May 18, 2026

Do you remember the song “If You’re Happy and You Know It?”  It was sung often when I was a child, and as a parent, I often sung it with my children.

The first stanza of lyrics for the song are:

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands,
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands,
If you’re happy and you know it,
Then your face will surely show it,
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.

I know I am simplifying happiness. As I mentioned in last week’s blog, seeking happiness can be elusive. So, why do we seek out happiness or perhaps even obsess over it? Happiness was not always in the forefront or priority in many civilizations.

According to Payal Koul, in ancient civilizations, people did not pursue happiness. It was understood as a natural state sustained by practices that cultivated inner peace and self-awareness. In the Indus Valley civilization, life was built around simplicity and practices like yoga. Yoga was not just exercise, it was a means to inward communion, a way to align the body and mind to achieve harmony and self-awareness. Joy came from within.

Peanuts’ Charlie Brown once said, “I think I am afraid to be happy, because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens.”

I read that quote to my son, Christian, and he replied, “damn straight, Chuck.”

I think, perhaps, lots of people may feel that way.

Do you know what makes you happy? As I was researching various different resources, I came across the opinion, that perhaps we – particularly American culture – pursue happiness because it is avoidance of dealing with painful emotions, such as unhappiness, anxiety, depression, etc.

Adam Grant wrote, “Happiness is an individual state. When we look for it, it’s only natural to focus on ourselves. Yet, a wealth of evidence consistently shows that self-focused attention undermines happiness and causes depression.”

Ingrid Fetell Lee wrote, happiness is complex, and sometimes, the more we think about it, the less certain we become.

Daniel Gilbert, psychologist, researcher and author of Stumbling on Happiness, wrote that we tend overestimate the emotional impact of positive life events. What distinguishes us from other animals is our ability to predict the future, or rather our interest in predicting the future. We spend a lot of time imagining what life would be like this way or that way, noted Gilbert. We try to exert some control over our future of what will make us happy.

Perhaps pursuing happiness is elusive and a challenge because a biological standpoint, we are hardwired to focus on the negative.

“The human brain has evolved to naturally pay more attention to negative events and experiences than positive ones,” wrote author, resiliency scholar, and speaker Robyne Hanley-Dafoe, Ed.D.  “This is known in psychology as the negativity bias. For our ancestors, it served them well and allowed them to survive immediate threats like animal attacks and deadly weather conditions,”

As Grant wrote, “If you’re too focused on chasing happiness, you might end up chasing it away.”

Perhaps we are misguided in the way we pursue happiness. I have learned from personal experience that happiness can be felt.  Something that I love – reading, writing, crocheting, painting, helping others, dancing, etc. –  brings about happiness.  I do not think that I am far off.  

Psychological research suggests that happiness relies on sustainable everyday actions that could include:

• Giving-doing kind things for others.
• Smile: act of smiling actually increased feelings of happiness.
• Relating: building strong, meaningful relationships with friends, family and community.
• Exercising: take care of your physical health and well-being in as little as ten minutes a day.
• Take a deep breath: practicing breathing exercised promotes relaxation and may even decrease cortisol “stress hormone.”
• Practicing gratefulness: Appreciating what you do have in life already.
• Embracing curiosity and learning new things.

Happiness does not have to be elusive and fleeting, if we focus on it as an action and not just an emotion.

Resources:

Image by freepik.  Retrieved on 5/16/2026 from https://www.magnific.com/free-ai-image/close-up-butterfly-held-hand_94956390.htm

British Council. “If You’re Happy and You Know it.” Song. Retrieved on 5/1/2026 from https://learnenglishkids.britishcouncil.org/sites/kids/files/attachment/songs-if-youre-happy-and-you-know-it-lyrics.pdf

Cuncic, MA, Arlin.”How to Find Happiness in Your Life: Research suggests four key strategies.” 3/27/2023. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-find-happiness-4584480

Gilbert, Daniel. Stumbling on Happiness. Published by Vintage ©2007.

Grant, Adam.”Does Trying to be Happy Make Us Unhappy?” 10/27/2015. Retrieved on 5/16/2026 from https://medium.com/@AdamMGrant/does-trying-to-be-happy-make-us-unhappy-21d3a60ea05

Hanley-Dafoe, Ed.D., Robyn. “The Power of Little Things: How to Find Joy in t he Everyday.” 10/17/2024. Retrieved on 5/16/2026 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/everyday-resilience/202410/the-power-of-little-things-how-to-find-joy-in-the-everyday

Lee, Ingrid Fetell.”Why the Secret to Happiness Might Be Joy.”  5/14/2018. Retrieved on 5/16/2026 from https://aestheticsofjoy.com/why-the-secret-to-happiness-might-be-joy/#:~:text=Joy%20is%20different%20than%20happiness.,right%20now%2C%20in%20the%20moment.

Koul, Payal. “The Path to Inner Joy: Why Happiness Lies Within, not Outside.” 10/29/2024. Retrieved on 4/24/2026 from https://medium.com/illumination/the-path-to-inner-joy-why-happiness-lies-within-not-outside-74d80dd20060

Marano, Hara Estroff. “The Search for Happiness.” 9/19/2014. Retrieved on 5/16/2026 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nation-wimps/201409/the-search-happiness

Smith, Emily Esfahani. “Why Pursuing Happiness Make You Less Happy.” Video. TED.5/2/2026. Retrieved on 5/16/2026 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76_9x4YyFyQ

Super Simple: A Place to Learn and Play. “If You’re Happy and You Know it Shout Hoo-Ray.” Retrieved on 5/16/2026 from https://supersimple.com/song/if-youre-happy-and-you-know-it/