Curious and Creative

Tag: life

  • There is Power in Walking Away

    8/17/2025

    What is the meaning of quitting? The dictionary defines quitting to stop doing something; to give up or resign one’s job or position.

    “Persistence is not always the best decision, certainly not absent context. And context changes,” wrote Annie Duke, author of Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away.

    I found this proverb:   “No matter how far you have gone down the wrong path, turn back.”

    That proverb makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? It is ultimately our decision making now that affects our tomorrows. Why persist if you know that you are going in the wrong direction? Quit, stop, turn back. You have the power to walk away.

    According to Mckenna Princing, people love to tout phrases meant to be encouraging, like “You only fail if you quit, blah blah blah, but the truth is that sometimes quitting is the healthiest option in a not-great situation — or because a better opportunity has come your way.”

    As I noted in my blog last week on quitting, our society prides itself on persistence, perseverance, and grit. What if the situation, project, job, or business is not the best? If persisting could be worse, not better.

    A few months ago, I tried again to find a new way to use my creativity and create a personal ministry. I brainstormed ideas and came up with, “bloom with kindness.” I would make faux floral arrangements to deliver and give to senior centers, assisted living, and nursing homes. At first, I had lots of enthusiasm and energy. I delivered a dozen or more arrangements to about six local senior facilities in early July. Now, the supplies sit on my shelf and table gathering dust. I feel emotionally drained that I do not have the energy to create. I am mentally and emotionally stuck. No doubt about it. Quitting has entered my mind on more than one occasion.

    Throughout my life, I have identified myself as an artist, whether it is drawing, painting, or most recently, floral arranging. When I am not being creative in some way, I feel that I am lost. I had not realized how much of my identity is tied to being creative in some way or another.   Wait, you might say, isn’t writing this blog creative?  Yes, you are right. However, I use my creativity and brain in a different way than drawing, or painting, or even floral arranging. Perhaps, I have defined creativity in a limited manner.

    “Quitters never quit, and quitters never win.” Many in our society have internalized this message, wrote Duke. It is deeply rooted in our culture. So much so that we often stick to the wrong course of action for too long.

    There are positive reasons for quitting, wrote Princing, added that your interests shifted, you got a better offer, you’re moving or are switching careers or simply want a change of pace. However, feeling of wanting to quit can be an indicator as well.

    Signs that you are distressed or under duress:

    • You regularly feel burnt out. 
    • You’re constantly thinking about it when you’re supposed to be doing other things or resting. 
    • You often avoid it or have a lot of fear around it. 
    • You have a narcissistic or unsupportive leader.  
    • Your health and mental health is suffering.
    • You are being bullied or otherwise disrespected.
    • You are being harassed or discriminated against. 

    Knowing when to quit is an important skill to develop, notes Duke. Duke is a former professional poker player. She won over four million dollars in a professional poker tournament before walking away in 2012. Since that time, she has co-founded the Alliance for Decision Education, which is a nonprofit organization that teaches decision-making skills to students and empowers them.

    According to Duke, it can be exceedingly difficult to walk away and quit. Duke notes a term called “loss aversion.”  It means people tend to look at the money and time that they have invested so far, fear they will lose it if they walk away.

    When choosing among new options, loss aversion causes us to favor the ones that have the lowest absolute loss associated with them, even if those options come at a lower expected value wrote Duke.

    Have you heard of Richard Thaler? In 1980, Thaler was the first to point out to the “sunk cost effect” as a phenomenon, which is a cognitive error that people take into account money, time, effort or other resources they have previously sunk into an endeavor when making decisions about whether to continue and spend more.

    There have been forty years of experiments and field work across many domains that show people behave as Thaler had theorized on “sunk costs”. People do take account of whether to move forward, noted Duke, they do consider what they’ve already spent. They  do this because they “irrationally think” that the only way to recover or justify the costs is if they continue. This thinking and decision-making costs people to stick with something that they should quit.

    Duke states that when “stakes are high” it is hard to walk away from a business, project, investment, or even a relationship. According to Duke, when we are in the losses, we are not only more likely to stick to a losing course of action but also double down. This tendency is called escalation of commitment.

