5/31/2025
The American Psychological Association defines self-confidence as “a belief that one is capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task.”
Confidence is not just a feeling, it is a state of mind, according to MentorLoop.com blogger/writer Emily Ryan.
Psychotherapist Amy Morin stated that self-confidence can give you a general sense of trust in your ability to control your life.
Confidence is not innate. Yet, it can be developed and nurtured over time, wrote Ryan.
According to the Mentorink.com website, confidence is not something that may come naturally, yet it is something that can be learned and improved over time.
In 2012, Dr. Ivan Joseph, a sports psychologist, shared his definition of self-confidence during his TEDX talk. Joseph defined confidence as the ability to believe in yourself, to accomplish any task, no matter the odds, no matter the difficulty, and no matter the adversity. Self-confidence is a skill, as it can be trained, stated Joseph.
There is no magic pill that anyone can take to create self-confidence, noted Joseph. We expect to be self-confident, but we can’t be unless the skill or the task that we are doing is not novel or new to us.
Morin added that cultivating and maintaining confidence is not easy, and it can be an easy thing to lose when you feel like you’ve failed or made a mistake.
According to Dr. Joseph, self-confidence requires repetition. It is important that we are in a situation where we can tell ourselves, “Done this a thousand times.”
We can practice. The problem with repetition is…how many of us bail after the first bit of failure? How many of us bail after the first bit of adversity?
Practice, repetition, and persistence are key to building self-confidence. Very few of us will persist. One way to build self-confidence, get out there and do want you want to do and do not accept no. The other one is self-talk.
Self-confidence can be tricky, at least in my experience. I have worked hard to increase my self-confidence. My confidence level has gone up and down. It has been affected when my self-esteem and self-worth have taken major hits. When things did not go right in the first few attempts, I bailed. I told myself that I did not have what it takes. I was short-sighted on so many things. I admit I gave up too soon. My lack of confidence, low self-esteem, and impatience with myself won.
Confidence enables us to handle failure and setbacks with grace and resilience, wrote Ryan. Confident individuals recognize that failure is not a reflection of their self-worth, but rather an opportunity to learn and grow, adding, failure can go hand in hand with success. Having confidence ensures we can overcome failure faster.
Podcast Chris Williamson hosts a podcast called, “Modern Wisdom.” Williamson said that for many years he had crippling belief that he was insufficient, as a result he lacked self-confidence. He also suffered from imposter syndrome.
Williamson commented that if you are someone that deals with a crippling sense of insufficiency, your ability to discount any good thoughts you have in your mind is going to be so strong. If you try to lead with positivity first, “I need to think it, wish it, believe and I will achieve it,” then your set point of negativity will just crush that into the ground.
Joseph said confidence comes from practice and success. When we do well, we feel good, and our confidence grows.
As part of my research, self-talk impacts self-confidence. What are your thoughts and the voice in your head saying to you?
Joseph said we all have self-talk tape that plays in our heads. There are enough people that are telling us we can’t do it and that we are not good enough. Adding, why do we want to tell ourselves that? asked Joseph.
“No one will believe you unless you do,” said Joseph.
Recognize and notice when you’re having negative self-talk. Work to convert those negative thoughts and words to positive ones that acknowledge the full credit that you deserve.
Williamson shares that action is a way to build self-confidence. Stop breaking promises to yourself. If you say you are going to do something, then do it.
“Confidence is a vital skill to acquire, regardless of where you’re starting from. Whether you’re someone who has always lacked confidence or someone who is simply looking to boost their existing levels, it’s important to remember that confidence is something that can be developed and strengthened over time,” said Ryan.
Mentorink.com noted that building confidence doesn’t happen immediately, however, you can make some improvements with some consistent effort.
Here are some ways to build confidence:
- Cultivate positive self-talk. Challenge your negative thoughts.
- Practice self-compassion. Be honest about yourself but not mean.
- Set realistic goals. Each success builds confidence.
- Step outside of your comfort zone.
- Improve your competence in specific areas. Learn, practice, and repeat.
- Seek feedback and learn from mistakes. Persist and persevere.
What is one small thing that you can commit to doing every day to build skill and confidence?
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ―Henry Stanley Haskins
Resources:
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Joseph, Dr. Ivan.” The Skill of Self-confidence.” 1/12/2022. Retrieved on 5/28/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs
Joseph, Dr. Ivan. “The Skill of Self-Confidence.” 8/2/2023. Retrieved on 5/29/2025 from https://castingfrontier.com/blog/the-skill-of-self-confidence/
Mentorink.com. “Is Confidence a Skill?” 9/8/2024. Retrieved on 5/29/2025 from https://www.mentorink.com/blog/is-confidence-a-skill/#:~:text=What%20is%20Confidence?,handle%20both%20successes%20and%20setbacks.
Morin, Amy, LCSW. “How to Be More Confident: 9 Tips That Work. Believing in yourself will take you far.” Retrieved on 5/21/2025 from https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-boost-your-self-confidence-4163098
Ryan, Emily. “Self-Confidence is not Personality Trait; it’s a Skill to Acquire.” 4/27/2023. Retrieved on 5/29/2025 from https://mentorloop.com/blog/self-confidence/
University of South Florida, Counseling Center. Department of Student Success. “What is Self-Confidence?” Retrieved on 5/6/2025 fromhttps://www.usf.edu/student-affairs/counseling-center/top-concerns/what-is-self-confidence.aspx
Williamson, Chris. “How to Build Self-Confidence.” Retrieved on 5/28/2025 from https://www.youtube.com/shorts/szKl-AQrV50
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