/