Curious and Creative

Tag: personal-development

  • What is Self-worth?

    5/24/2025

    Self-worth often is confused with self-esteem. Though related, self-worth and self-esteem are distinct and different concepts. Self-worth is deeper and more stable. It is a sense of your inherent value as a person.

    As defined by the University of North Carolina-Wilmington’s health wellness website:

    Self-worth is the internal sense of being good enough and worthy of love and belonging from others.

    Self-worth is often confused with self-esteem that relies on external factors such as accomplishments, social status, and body image.

    How would you define your own self-worth? What words would you use to describe yourself? What value did you place on yourself or aspects of yourself?

    Humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers emphasized self-worth. He argued that true self value comes from unconditional acceptance of oneself.

    The Resilience Lab states self-worth is a concept that transcends self-confidence or self-esteem. It is the inherent value we place on ourselves, independent of external accolades. At its core, self-worth is an individual comprehensive assessment of a person’s own value. It is an internal compass. Self-love is a close ally of self-worth, and can significantly improve an individual’s self-worth.

    The concurring opinion is self-worth is not influenced by accomplishments, social recognition, or material possessions. It is rooted in self-acceptance and unconditional self-love.

    There are core aspects of self-worth:

    • Self-acceptance: accepting one’s own strengths and weaknesses without judgment. Appreciating unique traits and qualities. People with strong self-acceptance are less likely to be affected by criticism or failure.
    • Self-respect is a belief that one deserves love, kindness, and dignity. They treat themselves with compassion and fairness even when faced with challenges.
    • Resilience is the ability to maintain a positive self-view despite adversity. Resilient individuals with strong self-worth are better equipped to cope with life’s difficulties. They know that setbacks do not diminish their inherent value.

    Perhaps you have low self-worth. One resource pointed out that low self-worth is similar to shame, which is driven by deep beliefs and feelings of being unworthy, bad, or not good enough.

    Low self-worth can manifest in different ways for different people:

    • May avoid challenges in work or school
    • Get upset or distressed by any criticism or disapproval
    • Bend over backwards to please others
    • Be shy or self-conscious
    • Avoid or withdraw from intimacy, vulnerability or social contact
    • Less likely to stand up for self from being abused or neglected

    Dr. Gregory Jantz is an innovator in the treatment of mental health. Jantz pioneered the Whole Person Care over forty years ago. He is a best-selling author of over 45 books and a media authority. He once said that you can’t just tell someone they’re of worth and think they’ll believe you.

    Jantz said he struggled over the years as a psychologist to find ways to help someone feel their true value when they don’t feel it. Those who struggle with low self-worth may not feel their worth yet. However, through self-discovery, opening up to possibility, they can start asking themselves, “What if I really were of worth?” and “What if I could feel that I am valuable and loveable deep down?

    Self-worth emphasizes our intrinsic value. Building self-worth is important, as it requires you to recognize and accept your strengths and limitations. Focus on internal validation, rather than external approval. It is worth to note that low self-esteem can have a negative impact on self-worth.

    According to Thriveworks.com, self-worth precedes self-esteem. Developing self-worth helps with a healthy identity formation. Additionally, the Academic Psychological Association (APA) found a positive association between positive feelings of self-worth and a high degree of self-acceptance and self-esteem. Although there is not conclusive age at which self-worth develops, it begins developing along with awareness and maturity. By the age of five, it is likely a child would have strengthened their sense of self-worth.

    Self-worth is a foundation. If you have a strong sense of self-worth, you are more likely to accept yourself for who you are, flaws and mistakes included. A strong self-worth can be a positive buffer in hard and challenging times. Remember, that core beliefs are often old, deep and can be resistant to change. This can make self-worth issues more difficult to address.

    There are ways you can begin to build your self-worth:

    • Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself when you face setbacks.
    • Develop core values that can guide personal decision-making.
    • Engage in mindfulness. Focus on the present moment. Build your self-awareness.
    • Challenge negative thoughts. If a negative thought pops up, come up with two positive thoughts for every negative one.

    “Self-worth comes from one thing —  thinking that you are worthy.” – Wayne Dyer 

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 5/16/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/personal-growth-concept-illustration_29978908.htm”>Image by storyset on Freepik</a>

    Choosingtherapy.com. “Self-worth vs. Self-esteem.” Retrieved on 5/13/2025 from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/self-worth-vs-self-esteem/

    Jantz, Gregory. “Self-worth vs. Self-esteem: Understanding the Key Difference.” The Center: A Place of Hope. Updated on 12/16/2024. Retrieved on 5/16/2025 from https://www.aplaceofhope.com/self-worth-vs-self-esteem-understanding-the-key-differences/

    Resilience Lab. “What is Self-worth & How do we build it?” 3/13/2024. Retrieved on 5/16/2025

    Thriveworks.com “Self-worth v. Self-esteem.” Retrieved on 5/13/2025 from https://thriveworks.com/help-with/self-improvement/self-worth-vs-self-esteem/

    University of North Carolina-Wilmington. Self-Help resources.Self-Worth. Retrieved on 5/16/2025 from https://uncw.edu/seahawk-life/health-wellness/counseling/self-help-resources/self-worth

  • Stop Looking Outside Yourself for Validation

    May 17, 2025

    How often do you base your self-esteem on your accomplishments, your social circle, or  your looks? How often is your self-esteem go up and down based on circumstances or moods?

    As I began researching the topic of self-esteem, I realized that, like many people, I conflated the definitions of self-esteem and self-worth.  As I delved into the topic over the last few weeks, I learned that self-esteem and self-worth are not the same.  While the two terms are related, self-esteem is more about your perception of yourself, based on external factors and achievements, while self-worth is about your inherent value as a person. I will touch upon self-esteem in this blog.   Next week, I will focus on self-worth.

    According to Wikipedia, self-esteem is confidence in one’s own worth, abilities, or morals. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself, as well as emotional states like pride, triumph, happiness, despair, etc.

    Licensed clinical mental health counselor Hailey Shafir states that self-esteem describes how you think and feel about yourself, which changes based on mood, circumstance, performance or the approval of others.

    Self-esteem involves your thoughts and feelings about yourself, plus your level of confidence, added Shafir. Self-esteem depends heavily on the outer world of people, tasks, and external information used to compare, judge and evaluate yourself.

    The concepts of self-worth and self-esteem evolved since their introduction in the 19th century. Psychologist William James introduced the concept of self-esteem when he first linked self-esteem to accomplishments and personal success. Later, psychologist Carl Rogers emphasized self-worth and argued that true self-worth comes from unconditional acceptance of oneself.

    People with low self-esteem are less confident and often have more negative thoughts  and feelings about themselves. I can relate. Self-esteem can be fragile and fluctuate as it is based on our achievements, social status, or personal traits.  

    According to an article on The Center: A Place of Hope website, there are key components of self-esteem:

    • Competence-based
    • Social-based
    • Appearance-based

    Competence-based self-esteem is linked to skills and success. When individuals excel in specific areas like academics, work, or personal projects, their self-esteem often increases. An example could be a person getting a big promotion or mastering a new skill.