    Escalation of commitment is not just limited to individuals. It is robust and universal in organizations and government entities as continued Duke.

    According to Duke, a rational decision maker would consider only the future costs and benefits in deciding whether to continue with a particular course of action. In other words, if there would be a positive future outcome, the “rational” person would persist and persevere. But if a negative outcome affects value, they will quit.

    Dr. Julia Keller notes that in the wild, perseverance has no special status. “Animals do what they do, because it furthers their agenda: to last long enough to reproduce, ensuring continuation of their genetic material,” adding that the best way to survive as a species is to give up on whatever’s not contributing to survival, to waste as few resources as possible on the ineffective.

    If quitting is the best option to move forward, asks Keller, why don’t we always do it?

    “Quitting is a skill, a survival technique,” wrote Keller. “It’s not, as we humans sometimes treat it, a moral failing. And resisting the impulse to quit isn’t necessarily bravery or noble. It’s nonsensical.” 

    You may be at a point where you must do a soul search to determine the best course of action. If you decide to quit, make the experience meaningful. Although things may not turn out as you had planned, look at what valuable learning opportunities you had, use that to improve your next experience, business, project or job.

    If what you do or have done is part of your personal identity, it will be difficult to quit and walk away. Ask yourself, does what you are doing still serve you or its original purpose? Is it helping you meet goals or holding you back from other opportunities? Perhaps it is time to accept your power to walk away.

    Quitting is not a personal failure or a moral failing, despite what may be held by society or culture. I think it takes guts to walk away. It takes gumption to move past what you have known, it may have worked for you at one point, but now it no longer does. Be brave.

    “There’s a point at which perseverance becomes denial,” said Benjamin Wood.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 8/16/2025 from https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/flat-illustration-person-being-overwhelmed_24014057.htm#fromView

    Duke, Annie. Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away. Portfolio/Penguin. ©2022

    Keller, PhD, Julia. Quitting: A Life Strategy. Balance Books. ©2023.

    Princing, McKenna. “Quitting Isn’t Always Bad. Here’s the Best Way to Do It:.” 12/18/2023. Retrieved on  8/6/2023 from https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/life/work/how-to-quit-gracefully

  • Quitting: The good that can come out of it

    8/9/2025

    Have you ever considered quitting?

    Over the years, I have quit jobs, hobbies, unsuccessful business ventures, and dead-end relationships. It was scary but free at the same moment. Idea of quitting has such a bad connotation, that the idea of doing it can be heart wrenching.

    Our society often touts perseverance and grit over quitting. There have been many meta studies touting perseverance and particularly grit. Yet, there is a large body of work showing that perseverance may have a harmful downside according to Harvard Business Review. Adding, one study found that not giving up can mean people persist even when they have nothing to gain.

     So, while it might be valuable to persist with worthwhile and rewarding tasks, people who do continue with worthless tasks that are both uninteresting and unrewarding, are wasting their time and talents according to Harvard Business Review (HBR).

    Some people may see quitting as an ending, but it is also a new beginning. Acknowledge the feeling of wanting to quit is normal.

    Author Jon Acuff wrote in his book, “Quitter,” that after a while he got good at quitting jobs: jobs that were 40 hour a week with a 401K and benefits. Acuff wrote about quitting his job to create a dream career. There are many examples that are shared in his book.

    Did you know that the average median number of years is 3.9 years that wage, and salary workers had been with their current employer as of January 2024? This down from 4.1 years in January 2022 and that is the lowest since 2002 according to U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.

    Quitting is not just about quitting a job. Quitting can be a new beginning, a restart, a do-over.

    McKenna Princing wrote that there are a few things to consider when deciding to quit:

    • Quitting can be an effective way to get out of a tough situation or seek a new, exciting one. 
    • Feeling burnt out or not respected could be signs it is time to quit. 
    • Figure out if changing your current situation would help or if seeking a new situation is best. 
    • Resist the urge to quit or leave in anger.

    According to Princing, the truth is that sometimes quitting is the healthiest option in a not-great situation — or because something even better has arrived on your doorstep.

