1/18/2026

Are you comfortable sitting quietly with your thoughts alone as company? Are you afraid to be alone as your inner voice chatters away, but not in a good way?

Many individuals avoid being alone or in quiet, because they are not comfortable being alone with their thoughts.

If you don’t enjoy spending distraction-free time alone, you’re in good company, wrote Elizabeth Perry.

Researchers define solitude as an absence of human interaction. Solitude can also be seen as a relationship with yourself. Solitude is not inherently negative or positive. Interestingly, many people associate solitude with loneliness.

My husband spends a lot of time on the road as part of his IT business. He calls it “windshield time.”  He told me that there is a lot of time to spend on his thoughts. He is considering an idea for a book. Being alone with his thoughts in the car during the day is not an issue. However, it is being alone with his thoughts at night, in the dark, when he cannot sleep.  That is when he turns on a video on his phone to distract him from his thoughts.

Vox correspondent Allie Volpe wrote that sitting in silence for some people is worse than physical pain.

In an oft-cited 2014 study conducted by Harvard and University of Virginia, researchers invited students to sit alone for 15 minutes. The study found that, regardless of age, income, or level of smartphone and social media use, people typically disliked sitting by themselves with nothing to do but think, even if it was only for a short period (6–15 minutes). Twenty-five percent of the women and 67 percent of men chose to self-administer the electric shock themselves at least once, rather than sit alone with their own thoughts.

According to Volpe, “now for the unfortunate truth: A product of sitting with your thoughts is facing negative ones head-on. No one is immune to worry or embarrassment.”

In Eckhart Tolle’s video, “How to Calm the Voice Inside,” individuals unconsciously identify with their thoughts, believing that the voice in their head is who they are. That is not the case, we can bring awareness to this voice and disidentify from it, and it can create a new space for inner peace noted Tolle.

“But what has happened through the gradual evolution of thinking, now humans tend to overthink. There is a lot of not only unnecessary thinking that generates unnecessary, and in many cases non-existent problems such as when you lie awake at night in bed and start worrying. It generates a lot of unnecessary unhappiness,” commented Tolle.

Tolle said many people experience a constant stream of negative self-talk daily. This then fuels stress and unhappiness, leading to negative impact on mental and physical well-being.

Solitude can be profoundly restorative wrote Thuy-vy Nguyen, an associate professor at Durham University and principal investigator of the Solitude Lab. Nguyen noted that researchers study the effects and experiences of both lifelong and spontaneous alone time.

Solitude does influence our emotions, thoughts, and internal experiences, wrote Nguyen. Study participants are invited to sit alone in a quiet room for 15 minutes. They are assessed before solitude and assessed again afterwards. Those that participated in research for the solitude reported that after just brief period, they felt a meaningful change in their emotions, less activated and less stress, including a notable decrease in tension and nervous energy.

Solitude can affect intense emotions noted Nguyen. Intense emotions can be stirred up by activities that include being around other people. There may be a thrill of conversation, or anxiety making a presentation, but it can also demand energy and attention, which could be draining and exhausting, added Nguyen. Solitude can become valuable.

Medium writer Thomas Oppong opined, the importance of spending quality time with oneself is often overlooked. Oppong added, the need for solitude is becoming increasingly critical as we become accustomed to constant connections.

Elizabeth Perry wrote, “a healthy amount of mindful solitude helps you understand yourself well enough to make better decisions about your life, which is essential to your personal and professional development.”

Oppong wrote that there are three reasons we should learn to spend more time being alone and with our thoughts:

1. Solitude will teach you to be comfortable with your own thoughts, emotions, and experiences.
2. It teaches you how to create space for yourself and others.
3. It allows you to reflect on yourself and become more aware, better understand who you are, and give you time to heal from complex events.

According to my research, multitude sources state that solitude can become a positive experience. It can also help you be comfortable with your thoughts without judgment.

According to Elizabeth Perry, redefining your relationship with solitude means pursuing opportunities to enrich your life with intentional, solitary moments that help you get in touch with your internal world, and find rest and relaxation.

“One of the most powerful personal growth exercises you can do is also one of the simplest: sit in a room by yourself-without distractions, without noise, and just think,” wrote Kendall Netmaker. Adding, growth can begin with quiet space. It is learning to be alone with our thoughts, then we can begin to understand ourselves more deeply.

Creating solitude to be alone with your thoughts needs to begin gradually, particularly for individuals that currently spend little time alone or avoid it as much as possible stated Nguyen.

Here are some tips on learning to be alone.

• Start small with a short solo walk around your neighborhood.
• Change how you think about time alone. See it as a personal choice and a valuable opportunity for emotional regulation.
• Plan how you want to use time alone. Try to build solitude time into your daily schedule.
• Step outside. Studies show that nature is a good place for solitude. It does not demand or overwhelm our attention as human environments do.
• You can train your mind like a muscle. Start with five minutes, build from there.
• Observe your thoughts, acknowledge them, then consciously let them go. This includes negative thoughts. Observation takes practice.

I would like to end this blog post with this quote, “In solitude, the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself.” – Laurence Sterne. 

Resources:

Image retrieved <a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/young-female-traveler-enjoying-rural-surroundings_19055156.htm”>Image by freepik</a>

Nguyen, Thuy-vy. “Solitude Can Be Profoundly Restorative.” 5/1/2025. Edited by Christian Jarrett. Retrieved on 1/15/2026 from https://psyche.co/guides/solitude-can-be-profoundly-restorative-heres-how-to-savour-it.

Netmaker, Kendall.”Learning to be Alone with Your Thoughts.” Retrieved on 1/15/2026 from https://kendalnetmaker.com/learning-to-be-alone-with-your-thoughts/

Netmaker, Kendall.”Learning to be Alone with Your Thoughts.” Video 8/25/2025. Retrieved on 1/15/2026 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hETammTFJI

Oppong, Thomas. “The Art of Being Alone with Your Thoughts Without Losing Your Mind: Learning to be alone is Self-growth.” 2/9/2022.Medium.com Retrieved on 1/15/2026 from https://thomas-oppong.medium.com/the-art-of-being-alone-with-your-thoughts-without-losing-your-mind-826578c0f539

Perry, Elizabeth. “Learn How to be Alone with Your Thoughts.” 3/28/2023. Retrieved on 1/15/2026 from https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-be-alone-with-your-thoughts

Tolle, Eckhart. “How to Calm the Voice Inside.” Eckhart Tolle Teachings. 6/19/2021. Video. Retrieved on 1/15/2026 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBXpFbOPUdA

Volpe, Allie. “How to be alone with your thoughts.” Vox.com 1/202/2024. Retrieved on 1/15/2026 from Retrieved on 1/15/2026 from https://www.vox.com/even-better/24042177/alone-thoughts-rumination-thinking-for-pleasure