    Social-based self-esteem is tied to relationships. This component of self-esteem derives from the quality of relationships with others such as friends, family, and co-workers. Positive interactions can boost a person’s self-esteem. However, social rejection or isolation can diminish it.

    Appearance-based self-esteem is influenced by physical appearance. This component of self-esteem relates to how an individual perceives their physical looks and how closely those looks align with social beauty standards. Cultural norms, social media, and media representation significantly shapes and impacts this component.

    There are also several characteristics of self-esteem:

    • Thoughts and feelings about certain traits or skills
    • Temporary boosts in confidence
    • Self-judgment and evaluation
    • Conditional and contingent upon certain standards
    • Value in the external world
    • Negative feedback and the stress that can undermine its value
    • Ego or false self reflection
    • A scarce resource that needs constant renewal

    My self-esteem was like the stock market, one day it was up and the next down. As a kid, teenager, particularly my middle school days, I was young and immature. I did not have the social skills to make a lot of friends. I was awkward and often sat alone on the school bus. My self-esteem really started on a roller coaster ride when I started seventh grade. I was quiet and shy. I was a target of bullies. I often developed stomach aches before gym class in middle school. My self-esteem was not high.

    As I entered high school, I would look at Teen and Seventeen magazines and see what I perceived to be the beautiful girls. Teen magazine hosted a teen model contest each year. I dreamed that could be me. I knew that I was not tall or beautiful to even compete. You had to be at least five foot, seven inches tall. I am five foot, four inches tall. I took ballet class, actually started on point. I quit after puberty kicked in. I was not the thin and tiny body shape that other girls were in my class. I am not sure if I could have been good. I judged my body harshly.

    Self-esteem is more judgmental than self-worth, as it is a by-product of your critical mind, which is the part that is really good at finding and fixing problems. This part of the brain is always looking for new information to use to evaluate and compare you to other people, their expectations or your own expectations, wrote Hailey Shafir.

    I am so glad that social media didn’t exist back then. I think I would have been obsessed with Instagram. Media representations and social media often create an unrealistic standard for beauty and success. My self-esteem would be caught up with it. I cannot recall who said it, don’t compare your behind the scenes life with another’s highlight reel. It is not a true comparison. This point is confirmed by other concurring resources.

    “Social media platforms, in particular, can fuel comparison and negatively impact self-esteem by showcasing curated, idealized versions of other lives,” according to the Center: A Place for Hope.

    Clinical therapists Samantha Gonzalez and Alyssa Acosta led a study at Loma Linda University Behavioral Health. They broke down the impact of social media on the self-perception and mental well-being of young individuals and the challenges that they face in maintaining their own healthy self-image in the digital age.

    “Social media platforms are flooded with meticulously curated profiles, showcasing seemingly perfect lives, flawless appearances, and ideal bodies,” Acosta says. “This constant exposure to images of seemingly perfect individuals can lead young people to develop unrealistic expectations about their own appearance and life achievements.”

    The negative impacts of social media platforms can lead to distorted representations and comparing oneself to what is online. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, lowered self-esteem, and even body dysmorphia. Young people are fueled by the need for validation and social approval.  The number of “likes, comments, and followers,” has become a measure for self-worth.

    Social media and media representations are not the only factors impacting our self-esteem. Childhood experiences play a crucial role in shaping self-esteem. Consistent praise, encouragement, and constructive feedback can foster a healthy self-esteem. In contrast, if an individual grew up with neglect, criticism, or abuse, these factors can damage self-esteem and lead to lifelong securities. 

    Cultural and societal expectation play a role as well. Different cultures place varying levels on the importance of individual success, social standing, and physical appearance. Societal pressures of academic achievement, college choice, career choice, career achievements, social status, and beauty ideals significantly affect self-esteem.

    Self-esteem affects many areas of life: emotional health, relationships, and personal achievements. When we have a healthy self-esteem, we are more likely to take risks and pursue goals. We can be better equipped to face and handle set-backs and bounce back from failures. When we have healthy self-esteem, it can foster positive relationships and effective communication. That is a win-win in my book.

    On the other hand, low self-esteem can cause emotional instability. We may rely on external validation and this can cause emotional highs and lows. Low self-esteem may result in social withdrawal or an avoidance of social events. From my experience, low self-esteem has led to life-long social anxiety. If I go to this event, will have anyone to talk to? Will I be a “wall flower?” standing by the buffet? As someone who has experienced low self-esteem that has been persistent at points in my life, it can indeed lead to depression, generalized anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness.

    Steps to take to improve self-esteem:

    • Be kind and increase self-compassion
    • Separate what you do from who you are
    • Stop looking outside yourself for validation
    • Stop competing, start connecting
    • Develop a more positive mindset

    These steps will not be easy, however, they’ll be well worth it.

    “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” –Marilyn Monroe

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 5/16/2025 from https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/high-self-esteem-illustration_10684322.htm#fromView=keyword&page=1&position=11&uuid=8de2c781-1298-4147-a9f8-39ef0349968b&query=Self+Esteem

    The Center: A Place of Hope. “Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem: Understanding the Key Differences.” Retrieved on 5/5/2025 from Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem: Understanding the Key Differences

    Hibbert, Christina.”Self-Esteem vs. Self-Worth: Q & A with Dr. Christian Hibbert.” Retrieved on 5/5/2025 from Self-Esteem vs. Self-Worth: Q & A w/ Dr. Christina Hibbert | Dr. Christina Hibbert

    Mong, Victor. “7 Habits Most People Don’t Realize are driven by Shame.” Medium.com. 4/1/2025. Retrieved on 5/15/2025 from https://victormong.medium.com/7-habits-most-people-dont-realize-are-driven-by-shame-66c2f41388f2

    Shafir, Hailey, LCMHCS. “Self-Worth Vs. Self-Esteem: Understanding the Differences.” Choosingtherapy.com 9/29/2023. Retrieved on 5/13/2025 from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/self-worth-vs-self-esteem/

    Smith, Molly.  “The impacts of social media on youth self-image.” 5/16/2023. Retrieved on 5/16/2025 from https://news.llu.edu/health-wellness/impacts-of-social-media-youth-self-image#

  • There is a Need to Be Kind and Compassionate to Yourself

    5/6/2025

    Do you see yourself as kind and compassionate? Do you extend that to yourself?

    I must admit over the years, I thought of myself as not good enough. I internalized what I saw as a shortcoming. I developed a strong bias against myself. It was not just what I physically saw, I disliked or criticized my actions or lack of actions. My anxiety increased. Back in 2018, I named my anxiety as “Annie.” Annie has been the meanest bully I have ever faced. As I have gotten older, what was unacceptable to me or seen as problems and flaws are now less intrusive. I still battle with “Annie” anxiety. Yet now, Annie wins fewer fights.