    Annie Duke is the author of Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away. Quitting is often misunderstood as failure. However, quitting can be strategic and a necessary decision means cutting your losses. It is important to distinguish that learning to effectively quit can free us from bad investments, unhealthy relationships, open us to new opportunities, and improve our decision-making.

    Quitting can be a good thing:

    • Minimize losses: Cut your losses, redirect your time, energy, and resources.
    • Opportunity cost: Continuing with something that is not good, can prevent you from pursuing better options.
    • Cognitive and emotional freedom: Quitting can remove the emotional and mental burden of sticking with something that is not working.

    According to Duke, quitting is not just about the big, macro changes; it can be about small things that you have been holding onto and need to let go.

    It could be quitting treating yourself badly, i.e., “oh, I am not good at this,” “why do I bother?” or “Doesn’t matter, it turns out the same no matter what.” Quitting could be about stopping being negative, quit thinking you are not worth the time. Sometimes we must quit something to make room for a good change in our lives. Knowing when to quit or give up can be liberating. Yet, it can be quite scary.

    Author Julia Keller notes in her book, Quitting: A Life Strategy that grit is not always great. Sticking it out does not always pay off and quitting can be an unexpected act of self-love.

    Have you ever thought about quitting something? Did you do it? How did it feel?

    “The idea that winners never quit is both overly simplistic and false. Most successful people have ‘quit’ several times.” – Paul Jarvis, Company of One

    Resources:

    Image. Retrieved on 8/9/2025 from https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/hand-drawn-flat-design-overwhelmed-people-illustration_24683085.htm

    Acuff, Jon. Quitter: Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job & Your Dream Job. Ramsey Press ©2015

    Bureau of Labor Statistics. U.S. Department of Labor. “Employee Tenure in 2024.” Retrieved on 8/5/2025 from https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/tenure.pdf#:~:text=The%20median%20number%20of%20years%20that%20wage%20and,the%20U.S.%20Bureau%20of%20Labor%20Statistics%20reported%20today.

    Duke, Annie. Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away. Penguin Publishing Group. ©2022

    “The Feeling of wanting to quit is normal, it might mean something, it might not.” Retrieved on 8/2/2025 from https://anotherdoor.squarespace.com/another-door-blog/2025/3/24/the-feeling-of-wanting-to-quit-is-normal-it-might-mean-something-it-might-not

    Keller, Julia. Quitting: A Life Strategy: The Myth of Perseverance―and How the New Science of Giving Up Can Set You Free. © April 2023. Book review Retrieved on 8/2/2025 from https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61918826-quitting

    Princing, McKenna. “Quitting Is not Always Bad. Here is the Best Way to Do It.” 12/18/2023. Retrieved on 8/2/2025 from https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/life/work/how-to-quit-gracefully

    Spicer, Andre. “When to Stick with Something-and When to quit.” 10/1/2018. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved on 8/2/2025 from https://hbr.org/2018/09/when-to-stick-with-something-and-when-to-quit

  • Unbecoming Everything That You Are Not (Finding Your Purpose, Part 3)

    August 3, 2025

    Have you taken on tasks, style, characteristics, perspectives, or personal narratives, to fit in with others’ ideas about you and society, but it really isn’t you?

    In the last two blog posts, I shared information about ways and options to find your purpose in life. But what if what we have become is not truly us? What if we have become were to fit in with a group of people? Who we are now is blocking us from finding our true purpose?

    “Maybe the journey isn’t about becoming anything,” wrote Paulo Coelho, Brazilian novelist and lyricist. “Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

    I have struggled at times to become someone else, in order to fit in. I felt like an outsider at times in school. I felt a little bit like that in college until I joined a sorority where I could be me and warmly accepted. I then felt I belonged. I even have felt that way as an adult, wanting to make friends. I realized, I was showing less of who I really was to fit in. It was uncomfortable and at times agonizing.

    A big part of finding our purpose is to understand who we really are and align it with our values. I realized along this bumpy road, that being authentic was more important than my desire to fit in. Even at the age of 58, I am still unbecoming everything that I am not.

