August 21, 2026

Friendships are important at every age, according to Calm.com. Calm’s editorial team wrote that companionship and support that friends provide can significantly impact our emotional and mental well-being.

Platonic relationships are sometimes overlooked in our quest for romantic ones, but friendship is just as important to our psychological well-being, according to Arlin Cuncic, author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. 

As a kid, I was shy.  Being socially anxious made it more difficult to make friends and sometimes to keep them. I would rather sit by my mother at games or events than meet up with friends. As we lived in a rural area, it was a distance to meet up with friends from school on a regular basis. I played by myself or with my younger siblings, cousins, and their friends who were at least three years or more younger than me.

My mom was a big help when I was a kid. She helped get the conversation going with other mothers which led to mutual interests and hobbies with other children. She got me signed up for gymnastics, swimming, and Girl Scouts. I did better one-on-one with other kids than in a large group. For example, I was not the type to feel at ease at a large slumber party. To this day, I prefer going to gatherings that have ten or fewer people.

“You don’t have to be introverted or socially anxious to feel the struggle of making friends in adulthood,” wrote anxiety therapist and perfectionism coach Danielle Wayne, ”but let’s not ignore how much harder it can be if you are. Add in neurodivergence, where the rules of social interaction might as well be written in ancient hieroglyphs, and the whole process can feel impossible.”

I believed you had to be a great conversationalist to succeed. My mom has an ease with conversation that, over the years, I admired and admittedly envied. My mom starts the conversation, then sits back and listens intently asking other follow-up questions. She is tuned into the other person’s nonverbal body language. When she bumps into the person later, she asks about their family or special interest. She remembers details of others’ lives. Most importantly she shows sincere interest. She has good friends that she connected with when I was a child; I am nearly 60.

My husband has a similar ability to start conversations. He is loyal to long-term friends. He works to maintain friendships and has organized reunions and friend get-togethers. My husband has a friend who he has known since he was ten years old. He works hard to keep those connections. I am amazed by that ability of my husband and mother. I often contributed it to their outgoing, extroverted natures.

As an adult, I find it a little easier to start up a conversation that could lead to a new friend. I am hopeful, but practical. Not every chat leads to deep conversations, not every conversation can lead to a true connection. It can be frustrating as hell. I have made friends through a common interest of Toastmasters, previously through work, and church.

I recall a song from Brownies, “Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.” As the rush of the years and every day life, maintaining friendships and making new friends is not easy, requires determination and commitment.

Research has shown that friendships do matter in adulthood.

Erin Pash, a licensed therapist wrote that friendships aren’t just nice to have; they’re essential for our well-being. Pash has written a therapist’s guide to adult friendships.

One of the benefits of friendship is that they can help you cultivate community. When we invest energy into our friendships, then encourage our friends to connect with other people, this fosters a sense of community noted Cuncic.

“Making friends is one of life’s most meaningful ways to connect with others, but making and keeping friends as an adult isn’t always easy” according to Calm.com

Friendships fulfill unique emotional needs through their voluntary nature. Friends provide space to explore identity without the expectations that come with family roles or romantic relationships commented Pash.

• Friends can act as sounding boards for your thoughts and feeling, helping you process your emotions and navigate the terrain of life. They provide a sense of belonging and acceptance.
• They can help build your confidence and self-esteem.
• Spending time with friends can lower cortisol levels which can reduce stress. Hanging out with friends doing enjoyable activities can serve as a natural stress reliever.
• Friends see you and love you for who you are. They also encourage you to do better; become a better you.
• Friendships can counter the feelings of loneliness and isolation which as linked to anxiety and depression.

According to Calm.com, studies have shown that having a strong social network can actually increase your lifespan. Additionally, that conversations and activities with friends can stimulate your brain, helping to ward off cognitive decline as you age.

There are a few common challenges to maintaining friendships: busy schedules, relocation, evolving interests, fear of rejection, and a lack of built in social structures.

“Many adults find it challenging to carve out time for making and maintaining friendships amidst their busy lives,” wrote Heather Lyons, Ph.D.