    If I want a true, straight forward answer, I ask my husband. He may not sugar coat it. In fairness, he is kinder to me than I am to myself. I have learned over the years, then when I am mean and critical to myself, he is my biggest defender. He is ready to battle “Annie” himself. I have told him, this is a battle that I must fight on my own, if he is in my corner between rounds. I will feel stronger.

    Self-criticism distorts our awareness of who we really are. Comparison games make things worse and not better. It causes us to doubt our abilities, increases our anxiety, then our self-esteem takes a nosedive.

    How do we feel better? Research done by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. has shown that self-compassion and kindness is particularly important. In the early 200’s, Kristin Neff’s research and publications on self-compassion became popular. The concept of self-compassion gained ground within the field of psychology.

    What is self-compassion? It is treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend in tough times, by acknowledging pain, setbacks, and actively paying attention to your emotions without hard judgment of yourself wrote Neff. Neff outlines three key components of self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

    • Self-kindness v. self-judgment: Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagging ourselves with self-criticism.
    • Common humanity v. isolation: self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone.
    • Mindfulness v. over-identification: Self-compassion also requires taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. The goal is to use mindfulness to observe thoughts and feelings as they are without trying to suppress or deny them.

    As Neff points out, we cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. Self-compassion is not a new concept. Buddhism’s core value of importance is compassion. It was Neff’s introduction to Buddhism during her Ph.D. dissertation process that led her to start researching self-compassion.

     In Buddhism, compassion, often translated as karuna (Sanskrit) or karuna (Pali), is a core concept, representing a strong wish for others to be free from suffering and to experience happiness, rooted in the interconnectedness and equality of all beings. 

    “By feeling compassion for others, our own suffering becomes manageable,” His Holiness the Dalai Lama has written in his teachings on compassion. This practice of cultivating compassion is not limited to Buddhist practitioners — it is seen as a universal quality that can be developed by anyone.

    There is a relentless pursuit of being above average to feel good about ourselves, wrote Neff in her book, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.

    “If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation, “wrote Neff.

    Neff’s work has made a significant impact and led to further research and awareness of self-compassion. She co-created a mindful self-compassion program with Chris Germer, as well as a new type of therapy called Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) which has gained popularity in recent years in addressing mental health difficulties.

    As part of the mindful self-compassion program that she co-created Neff has outlined the pillars of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, self-kindness, and reaching out for support.

    Practicing self-compassion can reduce negative self-talk and improve emotional resilience and well-being wrote Psychologist Catherine Moore.

    In a study led by Hiroki Hirano, researchers highlighted the following:

    • Higher self-esteem and self-compassion were associated with greater affect. Higher self-esteem and self-compassion were linked to lower negative effects and stress.
    • Higher self-esteem and self-compassion were related to greater use of adaptive coping.
    • The utility of self-esteem and self-compassion varied across cultures.

    Writer Elaine Mead points out that People are often good at demonstrating compassion for others, but not so much for the self. Self-compassion can be an incredibly tricky process to fully adopt. Where mindfulness can feel like self-care, self-compassion can often be mixed up with feelings of self-indulgence.”

    I work on being kinder and more compassionate to myself. I ask you to do the same. I will end with this:

     “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 5/6/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/flat-design-compliment-illustration_38729151.htm”>Image by freepik</a>

    Germer, Chris. “Loving Kindness for Ourselves.” Guided mindfulness (20 minutes in length). Retrieved on 4/7/2025 from https://chrisgermer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Loving-KindnessforOurselves20.41ckgamplified12-14-14.mp3

    Hirano, Hiroki, Keiko Ishii, and Maaya Sato. “Exploring the Influence of self-esteem and self-compassion on daily psychological health: Insights from the experience sampling method.” Retrieved on 5/4/2025 from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886925001023#:~:text=Specifically%2C%20individuals%20high%20in%20self,on%20daily%20stress%20management%20strategies.

    “What is Compassion?” Lionsroar.com Retrieved on 4/7/2025 from https://www.lionsroar.com/buddhism/compassion-karuna/

    Mead, Elaine, BSc. “What is Mindful Self-Compassion?” Positive Psychology.com 6/1/2019. Retrieved on 4/7/2025 from https://positivepsychology.com/mindful-self-compassion/#:~:text=Research%20Connecting%20Mindfulness%20and%20Self%2DCompassion&text=Key%20studies%20connecting%20mindfulness%20and,1%2Dyear%20follow%2Dups

    Moore, Catherine, MBA. “How to Practice Self-Compassion: 8 Techniques and Tips.” 6/2/2019. Retrieved on 4/16/2025 from How to Practice Self-Compassion: 8 Techniques and Tips

    Neff, Ph.D., Kristin. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow. New York, NY. ©2011

    Neff, Ph.D., Kristin. Self-Compassion.org. Retrieved on 5/3/2025 from https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/

  • How Your Blind Spots Can Deter Your Career

    May 3, 2025

    Blind spots are personal traits or aspects we demonstrate, but are not aware of. If the traits appear as weaknesses, they can then limit the way we react, behave, or believe that could limit our effectiveness. These blind spots can negatively impact career advancement and overall professional success.

    Cynthia Orduna of Career Minds describes a professional blind spot to an area of leadership or personal behavior that an individual is unaware of, which negatively impacts their work effectiveness. She adds, these blind spots can stem from deeply ingrained habits, biases, or perspectives that can go unchallenged.

    According to leadership coach Ramonda Shaw, there are nine core blind spots:

    • avoiding conflict,
    • being a “know it all”
    • blaming others or circumstances
    • underestimating workload
    • ignoring feedback
    • not truly listening
    • being insensitive
    • conspiring against others/playing favorites
    • driven by personal agenda

    Writer Erica Lamberg points out workers are faced with career blind spots that can catch them by surprise. 

    Examples of blind spots in the workplace:

    If you avoid conflict and hesitate to address uncomfortable situations, this can lead to unresolved issues and damage work relationships. If you refuse to take responsibility for your actions or mistakes, including constructive feedback, you are risking your personal growth and development. It can hinder the progress that you could be making in your job.

    Leadership Strategist Sara Canaday states that we all have blind spots.  The only way to identify them is to ask someone has a different perspective. Select someone that will be honest enough to tell us the truth about ourselves.

    If you take on a project without understanding the full extent of its requirements and complexity, then you could miss deadlines. If you do not ask for help, this could add to the trouble that leads to miscommunication and frustration.

    It’s not just workers that show blind spots, according to Orduna.  Even seasoned leaders can have blind spots. These blind spots can cause a misalignment with their perceptions and actions with reality. It does not just affect the leader’s growth, but also impacts team dynamics and overall organizational success.

    In what ways can blind spots impact a leader?

    The leader could excel at functional tasks like technology or accounting, but falls short of building relationships. The person could have a detached personality and show little, if any, emotion. In fact, internally, the person may look down on others who show emotion in the workplace. Leaders who lack empathy and sensitivity hurt their team.

    A leader micromanages by constant supervision that could stifle creativity and demotivate their employees. The employees may feel that they are not trusted to do their jobs. Who wants a leader that is constantly looking over our shoulders?