    Today, I came across a YouTube video short by young person named Shawn Khoe. He shared that too many teenagers and college students feel pressure to be someone that they are not. They may start dressing a certain way or acting in a different way to fit in.  He was concerned that these individuals did not have self esteem, worth, or love for themselves.

    “You shouldn’t force yourself to become someone you’re not just to fit in with others,” stated Shawn Khoe.

    I do not think the idea of fitting in or pressure to fit in subsides as an adult.  It is just a bigger and different playing field. Think of your idea of success compared to society’s or a peer group’s view of success: where you need to be on the career ladder, perhaps the material items you own, etc. After that, you maybe chasing something that does not make you fulfilled. Perhaps that is why you are seeking your purpose in life.

    “Life is not about you, life is about the life you touch,” wrote Neale Donald Walsch.

    I have learned a few things about cutting things out. As a photographer, I have spent time cropping out things in a photo to focus on the subject. I have also learned a few things in gardening.  Pruning is key to keep the plant or flower alive, well, and blooming. I have been focusing on subtracting things in my life. As a speaker, I use pauses to create anticipation.  As a writer, words that are not in the final piece are just as important as the words that remain. It is called editing.

    Author Jim Collins once said, “A great piece of art is composed not just of what is in the final piece, but equally important, what is not. It is the discipline to discard what does not fit — to cut out what might have already cost days or even years of effort — that distinguishes the truly exceptional artist and marks the ideal piece of work, be it a symphony, a novel, a painting, a company or, most important of all, a life.”

    From the teaching of Lao Tzu, “to attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, subtract things everyday.“  It is not doing things is just as important as doing things.  I think this applies to our personal selves. Shed is what is not important on your journey i.e. habits, narratives, perspectives of who you are. Be more proactive in choosing what you take with you and what you do not take with you.

    Matthew E. May, author of The Laws of Subtraction: 6 Simple Rules for Winning in the Age of Excess Everything, suggests that you create a “not to do list” to accompany your “to do list.” Give careful thought to prioritizing your goals, projects, and tasks, then eliminate the bottom twenty percent of your list-forever. Secondly, ask family, friends, and associates who matter to you most-what would they like you to stop doing. You maybe surprised just how long that list is.

    In the pursuit of less is powerful, when you remove just the right things in just the right way, something good happens, wrote May.

    I think as I grow older, I have learned the importance of decluttering, editing, cropping, and curating what I have, what I want to be, and to become a more authentic me. This will indeed help me as I seek my purpose and strive to fulfill it.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 8/1/2025 from https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/hand-drawn-world-mental-health-day-with-woman_9666661.htm

    Ako, Cindy. “The Art of Unbecoming Anything That You Are Not You.” Video. 3/5/2021. Retrieved on 8/1/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rakh8iK5kUw

    Khoe, Shawn. “You Shouldn’t Force Yourself to Become Someone You’re Not Just to Fit In with Others.” Video. 3/2/2025. Retrieved on 8/1/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl6IVZhvqVs

    May, Mathew E. “The Art of Adding by Taking Away.” New York Times. 1/19/2013. Retrieved on 8/1/2025 from https://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/20/jobs/matthew-may-on-the-art-of-adding-by-taking-away.html

  • It’s Time to Explore Your Purpose

    August 1, 2025

    I realized after writing my blog on Finding Your Purpose, that topic was too broad for one post. I continued my research; I came across other information that could help you find your purpose.

    The New York Times did a study that showed only twenty-five percent of people know their life’s purpose. People are wandering through life unsure why they are here on this earth.

    What is the purpose? A blog on calm.com described purpose as an invisible compass that guides us through life, leading us to fulfillment and meaning. A strong sense of purpose can motivate us to reach our potential. It is an individual journey. Purpose is not a fixed entity, but evolves and changes as we grow, learn, and experience life.

    I was watching a video by Jay Shetty the other day about finding your purpose. Many of us feel pressure to find our purpose in our twenties, but many successful people find their stride later.