If you have moved or relocated to new town, city, region, or state, starting from scratch in a new place can be quite daunting, which can make it difficult to make new connections.

Sometimes our interests and lifestyles evolve, which can make it challenging to find like-minded people. Things that once connected you are no longer part of your life any more

One of the biggest challenges for people is fear of rejection. We hold back from reaching out and forming new connections that could lead to new friends, because we risk rejection. According to Lyons, this anxiety can be a significant barrier to taking the first step.

According to Wayne, anxiety therapist, so many American adults are lonely, overworked, chronically stressed, and burned out. Building friendships takes time and effort, and it can feel impossible to find the capacity to continue to put yourself out there. You are not alone.

Building new connections doesn’t have to be complicated, wrote Pash.

Therapists and researchers note there are simple low stakes ways to introduce yourself or strike up a conversation.

• The waiting game: while you waiting in line, think about and ask open-ended questions about things you notice about the person that is in line with you. Such as “what drew you to the book that you are reading?”, or ”I noticed your camera, is photography a hobby or interest?”
• Comment on shared experiences in the moment or a reaction to something that happened around you.
• Make lighthearted observations or a joke. Gauge their response to see if your humor styles align with others.  
• Let it build organically. Use parts of future conversations to extend an invitation to a shared activity.
• Attend fitness classes or go to the gym. Improve your physical health and build new connections based on shared interests, like dancing, boxing, hiking, yoga, etc.
• Be authentic. Leave space for the other person to share what they are comfortable sharing.
• Try meetup or Bumble BFF. These apps can be hit or miss, but lots of people have had luck with them. Meetup offers events by local groups based on shared interests. Bumble BFF is like a dating app for friends.
• Use social media for good. Check out the local events like dance classes, concerts, yoga, art workshops, etc.
• Host a game night.
• Volunteer. Give back to your community by supporting organizations that matter to you. You can connect with others who share similar values
• Follow your hobbies. There’s probably a hobby or interest group. Often recreation departments or adult education offer classes. Shared learning experiences can turn classmates into new friends.
• Check out the local coffee shops, book shops, and co-working spaces. These spaces often offer a casual atmosphere to strike up conversations.
• Check the local library as well. Some offer seasonal events like a craft/art supply swap, book sales, or music concerts.

Admittedly, it can be nerve wracking to make new connections and new friends. Who knows, you might just meet a new companion while learning new dance steps, picking a new book for the book club, or volunteering for your favorite charity.

Resources

Image retrieved on 8/22/2026 from https://www.magnific.com/free-photo/friends-drinking-wine-posing-outdoor-party_25003005.htm#fromView=detail&position=2&uuid=575b60e6-ca6f-4a70-8fc8-79a7452d59c3&track=ais_hybrid&from_element=cross_selling__photo

Calm.com, Calm’s Editorial Team. “How to make & keep friends as an adult: 10 ways to connect.” 3/28/2026. Retrieved on https://blog.calm.com/blog/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult

Cuncic, MA, Arlin. “6 Benefits of Friendship and Why it’s So Important to Stay Close. Invest in Your Besties.” 10/23/2025. Retrieved on 12/17/2025 from 6 Benefits of Friends: Why It’s Important to Stay Close

Lyons, Ph.D., Heather. “How to Make Friends as an Adult: Overcoming Challenges and Building Connections.” Retrieved on 8/20/2026 from https://withtherapy.com/therapist-insights/making-friends-as-adult/

Pash, Erin. “Making Friends as an Adult Is Hard—A Licensed Therapist Shares How to Do It (and Make It Last). 3/19/25. Retrieved on 8/20/2026 from https://thechalkboardmag.com/making-friends-as-an-adults/ Wayne, Danielle. “Why Is Making Friends as an Adult So Damn Hard?” 2/8/2025. Retrieved on 8/20/2026 from https://www.millennialtherapy.com/anxiety-therapy-blog/friendships-as-an-adult