    A leader could use direct or blunt communication that they may believe is efficient and clear. Yet, the style of communication is actually harsh and insensitive. The team could become demoralized or feel disrespected. Here, the work environment would become toxic.

    What if this same leader sees themselves as approachable, but then dismisses feedback from their team? Eventually, team members may become frustrated, then stop sharing ideas and their concerns.

    The leader that gives the top, high visibility projects to certain team members only, this can cause resentment among the rest of the team. Who wants to feel overlooked and undervalued?

    Being unaware of how you come across or are perceived could lead to miscommunication and misunderstandings. It is important to be aware of and understand various perspectives of co-workers. Being insensitive to how your behavior impacts a teammate could damage relationships and morale.

    “As in many areas of our lives,” wrote author K. Scott Griffith,  “blind spots are everywhere, often hiding in plain sight.”

    Remember, we will have blind spots. If you can become aware of them, understand them, then learn to manage them, you can grow. First, we have to look in the mirror and assess ourselves. One of the things that I learned as a leader and club officer in my Toastmasters club is to conduct a 360-degree assessment of my skill set, communication skills, and other traits. It is part of the Toastmasters International leadership development process. It allows members and fellow club officers to gain a better understanding of their strengths and areas for improvement. Take the time to create a plan to improve. Invite someone who knows you well, will be honest with you, and become your accountability partner. This will help you stay on course.  Don’t let blind spots deter your success.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 5/3/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/strict-boss-concept-illustration_40467506.htm”>Image by storyset on Freepik</a>

    Canaday, Sara. “Are Your Blind Spots Killing Your Career?” 4/7/2014. Retrieved on 4/24/2025 from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20140407232101-15105969-are-your-your-blind-spots-killing-your-career/

    Griffith, K. Scott. The Leader’s Guide to Managing Risk: A Proven Method to Build Resilience and Reliability. Harper Collins Leadership. ©November 2023.

    Lamberg, Erica. “These career blind spots could be holding you back at work.” Fox Business. Retrieved on 4/27/2025 from https://www.foxbusiness.com/lifestyle/career-blind-spots-could-be-holding-you-back-work-gain-control-author

    Longnecker, Clinton O. and Robert D. Yonker. “Leadership Blind Spots in Rapidly Changing Organizations.   Retrieved on 4/24/2025 from https://www.iise.org/details.aspx?id=44285

    MacGregor, Basis. “5 Top Leadership Blind Spots That Are Killing Your Performance.” 9/20/2019. Retrieved on 4/24/2025 from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/5-top-leadership-blind-spots-killing-your-performance/.

    Orduna, Cynthia. “Leadership Blind Spots: What They Are and How to Fix Them.” 9/19/2024. Retrieved 4/24/2025 from https://careerminds.com/blog/leadership-blind-spots#:~:text=A%20professional%20blind%20spot%20is,missed%20opportunities%20in%20the%20workplace

    Shaw, Ramona. “9 Common Blind Spots That Plague Even the Best Leaders.” Retrieved on 4/27/2025 from https://www.ramonashaw.com/9-common-blind-spots-that-plague-even-the-best-leaders/

    Toastmasters International. Club Officer 360 Degree Evaluation. Retrieved on 4/27/2025 from https://www.toastmasters.org/resources/club-officer-360-degree-evaluation

    Vozza, Stephanie. “How to Recognize Your Blind Spots Before They Derail Your Career.” 10/16/2017. Retrieved on 4/24/2025 from https://www.fastcompany.com/40477399/how-to-recognize-your-blind-spots-before-they-derail-your-career

  • Being Nice is Different from Being Kind

    4/23/2025

    Contrary to popular opinion, kindness is not synonymous with niceness. Those words often are interchanged, or their meanings are meshed. While both involve positive interactions with others, kindness is understood to be a deeper, more genuine expression of care and concern, while niceness is more about being polite and agreeable. 

    Kindness is defined by Oxford Dictionary as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Synonyms for kindness are affection, altruism, benevolence, cordiality, graciousness, unselfishness. A person that is motivated to be kind is rooted in empathy, compassion, and a genuine desire to help others. 

    “Kindness means recognizing the full humanity of another person,” wrote author Arthur Dobrin, DSW.

    On the other hand, the Oxford Dictionary defines niceness as a person who has a pleasant manner, is agreeable, and good natured. Niceness has also been defined as having a courteous manner that respects social usage. Some synonyms for niceness are friendliness, charm, amiability, affability, and decency. A person who is motivated to be nice is often driven by social expectations, a desire to be liked, or a fear of causing discomfort. 

    Writer Hannah Braim wrote that empathy is the ability to understand someone else’s situation, experience, feelings, and behaviors.  Empathy is the foundation of this concern.

    Take a moment to be kind. Taking time to help others is kindness. For example, you can give up a seat on the bus, train, or subway. You pay for someone’s coffee. You can create a card and send it to a relative, telling them you are thinking of them. You can offer a person your time to listen to them. You can encourage others with your words and actions.

    According to Thesaurus.com, niceness is often expressed through words or gestures, while kindnessis often expressed through acts.

    How do psychologists define kindness? According to the American Psychological Association (APA), kindness is a “benevolent and helpful action intentionally directed toward another person.” The motivation behind kindness is often considered to be the desire to improve the person’s well-being — rather than to help someone to gain some type of reward or avoid punishment, according to APA.

    The core difference lies in the underlying motivations and intentions. Niceness is often a means to an end, such as gaining approval or avoiding conflict, while kindness is the end itself, driven by a genuine desire to help others.

    Being kind by helping others also helps you as a giver. Being kind improves mood and self-esteem and can give the givers a sense of purpose. It can lead to a sense of belonging and connection with others according to New Jersey City University.

    I read a story about a doctor who attended a mindfulness retreat many years ago with certain expectations. Dr. Jeffrey Brantley started doing the Loving-Kindness meditation practice of directing kindness to others. Initially, he felt an aversion to the task. He judged the instructors a bit, wondering why loving-kindness had anything to do with meditation.

    Yet, after a week, he noticed a change in himself. He learned that trying to practice mindfulness, where you let your thoughts pass through your mind without attaching judgment to them, did require kindness. Over time, he felt less judgmental, he was able to cultivate kindness, and it improved his mood, helped with anger, and helped during difficult interactions.

    Following this experience, Brantley founded and directed the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program at Duke Integrative Medicine, then spent decades as a psychiatrist, specializing in meditation, including loving-kindness. Brantley realized that cultivating warmth toward others and yourself (self-compassion) has many benefits to our health.

    I am going to challenge myself to do this Loving-Kindness meditation each day. Take time to sit quietly, and as you sit, wish people well.  This includes loved ones, strangers, difficult people, and yourself. You begin each daily session thinking of others, using phrases like “may they be happy,” “may they be healthy,” and “may they find peace.”

    The Mental Health Foundation in the U.K. pointed out that by taking the time to be kind to others, we can benefit from emotional upsides. It really does are effective, especially for people who are vulnerable or struggling.