    There is not one clear way to find purpose, stated Jay Shetty, however, there are four parts:

    1. Pain –  Many found their true purpose through pain. These people experienced such pain in early life, that they so want to help others to get through it. Perhaps you wish no one else must go through that.
    2. Potential  –  Skills, mindsets, abilities that we have but not yet aware of it. Process of sampling. Try a new skill each week. All the game of odds. Allow yourself to fail, make mistakes.
    3. Problem on the planet  –   A Challenge that pulls you to solve. Outside problem or pain.
    4. Platform  –  In order to have an impact, any experience can be used as a platform to serve others.

    “Your unique niche is in discovering the purpose of your life, developing yourself for that purpose and then deploying yourself in that purpose,” noted Myron Golden.

    According to Calm.com’s blog, our quest for purpose is deeply embedded in our psychological and emotional fabric. A life lived with purpose is one that’s enriched with happiness, motivation, and mental wellbeing. It helps us find meaning in everyday life, bringing fulfillment and contentment.

    Where does one start? In a TEDx talk in 2023, Tyler Cerny shares three powerful questions to ask yourself.

    1. Whom am I called to serve? This question helps you switch from you to who. Think about who you can help and serve. When called to serve, think about someone that you can relate to and possible share a similar experience.
    2. What problem am I called to solve? Start with someone that you like to work with. What problems do they have? What problems did you have in your life that you solved?
    3. How am I called to solve this problem?

    Cerny noted in his TEDx talk to start with the “who” and the validate with why. Write a purpose statement. Then ask yourself why are you doing this? Do you enjoy doing it? Do you have peace when you are doing it?

    Finding your purpose is challenging as it is not just about who you are but what you want to become. Finding our purpose is different for each person.

    According to the Paramporul Foundation, one of the first steps in finding your purpose is finding on what you value deeply. Identify your core beliefs and passions, these will serve as the foundation for a meaningful life. Identify your unique talents and strengths. What naturally comes to you. Consider and connect to causes that resonate with you. Find ways to engage in these causes.

    Embrace new experiences. It can be scary to do so, but it will be good for you. Practice gratitude. Set time aside each day to reflect on the positive moments or experiences. Not only is gratitude good for the soul, it will help you identify what is truly important to you. In my next blog post, I will share the importance of shedding parts of self that no longer help us but might even hold us back. I found this to be key for me as I find my purpose.

    “Remember, our passion is for you. Your Purpose is for others. When you use your passion in service of others it becomes your purpose,” stated Jay Shetty

    Resources:

    Image. Retrieved on 7/30/2025 from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/hiker-looking-compass_4150014.htm

    Calm.com “How to Find Purpose and Discover Your Path in Life.” Blog.calm.com Retrieved on 7/28/2025 from https://blog.calm.com/blog/how-to-find-purpose

    Cerny, Tyler. “Finding Your Life’s Purpose Instantly with 3 Powerful Questions.” TEDxJCU

    Video. 5/23/2023. Retrieved on 7/25/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzo2wMWa9GQ&t=5s

    Paramporul Foundation. “10 Ways to Find Your Purpose in Life.” 10/29/2024 Retrieved on 7/30/2025 from https://www.paramporulfoundation.com/how-to-find-your-purpose-in-life/.

    Shetty, Jay. (video) “Finding Your Life’s Purpose by Doing this one Thing.” Retrieved on 7/24/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNAZZVVLzAA&t=2s

    Retrieved on 7/24/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/shorts/b_VePQpQEbU

  • Finding a Purpose in Your Life

    Monday, July 21, 2025

    Do you struggle to find or discover your purpose in life? I have as well. Does anyone have just one purpose in life? Or does it change and evolve over time? I know many people who do have purpose: One has passion for creating personal care boxes for those with substance abuse and addiction while moving into homes. I know another who has worked tirelessly to find options for the homeless. I have met people through volunteer work tutoring adults with literacy challenges. I admire these individuals, yet I hate to admit it, I envy them as well.

    At present, I am struggling. When I was younger, I focused on creating art and writing outside of my paid job. Later as a young parent, I saw my purpose to be a nurturing parent of my two sons. As they grew older and required less immediate attention, I sought purpose as an outreach volunteer and coordinator at church.

