9/10/2025 Wednesday
If you think back on your life, what regret hits hardest? I believe most of us have felt that sting of regret. It is universal, yet very personal.
Muhammad Tuhin wrote that in the quiet hours of the night, a familiar shadow often creeps in, not a ghost in the room, but a ghost of the mind. It is a moment replayed, a path not taken. It is deep ache that we define as regret.
I think Tuhin hit the mark. I, too, have a few regrets. How would my mental health be different if I took time for myself? Could I have avoided depression cycles or had a better handle on anxiety? By focusing on my family and ignoring my needs, this neglect affected my mental, spiritual, and physical health. I chose to emotionally eat to try to hide from my feelings and negative emotions, not face the stresses or worries head-on.
According to Daniel H. Pink, author of The Power of Regret, regret falls into four core areas: foundational, boldness, moral, and connectional. This post will focus on foundational regrets.
Additionally, Pink noted that many of our educational, finance, and health regrets are expressions of the same core regret: our failure to be responsible, conscientious, or prudent. Examples of foundational regrets include overspending and under saving, spending time partying in college, instead of focusing on studying or eating fast food and junk food, which often cause unhealthy weight gain.
One of the most difficult things about regret is that it sits at the intersection of acceptance and yearning. The brain wants to learn and move forward, but it also wants to revisit, and rewrite wrote Tuhin.
Regret is that stomach-churning feeling that the present would be better and the future brighter if only you hadn’t chosen so poorly, decided so wrongly, or acted so stupidly in the past wrote Pink.
Foundation regrets can be summarized as if only I had done the work written by Linda Wattier.
Wattier wrote that she spent a lot of time, in her forties, that she wallowed in these regrets, revisiting past mistakes and ramping up self-criticism which led to heartbreak and grief.
Regrets can happen. It is what we do with those regrets that can make a difference.
“Regret is not dangerous or abnormal,” wrote Pink, “a deviation from the steady path to happiness. It is healthy and universal, an integral part of being human. Regret is also valuable. It clarifies. It instructs me. Done right, it needn’t drag us down; it can lift us up.”
Thinking about it this way, we have a need for stability. It is important to build a basic infrastructure for educational, financial, and physical well-being, for us to have fulfilling lives wrote Wattier. Yet, when we fail to do this, we can be left with regret.
When faced with regret, work to make a change, try to fix the situation. However, sometimes that is not always possible. “All is not lost, wrote Psychologist Emily Williams Jones.
Over time, chronic regret can change brain chemistry. It may lower serotonin levels, heighten depression. Tuhin adds, it may even alter the connectivity between emotional and rational regions of the brain that makes it harder to regulate negative feelings.
Pink has a three-prong approach to facing regret:
- Look inward: This involves reframing the regret(s) that we have. Practice self-compassion. Teach and treat ourselves with kindness and understanding that can lead to healing and growth.
- Look outward: Share your regrets with others. Talking or writing about our regrets can help us make sense of them.
- Move forward: Extract lessons from our regrets. This is essential to create distance and gain perspective on those regrets. Optimize regret rather than minimize it. Create a failure resume to reflect and learn from past mishaps.
We can use discomfort to solve a situation, to not make mistakes, or not miss an opportunity in the future noted Jones.
Regret is a chapter, not a whole book, wrote Tuhin.
Next week, I will focus on the boldness regrets, the “if only.”
Resources:
Image retrieved on 9/7/2025 from <a href=https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/hand-drawn-facepalm-illustration_38477179.htm
Jones, Emily Williams. “The 4 Types of Regret (A How They Affect Us.” Psychology for Mental Health. Retrieved on 8/30/2025 from https://psychologyfor.com/the-4-types-of-regret-and-how-they-affect-us/
Mautz, Scott. “On the 4 Core Regrets, a Big Lesson Learned, and More.” “Lead on!” Issue #98: 3/29/2023. Retrieved on 8/24/2025 from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/issue-98-4-core-regrets-big-lesson-learned-more-scott-mautz/
Pink, Daniel H. The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. Random House Large Print. ©2022
Pink, Daniel H. “Around the World, People have the same 4 regrets.” Retrieved on 8/24/2025 from https://www.linkedin.com/posts/danielpink_around-the-world-people-have-the-same-4-regrets-activity-7237095775535538176-6Zf9/
Pink, Daniel H. “Will We Actually See it? Daniel Pink On the Power of Regret.” Retrieved on 8/25/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m45eymlraJs
Tuhin, Muhammad. “The Neuroscience of Regret: Why it Haunts Us.” 6/23/2025. Retrieved on 8/25/2025 from https://www.sciencenewstoday.org/the-neuroscience-of-regret-why-it-haunts-us
Wattier, Linda.” 4 Types of Regret and How to Leverage Them for a More Fulfilling Life.” Tiny Buddha. Retrieved on 8/30/2025 from https://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-types-of-regret-and-how-to-leverage-them-for-a-more-fulfilling-life/
Wright, Josh. “What is the Power of Regret? A Conversation with Daniel Pink.” Behavioral Scientist. 12/13/2022. Retrieved on 8/24/2025 from https://behavioralscientist.org/what-is-the-power-of-regret-a-conversation-with-daniel-pink/
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