    Allan Luks, researcher, has researched the phenomenon called the “Helper’s High” over many years. Research has shown that after helping someone, the helper’s body releases endorphins. This creates a rush of elation, followed by a period of calm. Luks has found evidence that a helper can even re-experience this high just by remembering their altruistic acts – even long after they take place.

    Kindness has health benefits:

    • Kindness buffers stress
    • Kindness is good for your mental health.
    • Kindness is good for your heart.
    • Kindness increases longevity.

    “For many people,” said Dr. Brantley, especially those who beat themselves about things-the hardest person to be kind to is yourself. However, cultivating a kindness practice directly outwardly toward others, can eventually begin to direct more kindness inwardly.

    I strive to be kind. We can find a way to show kindness to others in our words and actions. Kindness can start with the individual and it can start with you and me. Research in one study stated that expressing gratitude toward someone else can be an effective way to kickstart your own kindness efforts.

    Resources:

    Image Retrieved on 4/23/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/volunteers-teaming-up-organize-donations-charity_21535426.htm”>Image by freepik</a>

    Braim, Hannah. “Being ‘Kind’ Isn’t the Same as Being ‘Nice’”. 1/6/2018. Medium.com Retrieved on 4/12/2025 fromhttps://medium.com/@hannahbraime/being-kind-isn-t-the-same-as-being-nice-

    Dobrin, DSW, Arthur. “Forget Niceness—Just Be Kind.” 10/1/2022.Retrieved on 4/12/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/am-i-right/202212/forget-niceness-just-be-kind

    Hirsch, Michele Lent, Jessica Migala. “All About Kindness: Definition, Health Benefits, and How to Be a Kinder Person.” Everyday Health. 12/15/2022. Retrieved on 4/18/2025 from https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/all-about-kindness/#:~:text=Another%20paper%20in%20the%20Journal,others%20when%20it%20enhances%20your

    Mental Health Foundation. “Kindness Matters Guide.” Retrieved on 4/18/2025 from https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/kindness/kindness-matters-guide

    New Jersey City University. “How Helping Others Benefits You!” Retrieved on 4/18/2025 from https://www.njcu.edu/student-life/campus-services-resources/counseling-center/additional-resources/articles/how-helping-others-benefits-you

    Thesaurus.com “Nice Vs. Kind: A Helpful Guide to The Difference”. 5/2/2023. Retrieved on 4/12/2025 from https://www.thesaurus.com/e/grammar/nice-vs-kind/

  • Are you aware of who you are?

    April 11, 2025

    Sounds like a deep question. In the here and now, we may not be fully aware of what is happening around us or who you really  are.  We are less aware than we think.

    Dr. Tasha Eurich is an organizational psychologist, executive coach, and researcher. She conducted a multi-year study on self-awareness. Eurich concluded that 95 percent of people believe they are self-aware about how they are perceived, but in reality, only 10-15 percent are.

    Eurich stated that a lack of self-awareness is higher among people with more power, the ones whose cluelessness can do more damage. Eurich defined self-awareness as an  understanding of who we are and how we are seen.

    According to Elizabeth Perry, writer/blogger at Betterup.com, there two types of self-awareness: private self-awareness and public self-awareness. Private involves being aware of internal aspects of self, such as thoughts, feelings, and attitude. Public self-awareness is how we perceive ourselves from the perspective of others. Awareness of how we appear and are evaluated by others.

    In contrast, a lack of self-awareness is a failure to recognize one’s own strengths, weaknesses, and motivations, which makes it difficult to understand others and adapt to changing situations. Eurich’s research finds that people with self-awareness are happier and have better relationships. They also experience a sense of personal and social control, as well as higher job satisfaction.

    “Most people believe they’re above average on every socially desirable characteristic,” noted Dr. Eurich, adding, “the least competent people are the most confident about their abilities and performance.”  In contrast, Eurich stated that those individuals who are self-aware are better performers and more promotable at work. They tend to be happier in personal relationships, as well.

    Though self-awareness is important for job performance, career, success, leadership effectiveness, and personal effectiveness, it is lacking in today’s workplace, according to Dr. Eurich.

    You may have a co-worker that, despite past successes and solid qualifications, they may display a lack of insight of how they are perceived. If you are having trouble with someone, ask yourself, what’s behind the tension? If someone is unaware, there is often a consensus about their behavior.

    Here are some other tell-tale signs that a co-worker may lack self-awareness:

    • They cannot “read the room.” They cannot tailor their message to the audience.
    • They cannot empathize with or take a perspective of others.
    • They can be surprised by people’s reactions. They tend to be focused on intent, instead of their action’s impact.
    • They won’t listen or accept critical feedback.
    • They get defensive about feedback. If your feedback to them triggers a more emotional reaction, they likely had no clue what was happening.
    • They overestimate their contributions to the team. They possess an inflated opinion of their performance.
    • They are hurtful to others without realizing it.
    • They take credit for successes, while blaming others for failures.

    When seeking feedback, do not confront, wrote Liane Davey. Rather, ask questions to help you understand how they would like to be perceived by others. Once you understand what the person is working towards, you can provide a perspective that might help them. Set up ground values with your team, and talk about behavioral expectations as a team. There is no guarantee, wrote Davey, to enhance another’s self-awareness, but you can try.

    Remember, said Eurich, the biggest difference between the unaware and the “Aware-Don’t-Care” are their intentions.  The unaware genuinely want to be collaborative and effective, but don’t know they’re falling short. 

    What if you are the one who lacks self-awareness? High self-awareness is a rare skill. It is important, wrote Perry, as it allows leaders to assess their growth, and change course when necessary. When we develop self-awareness, we enhance our decision-making, improve relationships, recognize our emotional triggers, then better able to manage our reactions and regulate our emotions.

    It will take hard work and time to increase and develop self-awareness. Ask “what” questions, like, “What can I do to improve my confidence?”

    “What was I experiencing at the time?”

    “What was happening in the room at the time?”

    Ask others what their perceptions are of you. This may be very difficult, particularly if we have become emotional or underplayed our behavior. Keep a journal, and practice mindfulness and deep breathing.

    One step at a time. I will end this blog post with this quote: “Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?”
    ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 4/11/2025 from <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/mental-health-awareness-concept_7974025.htm”>Image by pikisuperstar on Freepik</a>

    California Learning Resource Network (CLRN) “What is a blind spot in psychology?” 11/18/2024. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from What is a blind spot in psychology? –

    Davey, Lianne. “How to Deal with Someone who is not Self Aware”. 6/4/2023. Retrieved on 4/7/2025 from https://lianedavey.com/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-not-self-aware/

    Eurich, Tasha. “Difficult Conversations: Working with People Who Aren’t Self-Aware.” 10/19/2018. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2018/10/working-with-people-who-arent-self-aware

    Perry, Elizabeth. “How to Develop Self-Awareness and Unlock Your Full Potential.” Betterup.com. 2/6/2025. Retrieved on 4/7/2025 from https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-self-awareness

    Talesnik, Dana. “Eurich Explores Why Self-Awareness Matters.” Pillars of Insight. June 28, 2019. Vol. LXXI, no. 13. Retrieved on 4/7/2025 from https://nihrecord.nih.gov/2019/06/28/eurich-explores-why-self-awareness-matters

  • Whether we like it or not, we have unconscious biases

    March 21, 2025

    human head with open door dark background for mental health vector

    What are unconscious biases? An unconscious bias refers to the ingrained assumptions, beliefs, and associations we hold outside of our conscious awareness. Sometimes also called implicit biases, these mental short codes inform our decision-making and interactions with those around us — without our knowledge.