    Jeremy Adam Smith, editor of Greater Good magazine, wrote that for decades, psychologists have studied how long-term, meaningful goals develop over the span of our lives.

    “The goals that foster a sense of purpose are ones that can potentially change the lives of other people,” said Smith, “like launching an organization, researching disease, or teaching kids to read.”

    A sense of purpose has evolved in humans, so that we can accomplish important things together.  Those things are associated with better physical and mental health, wrote Smith. Purpose is adaptive as it is evolutionary. It helps both individuals and the species to survive.

    In 2016, I founded an arts ministry at my church that lasted six years. Artful Spirit Connection arts ministry was my purpose. I poured my energy and focused on it wholeheartedly. Once that arts ministry ended a few years ago, I floundered, and I lost my anchor. I have felt that my soul and spirit break apart in little pieces. I know logically that not all things last a lifetime. Yet it was hard to say goodbye.

    As Smith points out, finding purpose or discovering our purpose from our unique gifts is only part of the truth. Our purpose also grows from our connection to others, which is why a crisis of purpose is often a symptom of isolation.

    I find this part intriguing. After Artful Spirit Connection ended, I pulled away from my church family. In my mind, I thought it was best as I was burnt out. I was also grieving, as my biggest cheerleader and supporter, our priest, became ill with cancer. Eventually, he sadly passed away. In my grief, I pulled away. Instead of feeling relief, I felt alone. My anxiety increased, as well as my depression. I isolated myself from doing so, it exacerbated my feelings of being lost. In the last year, I have done some soul searching, though purpose would be fulfilled in trying to create a business of selling my art. It did not, it failed. As much as I wanted a key focus, I was not driven emotionally. I am still seeking it. It is one of the reasons that I started this blog.

    Discovering your life purpose, according to Jeremy Sutton, Ph.D., involves exploring passions, values, and strengths to create a fulfilling and meaningful existence.

    Over time, psychologists have increasingly begun to realize the importance of meaning to our wellbeing and happiness, wrote Sutton, adding, recent research suggests that people with increased meaning are better off. They are happier and exhibit increased life satisfaction, and lowered depression.

    “Meaning in life may be defined as the extent to which a person experiences his or her life as having purpose, significance, and coherence,” wrote Sutton.

    Smith suggested that there are a few ways to help with the feeling of crisis for the purpose of life:

    • Read-find books that matter to you and inspire you.
    • Turning hurts into healing for others. Finding purpose is not just an intellectual pursuit. It is something we need to feel. Sometimes another person’s pain can lead us to our purpose.
    • Cultivate awe, gratitude, and altruism. An experience of awe helps feel connected to something larger than us. Awe alone is not enough, you need to feel driven to make a positive impact; this is where gratitude and generosity come into play, wrote Smith.
    • Listen to what other people appreciate about you. Giving thanks can help you find purpose in what people thank you for. Appreciation for what you do for others can fuel a sense of purpose.
    • Find and build community. We can find a sense of purpose in people around us. Interestingly, the nobility of our purpose reflects the company we keep, noted Smith.
    • Tell your story. As I noted earlier, reading can help you find your purpose but also writing.

    Psychologist Kendall Bronk, leading expert on purpose, wrote that research by William Damon, Robert Emmons, and others have found that children and adults who are able to count their blessings are much more likely to try to contribute to the world beyond themselves.

    According to Smith, Purpose often arises from curiosity about your own life. Creating a narrative can help us see our own strengths and apply those strengths to be effective in the world, which over time increases our sense of self-efficacy.

    Adopting a growth mindset can help lead to increased purpose in life. Look at your strengths, explore your weaknesses, accept mistakes are part of learning, and find ways to motivate yourself noted Sutton.

    Dr. Jordan Grumet wrote that, “By identifying our purpose anchors (activities that energize and inspire us), we gain insight into what purpose can look like in our lives. Sometimes this means reflecting on regrets, recalling childhood joys, or simply experimenting through trial and error—”

    Bronk noted that through working with adolescents, some teens found purpose through hardship. However, most people find purpose in a more meandering way through a combination of education, experience, and self-reflection.

    Bronk said finding purpose can get jump started.