    Charles Ruhl noted he term implicit bias was first coined in 1995 by psychologists Mahzarin Banaji and Anthony Greenwald, who argued that social behavior is largely influenced by unconscious associations and judgments.

     A growing body of psychology research points to an uncomfortable truth about decision making.  Unconscious bias influences all of us, and even the simplest decisions we make, as noted on the Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Network website.

    Our unconscious biases are not just shaped by our personal history, but also by opinions of people we trust, plus cultural norms, wrote Jory McKay. There are various internal and external factors that creep into our decision-making equation, without our permission or awareness.

    Gender, beauty, conformity, affinity, and confirmation are some types of unconscious biases. These biases often arise from trying to find patterns and navigate the overwhelming stimuli in this complicated world. Culture, media, and upbringing can also contribute to the development of such biases.

     What is dangerous about implicit bias is that it automatically seeps into a person’s affect or behavior and is outside of the full awareness of that person. These biases are shaped by our cultural environment, upbringing, and firsthand experiences, leading us to make decisions or judgments based on assumptions without being aware of them, reported by MacKay.

    We must be concerned, cautioned MacKay, that our unconscious biases are natural.  They aren’t necessarily right or fair.

    To talk about bias, people often get uncomfortable. The most difficult people to learn about  fairness are people who value fairness the most. People who really care about being fair often can push away the idea that there is unconscious bias, commented Kimberly Papillon, Esq. Judicial Lecturer, Neuroscience and Law at Georgetown University.

    Papillon stated in a video online that what’s interesting about unconscious bias is that it doesn’t automatically make us bad people. What it does sometimes is make us do things that don’t align with our value system.

    The unconscious brain, however, is filled with information that you have stored away over your lifetime, forming unconscious biases. You can change your unconscious biases if you want to, but it will take effort, wrote Rebekah Kuschmider.

    Our implicit biases are malleable, which means you can change them, wrote Kuschmider. Since our implicit biases are created from our life experiences, but they can change as we add new and different life experiences.

    Our implicit or unconscious biases are different than our conscious thoughts, words, and actions. Our biases are inherently human according to Papillon. We react to what is unfamiliar or threatening to us.

    We can learn about ourselves once we learn about our implicit biases with help of others, we challenge ourselves to influence and change our unconsciousness. There are a few ways that I have learned about:

    • Challenge yourself to meet new people.
    • Connect with people who defy stereotypes,
    • Cultivate conscious empathy, and
    • Participate in bias training.
    • Participate in mindfulness training.

    “It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into.”

    – Jonathan Swift

    Resources:

    Image by starline on Freepik. Retrieved 3/22/2025

    CLRN Team. “What is a blind spot in Psychology?”  11/18/2024. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from https://www.clrn.org/what-is-a-blind-spot-in-psychology.

    Georgetown University’s National Center for Cultural Competence. “Two Types of Bias”:  Retrieved on 3/14/2025 from https://nccc.georgetown.edu/bias/module3/1.php#:~:text=Implicit%20or%20unconscious%20bias%20operates,full%20awareness%20of%20that%20person

    Georgetown University’s National Center for Cultural Competence. “How It Is Possible” How Well-Meaning People Act in Ways that Contradict their Values and Belief Systems.”  Retrieved on 3/14/2025 from https://nccc.georgetown.edu/bias/module-3/2.php

    “How It Is Possible” How Well-Meaning People Act in Ways that Contradict their Values and Belief Systems”. Retrieved on 3/14/2025 from https://nccc.georgetown.edu/bias/module-3/2.php.

    Kuschmider, Rebekah. “How to Unlearn Unconscious Bias.” 821/2021. Retrieved on 3/14/2025 from https://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-to-unlearn-unconscious-bias.

    MacKay, Jory. “How to Overcome Your Unconscious”. October 2024. Retrieved on 3/14/2025 from https://plan.io/blog/unconscious-bias-examples/.

    Six Seconds (Emotional Intelligence Network). Retrieved on 3/20/2025 from https://www.6seconds.org/2018/09/04/the-science-of-unconscious-bias-what-colors-our-lenses-why-it-changes-our-decisions-and-how-to-keep-clear/

    human head with open door dark background for mental health vector

    Ruhl, Charles. “Implicit Bias (Unconscious Bias): Definition & Examples.” 8/2/2023. Retrieved on 3/20/2025 fromhttps://www.simplypsychology.org/implicit-bias.html

  • Our Shadows Can Betray Us and Impact Our relationships

    March 14, 2025

    Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung first coined the term ”shadow” to describe aspects of our psyches that have been relegated to the unconscious. Jung believed that our shadow selves contain repressed emotions, thoughts, desires, insecurities, and fears. He theorized every individual has an inherent tendency to project their own unconscious thoughts, feelings, and motivations onto others, often as a defense mechanism.

    Today, psychologists’ theories have evolved since Jung. They refer to these shadows as psychological blind spots. This is an essential concept in understanding cognitive biases and how they influence our behavior, relationships, and decision-making processes, reported the California Learning Resource Network.

    “Psychological blind spots are those personal characteristics that we do not want to recognize,” wrote Jennifer Delgado, adding, the problem with psychological blind spots is that we assume these biases as trustworthy, thinking that we are immune to them, so we deceive ourselves.

    According to Ron Passfield, Ph.D, blind spots can negatively impact every facet of our lives including decisions and relationships as they are often due to cognitive biases and personal defense mechanisms. Additionally, our blind spots often manifest in our reactivity to stimuli whatever form they take.

    Interestingly, Jung believed that our shadow selves are not evil or negative but a natural part of human nature.

    According to a 2002 study by Princeton University social psychologists, we are unable to see our blind spots or recognize the impact of our biases and limitations on our judgment, behavior, and decisions. However, we do not have problems to recognize them in others, but we may have motivated ignorance to protect the image that we have formed of ourselves.

    According to the California Learning Resource Network, there are a combination of factors that emerge to form blind spots:

    • Unconscious biases
    • Defense mechanisms
    • Emotional repression
    • Lack of self-awareness
    • Cognitive dissonance

    Next week, I will delve into the ways that our blind spots emerge. Our blind spots can manifest in various parts of our lives: relationships, professional lives, and our self perception. I will touch upon these in upcoming blog posts in the next several weeks.

    As we become aware of our blind spots, we face them and can break free of their influence. Psychologists and counselors suggest that we can acknowledge our blind spots in several different ways including pursuing self reflection, seek feedback and constructive criticism, practice mindfulness, self-compassion and seek professional help.