    • Identify the things that you care about. What are you good at? What have you done that gave you a skill that can be used? What do you care about in your community?
    • Reflect on what matters most. Sometimes it is hard to single out one or two things. Value will be increased if you can narrow down your purpose in life to something manageable.
    • Recognize your strengths and talents. What is unique about your skills or strengths? What are you particularly good at? What do you enjoy?
    • Try volunteering. Try new things, see what activities enable you to use your skills.
    • Imagine your best self. What are you doing? What is important to you? What do you really care about and why? The “why” part is key.
    • Cultivate the positive like gratitude and awe.
    • Look at the people that you admire.

    Grumet notes that purpose is not passive. It demands courage to take what you care about and turn it into something active, something meaningful. He suggested that we follow activities that light us up. Connect with people with shared interests. In time, you may be able to connect, collaborate, and grow together. That is how purpose builds community.

    I will dive a little deeper into Finding Your Purpose in my next blog as well.

    “There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It is why you were born. And how you become most truly alive.”–Oprah Winfrey

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 7/20/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/business-flat-design-style-illustration_16359264.htm”>Image by rawpixel.com on Freepik</a>

    Grumet, Jordan, MD. “Purpose Isn’t a Destination, It’s A Climb.” Psychology Today. 6/30/2025. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-regret-free-life/202506/purpose-isnt-a-destination-its-a-climb/amp

    Smith, Jeremy Adam. “How to Find Purpose in Life.” Greater Good. 1/10/2018. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_find_your_purpose_in_life

    Suttie, Jill. “Seven Ways to Find Your Purpose in Life. Having a meaningful, long-term goal is good for your well-being.” Greater good. 8/6/2020. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_ways_to_find_your_purpose_in_life

    Sutton, Ph.D. Jeremy. “15 Ways to Find Your Purpose of Life & Realize Your Meaning.” Positive Psychology. 10/15/2020. Retrieved on 7/17/2025 from https://positivepsychology.com/find-your-purpose-of-life/

  • Embrace You as a Work in Progress

    June 14, 2025

    Do you accept yourself? It is not an easy thing to do. For some of us, it is damn difficult.

    What is self-acceptance? Self-acceptance is the act of acknowledging and embracing both your strengths and weaknesses without judgment, leading to a more positive and fulfilling self-image. It involves recognizing your imperfections and making peace with them, as well as celebrating your unique qualities and accomplishments. 

    Building self-acceptance is a skill, stated Stephanie Lemek. Added, if you cannot practice self-acceptance, you are limiting your ability to be self-aware and grow into the best version of yourself.

    I have learned quite a bit about myself since starting this blog. Through my research , I have gained an education. I am now practicing ways to increase my self-esteem, increase my self-awareness, and build my self-worth. Thanks to taking on this blog nearly six months ago, I have become more confident and revived a love of writing, something that I had ignored. I had to remind myself that writing is one of my strengths.

    However, I admit that full self-acceptance has been a bit more elusive. As I worked to improve in several areas, good nutrition and exercise have not been a priority of mine, and I feel it in my body. I have been in better shape in the past. I have taken better care of my body. My body has changed due to the physical changes brought on by perimenopause and now menopause. My mind and perspective have changed, yet accepting all of me, my body as it is now, is a very big hurdle.

    “Embracing your life means being true to yourself, not living by someone else’s rules or expectations,” wrote author and journalist John-Manuel Andriote. He added, embracing your life means being willing to stand out, to take risks, and to receive disapproval or rejection of your choices.

    The author and podcaster Jay Shetty once said, “The reason we struggle to accept ourselves is because we think that means I must think ‘it’s my fault.’ When it becomes my fault now, I become depressed by that idea. It’s disempowering. It brings me down. Whereas, when you say, ‘Well it’s not my fault, but it is my responsibility.’ That’s empowering. It gives you a sense of choice, and direction, and design.”