    Today, I will leave you with this quote:

    “Do not believe everything you think, said Allan Lokos, author of Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living. “Thoughts are just that – thoughts. You cannot control the results, only your actions.” 

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 3/14/2025 from https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/smiling-person-crowd-concept_6625250.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=36&uuid=580b87f2-77fd-4880-af42-698f2536661f&query=psychological+blind+spots

    CLRN Team. “What is a blind spot in Psychology?”  11/18/2024. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from https://www.clrn.org/what-is-a-blind-spot-in-psychology.

    Delgado, Jennifer. “Psychological Blind Spots: What you do not know about you weakens you.” Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from https://psychology-spot.com/psychological-blind-spots/

    Lokkos, Allan. Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living. Penguin Publishing Group. NY, NY ©2012

    Nguyen, Joseph. “Don’t Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking is the Beginning & End of Suffering.” Full audio book. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from ‘Don’t Believe Everything You Think’ Full-Length Audiobook (From The Author) – YouTube

    Oppong, Thomas. “Beware of Your Shadow Self-Carl Jung: On Accepting Yourself completely.” Medium.com 5/3/2023 Retrieved from Beware of Your Shadow Self — Carl Jung | by Thomas Oppong | Personal Growth | Medium

    Passfield, Ron. “Identifying our Blind Spots Through Observation and Reflection.” GrowMindfulness.com. January 25,2022. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from https://growmindfulness.com/identifying-our-blind-spots-through-observation-and-reflection/

    Tan, Emily. “Uncovering the Meaning of Blind Spots in Psychology.” Listen-Hard.com 2/8/2024 updated. Retrieved on 3/12/2025 from Uncovering the Meaning of Blind Spots in Psychology – Listen-Hard

  • Do You Fear Failing?

    March 7, 2025

    Do you feel drained and fatigued? Do you have low energy? Are you dissatisfied with life? You may not realize it, but what you’re feeling are effects of fear on your body and mind.

    Fear is one of the most powerful forces in life, wrote Theo Tsaousides, Ph.D. Fear affects the decisions you make, the actions you take, and the outcomes you achieve. Fear also comes in different forms. If you are seeking success, the fear of failure could have the most direct impact on you.

    Dr. Diane Hamilton described fear at its core as a reluctance to delve into the unknown. Fear is defined as being overly cautious or reluctant to act to avoid consequences.  The reasons could range from the ridiculous to deadly serious. It includes fear of failure, fear of making life altering changes, fear of looking stupid or ignorant, and fear of reexperiencing something negative from childhood.

    Did you know that there is a word for the fear of failure?  It’s called “atychiphobia,” and according to the Cleveland Clinic, atychiphobiais an intense fear of failure. There are three key points about the fear of failure: it has a paralyzing effect, it involves emotional distress, and it brings procrastination.As the anxiety and anticipation of potential failure can be more debilitating than the aftermath of a mistake, it often leads to avoidance behaviors and missed opportunities to learn and grow. 

    The constant worry about failing can prevent people from taking risks, trying new things, and holding us back from achieving goals.A fear of failing can often make us feel worse than actual failure. Personal experiences with failure can cause us to develop an intense fear of failure in the future.

    Researchers have found that the fear of failure is multifaceted. According to Dr. Tsaousides, there are different types of consequences that we fear we will suffer, should we fail. Each time we experience the fear of failure, it may be for a different reason. Some of the reasons included, but not limited to, is the belief that failure is embarrassing, you don’t have what it takes to succeed, you are stuck, you will let people down, or that you are irrelevant.

    According to the Cleveland Clinic, fear of failure is self-fulfilling. Those that fear failure might put off tasks or important decisions, due to an anticipation of potential negative outcomes.

    According to Dr. Tsaousides, fear of failure is the emotional, cognitive, and behavioral reaction to the negative consequences you anticipate for failing to achieve a goal.

    Behavioral scientists, psychologists, and counselors encourage us to not shy away from fear, but instead, move toward risk. From my personal experience, that is easier said than done. Fear of failure is a psychological barrier that prevents people from taking risks.

    Podcast host Paul Colaianni of “The Overwhelmed Brain” has said that the fear of failing can be imagined as so traumatic and painful to some, that they literally do nothing instead. What does failure mean for you? If you define it, you might have a better understanding what we really fear.

    Our natural inclination to fear might be to pull away and avoid facing the fear. I found this  quote from Marc Jabobs: “Curiosity is what draws you of your comfort zone; fear is what draws you back in.”

    Jacobs makes some key points: curiosity is a positive motivator and driving force. But fear is a restraint. It holds you back from venturing too far of the comfort zone. There is an internal struggle to stay safe and our desire to explore.  We need to find a balance.

    “Fear of failure keeps you safe, but small,” wrote Dr. Tsaousides.

    Psychologist Dr. Lisabeth Saunders Metlock points out that our mistakes and failures are gifts, gems, and guideposts in our learning and growth as people. Rather than shy away, we need to instead embrace failures, mistakes, screw ups and shortcomings, because they not only make us uniquely who we are, they also teach us powerful lessons.

    Dr. Metlock shared a few ways of changing our perspectives:

    • Mistakes can teach us what we really want and help us reevaluate our lives. Mistakes and failures can help us focus on issues and problems that take us off track.
    • Mistakes and failures give us a reality check. When we experience consequences of our actions, we can get a clear message of what efforts are working and what efforts are not.
    • Mistakes teach us to accept ourselves that we can be flawed and be loved. Mistakes also teach us about responsibility.
    • Admitting and facing our mistakes and failures can take us straight to the hear of our fears.

    “Taking responsibility for a failure may not be fun. But the act of doing so points out what we can do differently next time,” wrote Dr. Saunders Metlock.

    As my research continues, I have found that we cannot beat a fear, failure, or mistake until we face it. We cannot face a fear until we can define it. I have discovered that since beginning this blog writing journey curiosity has indeed become antidote to my fears and anxieties. My curiosity has grown and evolved. I noticed a level of decreased anxiety. My personal experience is that curiosity can indeed be a counterforce to my fear of failure.

    In my journey to learn and be curious, I came across a terrific interviews was from the radio show “On Being,” with host Krista Tippet and author Elizabeth Gilbert. The interview took place in September 2016. While the interview was eight years ago, the wisdom that was shared touched my heart.

    “I think curiosity is our friend that teaches us how to become ourselves, said Gilbert, “and it’s a very gentle friend, and a very forgiving friend, and a very constant one.”

    Fear can cause us to make terrible decisions about of our lives, what we see, and how we react. Life can be a risky affair. It is important to step outside of ourselves, develop a friendly curiosity of others.

    I am going to dig out my copy of Big Magic and reread it this year. From Gilbert’s book Big Magic, “Living a life is driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear.” I am going to challenge myself to continue living by curiosity, and less by fear. One way that I will continue to do that is writing this blog, Curious and Creative.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 3/7/2025 from https://www.freepik.com/search?format=search&last_filter=page&last_value=2&page=2&query=failure&type=vector#uuid=d8abbd63-c53b-44cf-8445-ac0ea62fb19f

    Colaianni, Paul. The Overwhelmed Brain: “When the fear of failure stops you from doing anything and everything.” Episode 392. 2/21/2021. Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from in

    Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22555-atychiphobia-fear-of-failure

    Gilbert, Elizabeth. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. Riverhead Books, NY. ©2015.

    Hamilton, Diane. “What is Fear and How Does It Affect Curiosity and Innovation?”. Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from https://www.futurelearn.com/info/courses/developing-curiosity/0/steps/156554

    Knight, Dr. Terralon Cannon. “Tools to Overcome Fear of Failure.” TEDxUniversity of South Africa Women.  Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTHXa8OzzZs.

    Samit, Jay. “It’s Time to Disrupt You!” TEDx Augusta. 2017. Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1SlbTZyaWE

    Saunders Medlock, Ph.D. Lisabeth. “Don’t Fear Failure:  Nine Powerful  Lessons We Can Learn From  Our Mistakes.” 1/4/2015. Retrieved on 2/24/2025 from Don’t Fear Failure: Nine Powerful Lessons We Can Learn From Our Mistakes | HuffPost Life

    Tippett, Krista, host. “Choosing Curiosity Over Fear”. On-Being. September 5, 2016. Daily Good. Retrieved on 2/27/2025 from https://www.dailygood.org/story/1376/choosing-curiosity-over-fear-on-being/.

    Tsaousides, Theo, Ph.D. “Why Fear of Failure Can Keep You Stuck.” Psychologytoday.com 12/27/2017. Retrieved on 2/24/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/smashing-the-brainblocks/201712/why-fear-failure-can-keep-you-stuck?msockid=24f8ebd9437164501298fedc42c365fc

  • Curiosity Enhances the Meaning of Life

    February 27, 2025

    Many people have pondered the meaning of life. You may have yourself.

    I am not sure if I have asked what the meaning of life is. Rather, I have questioned the meaning of certain things that I have done in my life. If I have been in a negative frame of mind, I have often asked myself, why did I waste my time doing that? What did I get out of that experience? I will tell you from experience, my reply was often not very helpful. I would end spiraling into rumination. Let me share from experience, rumination is not helpful at all.

    Psychologist Julian Frazier wrote recently in a blog that many may ask what is the meaning of life, but they often fail to answer what is the meaning of life because they do not understand “meaning.”

    Meaning is something you feel, not that you use logic, rationality, or reason to deduce, wrote Frazier. Added, those who earnestly ask, “what is the meaning of life?” have expressed that they feel that their life is not.

    How does curiosity play a role in the meaning of life?  Psychologists view curiosity as a life force, vital to happiness, intellectual growth, and well-being wrote Marilyn Price-Mitchell, Ph.D. a developmental psychologist.

    Research has linked curiosity to a wide range of important adaptive behaviors, including tolerance of anxiety and uncertainty, positive emotions, humor, playfulness, out-of-box thinking, and a noncritical attitude—all attributes associated with healthy social outcomes.

    Frazier commented that our brains really like it when things make sense. The feeling of things making sense can vary from relief, security, and satiety to awe or elation. However, if we are pondering questions like what the meaning of life. our brains notice when things do not line up or do not make sense. If we are struggling to make sense of things, this stresses our brains out.

    It is up to us, wrote Frazier, to produce a solution that makes sense to our brains. It is important to become the author of your story. Find your voice, and tell your story. It does not matter what story we tell our brains, even if it is fictional, as long as it helps us our brains make sense.

    Through the many articles that I have read and videos that I have watched, I have concluded that using our curiosity is important element. We can use our curiosity  to create our own story can help us find meaning as Frazier suggested.

    Meaning is only ever found and embodied in the present, wrote Frazier.

    I may not fully agree that meaning can only be found in the present, as I have many wonderful memories and experiences that are meaningful. Perhaps, it is in the present that we attach meaning, so therefore we are able to recall them better.

    I have noticed that as humans, we can often skim across the surface of the present, seeking out meaning and happiness beyond today. We mistakenly rush through our days to find answers that may be right in front of us. I know that I can get hung up on the “not yet” or I will be happy when… or I can start when…, etc. Perhaps that is what we are missing out on. I have learned recently that if I am curious about something, I am more focused in the now, the present. I am not anxious, not worried about the future.

    Psychologist Todd Kashdan noted, if we are going to find a meaningful purpose or calling in life, chances are good we will find it in something that unleashes our curiosity. Our curiosity could lead us to meaningful interests, hobbies, and passions.

    “The greater the range and depth of our curiosity, the more opportunities we must experience things that inspire and excite us, from minute details to momentous occasions,” wrote Kashdan.

    Emily Campbell highlighted six ways that curiosity has been linked with psychological, emotional, social, and even health benefits. The second benefit is curious people are happier. Campbell noted research has shown that curiosity is associated with higher levels of positive emotions, lower levels of anxiety, more satisfaction with life, and greater psychological well being.

    Kashdan said curiosity is the entry point to many of life’s greatest sources of meaning and satisfaction.

    Below are ideas that can help you become more curious:

    • Reignite the love for play. The nature of play can build interest and curiosity in what we are doing in the present. Seek out your inner child’s wonder.
    • Search for the novel in your day. Pay attention to the minute details, such as ripples in a puddle, snowflakes on the window. Take the time to look with fresh eyes.
    • Stay in the present moment when talking with others. Ask questions and listen with care. Be interested in the other person.
    • Seek to make new friends. Meeting new people can help us discover unrecognized aspects of ourselves.
    • Try something again that you have not tried since you were a kid. Wipe your mind off expectations.

    Curiosity can enhance your life. Open up your mind, ignite your curiosity.

    Resources:

    Image retrieved on 2/21/2025 <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/mental-health-concept-illustration_382536411.htm”>Image by storyset on Freepik</a>

    Campbell, Emily. “Six Surprising Benefits of Curiosity.” 9/24/2015. Greater Good magazine. Retrieved on 2/21/2025 from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_surprising_benefits_of_curiosity

    Frazier, Ph.D., Julian. “A Psychologist’s Unpopular Opinion about the ‘Meaning-of-life.’ Medium.com posted on 1/26/2025. Retrieved on 2/21/2025 from https://medium.com/@julian.frazier.phd/a-psychologists-unpopular-opinion-about-the-meaning-of-life-82480297ca22

    Kashdan, Todd/ Experience Life. “5 Benefits of Curiosity. Discover how cultivating an inquiring mind can help you lead a happier, healthier life.” 12/1/2019. Retrieved on 2/21/2025 from https://experiencelife.lifetime.life/article/the-power-of-curiosity/

    Price-Mitchelle, Ph.D. Marily. “Curiosity: The Heart of Lifelong Learning. How to Nurture a child’s hungry mind.” April 13, 2015. Psychology Today. Retrieved on 2/21/2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-moment-of-youth/201504/curiosity-the-heart-of-lifelong-learning