    Last week, I wrote about self-talk and the importance of what language that we use to describe ourselves. I admit, I have asked myself, “why did you let yourself go like this?”  My answers would be harsh and mean. I am accepting me as I am now. Instead, I ask in what way am I strong and attractive. Focusing on the positive does not mean ignoring the not so pleasant physical features, yet it is empowering to move forward toward better care of my body. Body shaming is not the answer, as it is disempowering and discouraging.  It’s best to handle one step at a time.

    Stephanie Lemek stated, “this doesn’t mean you won’t change; we all change, of course, and our self-acceptance will flex with those changes. It may be helpful to think of self-acceptance as acceptance of yourself now, as you are an acceptance of who you can become.”

    Author and podcaster Jordan Lee Dooley wrote in her book Own Your Everyday, it is important to focus on who you are and not what you do. She believes that we need to know who we are before we can figure out what as individuals we are meant to do.

    Here are a few ways to start:

    Know yourself.

    • Understand your values, beliefs and personality.
    • Identify what you like and love about yourself.
    • Stop the comparison game. No good really comes from comparing yourself to others, particularly what you see on social media.

    Be True to yourself. Live True to Yourself.

    • How do you want to live your life?
    • Don’t conform or try to fit a mold that does not suit you.
    • Express yourself freely. Speak your mind, act authentically, let yourself shine.
    • Embrace your differences. What is unique about you?

    Love and accept yourself.

    • Take charge of your life. Make choices that align with your values.
    • Show up for yourself. Keep promises to yourself. Be responsible for your own happiness and well-being.
    • Embrace your journey. There will be smooth waters, rough currents, storms, and sunshine.

    According to Bessel van der Kolk, MD., author of The Body Keeps the Score., “Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.”

    Self-awareness is a tool for personal growth and development, wrote van der Kolk.

    “There is freedom in being yourself,” noted Blogger Nike Trimble.

    I used to think that accepting who “I am” meant settling or being stuck in the present. I perceived that meant leaving no room to grow or improve. “I am what I am; I am not changing.”  I was wrong. I have experienced the opposite. Accepting who I am now, I am aware of my strengths, weaknesses, passions, areas for improvement, and areas to experiment. It is a starting point, not an ending one. I am a work in progress.

    Lemek pointed out in her article that there is a misconception of self-acceptance, that once you accept yourself, you don’t have anything to work on or grow. She wrote that it is not true. Self-acceptance is not about achieving perfection. Rather, self-acceptance gives us the power to better understand where we are and work to improve without judgment for not being perfect.

    Brene Brown said, “how much we know ourselves is extremely important but how we treat ourselves is the most important.”

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 6/14/2025 from https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/young-woman-standing-front-mirror-motivate-confident-you-can-it-vector-illustration_10108732.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=8&uuid=0fa582d6-61bf-44b0-aa87-4a244840ba0b&query=self+acceptance

    Andriote, John-Manuel. “What It Means to Embrace Life and the Path You Choose.” 1/22/2022. Retrieved on 6/11/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stonewall-strong/202201/what-it-means-to-embrace-your-life-and-the-path-you-chose

    Bernock, Danielle. “Why It’s Hard to Embrace Who You Are and What to Do.” Retrieved on 6/11/2025 from https://www.daniellebernock.com/why-its-hard-to-embrace-who-you-are-and-what-to-do/

    Brach, Tara. Radical Self-Acceptance.

    Dooley, Jordan Lee. Own Your Every Day: Overcome the Pressure to Prove and Show Up for What You Were Made to Do. Waterbook, an imprint of Crown Publishing. New York, New York. ©2019.

    Lemek Stephanie. “Self-Acceptance-the Missing Key to Your Personal Health, Growth & Development.” Retrieved on 6/7/2025 from https://medium.com/hlwf-healthcare-healthtech-lifesciences-wellness/self-acceptance-the-missing-key-to-your-personal-growth-development-bbbb19122c5b

    Shetty, Jay. “Self-Acceptance” video short. 8/4/2022. Retrieved on 6/7/2025 from

    Trimble, Nika. “Embracing Who You Are.” 7/30/2021. Medium. Retrieved on 6/11/2025 from https://medium.com/know-thyself-heal-thyself/embracing-who-you-are-d70d3146e567.

    Van de Kolk, MD, Bessel. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books. ©2015